"Father had long since cured me of any belief in the Apostles’ Creed. In its place I held a deep suspicion, planted by Professor Huxley and nurtured by father, that no such person as Jesus of Nazareth had ever lived. As for Brother Timberly, I regarded him as two yards of noise, with his cracks filled with unction. Like many preachers in the Bible Belt, he was a farm boy with (I strongly suspected) a distaste for real work. I did not and do not believe in a god up there in the sky listening to Brother Timberly’s words."

"We are strangers, all of us, family most of all."

"A proud self image is the strongest incentive you can have toward correct behavior."

"“I said God but you know what I mean!” “I do indeed. You are indulging in theology; I would rather see you take laudanum. Maureen, when anyone talks about ‘God’s will’ or ‘God’s intentions’ or Nature’s intentions if he is afraid to say ‘God,’ I know at once that he is selling a gold brick. To himself, in some cases, as you were just doing.”"

"Censorship is never logical but, like cancer, it is dangerous to ignore it when it shows up."

"“What code should I follow, father?” “You have to pick your own.” “The Ten Commandments?” “You know better than that. The Ten Commandments are for lame brains. The first five are solely for the benefit of the priests and the powers that be; the second five are half truths, neither complete nor adequate.”"

"Remember that ancient Persian parable about doubling grains of rice on a chessboard? Four billion people are a smidgen larger than a grain of rice; you quickly run out of chessboard."

"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat. (needs chapter and page reference, please)"

"Women and cats do what they do; there is nothing a man can do about it."

"Quantum mechanics and Schrödinger’s cat tossed out the clockwork world of 1890 and replaced it with a fog of probability in which anything could happen. Of course the intellectual class did not notice this for many decades, as an intellectual is a highly educated man who can’t do arithmetic with his shoes on, and is proud of the lack."

"Protocol is either useful or it should be abolished."

"Billiards will never replace sex, or even tomatoes."

"“The answer to ‘Why’ is always ‘Money.’”"

"File off the serial numbers, change the body lines a bit, give it a new paint job, switch it over the state line, and it’s yours!—that’s the secret of literary success. Editors always claim to be looking for new stories but they don’t buy them; they buy “mixture as before.” Because the cash customers want to be entertained, not amazed, not instructed, not frightened."

"A beautiful summer day in Iowa leaves no room for worry."

"“Uh, I find I’m astonished again. How is this place run? Is it an anarchy?” Hazel shrugged. Justin Foote looked thoughtful. “No, I wouldn’t say so. It is not that well organized.”"

"“Would you find that convincing?” “No.” Justin Foote nodded. “Reasonable. When a rational man hears something asserted that conflicts with all common sense he will not—and should not—believe it without compelling evidence."

"A wife’s unique right, fixed by tradition, to manipulate her own husband runs unbroken and invariant at least back to Eve and the Apple. I will not criticize a sacred tradition."

"“Dr. Harshaw says that ’the word “love” designates a subjective condition in which the welfare and happiness of another person are essential to one’s own happiness.’”"

"There ought to be some rule limiting the number of emotional shocks a person can legally be subjected to in one day."

"It would be silly of me to argue with something I don’t understand."

"How can you argue with a woman who won’t?"

"“The hardest part about gaining any new idea is sweeping out the false idea occupying that niche. As long as that niche is occupied, evidence and proof and logical demonstration get nowhere. But once the niche is emptied of the wrong idea that has been filling it—once you can honestly say, ‘I don’t know,’ then it becomes possible to get at the truth.”"

"This sort of nonsense should be lumped with transubstantiation. If true, it can’t be proved."

"“This computer became self-aware and acquired free will.” “Interesting. If true. I don’t have to believe it. I don’t.”"

"“I’m a hard case. I don’t believe in table-tapping, astrology, virgin birth—” “Virgin birth isn’t difficult.” “I mean, in the theological sense; I’m not talking about genetics laboratories. —virgin birth, numerology, a literal hell, magic, witchcraft, campaign promises. You tell me something that runs contrary to horse sense; I’ll be at least as hard to sell as I was about your ancient years.”"

"“Buster always was the pragmatist. His solution to almost any problem was to cut somebody’s throat.” “Well, it’s a convincing argument,” I admitted."

"Shrinks are the blind leading the blind; even the best of them are dealing from a short deck. Anyone who consults a shrink should have his head examined."

"You’re not stupid, Richard, just spiritual."

"They were both of the extremely opposite sex and just being around them was fun."

"A monarch’s neck should always have a noose around it—it keeps him upright."

"For dying is not to be feared—it is the final comfort. As we all learn, eventually."

"Beloved, you startled me with the notion that bad manners could be judged a hanging offense. My only concern is for evil, rather than for bad manners. I think evil deeds should never go unpunished. God’s arrangements for punishing evil are too slow to suit me; I want it done now."

"“My uncle used to say, ‘Never pick up a stray kitten…unless you’ve already made up your mind to be owned by it.’”"

"Almost all crime depends on the acquiescence of the victim. If the victim refuses his assigned role, the criminal is placed at a disadvantage, one so severe that it usually takes an understanding and compassionate judge to set things right. I had broken the rules; I had fought back."

"I didn’t want him dead. Unless you are on a battlefield or in a hospital, a corpse is an embarrassment, hard to explain. The management was bound to be stuffy about it."

"But I did not explain to you the other insidious aspect of writing. There is no way to stop. Writers go on writing long after it becomes financially unnecessary...because it hurts less to write than it does not to write."

"There is no way that writers can be tamed and rendered civilized. Or even cured."

"I scrolled on down to the obituaries. I usually read the obituaries first as there is always the happy chance that one of them will make my day."

"Every closet has a skeleton. This is a natural law."

"This is why criminologists place more faith in circumstantial evidence than they do in the testimony of eyewitnesses. You are the ideal eyewitness, intelligent, sincere, cooperative, and honest. You have reported a mixture of what you did see, what you thought you saw, what you failed to notice although it was in front of you, and what your logical mind fills in as necessities linking what you saw and what you thought you saw. This mixture is now all solidly in your mind as a true memory, a firsthand, eyewitness memory. But it didn’t happen."

"A friend who offers help without asking for explanations is a treasure beyond price."

"Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life’s innocent pleasures."

"Time is never a problem on the God level. Or space. Whatever needed to deceive you was provided. But no more than that. That is the conservative principle in art at the God level. While I can't do it, not being at that level, I have seen a lot of it done. A skillful Artist in shapes and appearances does no more than necessary to create His effect."

"Wisdom includes not getting angry unnecessarily. The Law ignores trifles and the wise man does, too."

"People who are busy and happy don’t write diaries; they are too busy living."

"Don’t kid yourself, Friday; knowing too much is a capital offense. In politics it always has been."

"I had learned lately that wanting something and being able to pay for it were not the same."

"Las Vegas is a three-ring circus with a hangover."