"James McQuillan: (on how he would have liked to have got through his wife's labour) 'I would have given anything to have had a Playstation with me to kill a bit of time..."

"James McQuillan: (on the benefits of a home birth pool) The lid's open so the baby can jump out."

"Nick Hewer: Zoe slapped down Susan a couple of times, [just] as somebody slaps down a yapping puppy."

"Nick Hewer: (on one of Team Logic's sales) As they say in Europe: "Nil Points." Nothing."

"Susan Ma: (on Zoe) On a personal level, she’s one of the bitchiest and most back-stabbing people I’ve ever met."

"Lord Sugar: (on Melody) She’ll tread over anybody. She’ll eat them up and spit them out for her breakfast. That’s what I like about her."

"Stuart Baggs: [gravelly American accent] Coming to a kitchen or bathroom near you. There'll be no mercy...only total devastation."

"Nick Hewer: (on Tom and Leon) I think it's about time that both Leon and Tom actually started to stand up for themselves and started being a bit more manly frankly."

"Natasha Scribbins: It's an anytime treat, for after school."

"Nick Hewer: (to Jim, who is Irish) I don't know whether you kissed the Blarney Stone or swallowed it whole, but you were a tour de force."

"Lord Sugar: Tom, you are gonna become my business partner. Tom, you're hired! Tom Pellerau: (quietly) Brilliant! Helen Milligan: (also quietly) Well done Tom. Tom Pellerau: Thank you Lord Sugar. (Tom leaves the Viglen building and as he does so he runs forward slightly and punches the sky) YES! (He claps his hands in victory) Yes! (as he approaches Lord Sugar's Rolls-Royce, Tom takes his glasses off and gives one more celebratory gesture)"

"Susan Ma: Are the French really fond of their children? Do the French go camping? I know nothing about the French and their culture."

"Jim Eastwood: May I speak Lord Sugar? Lord Sugar: No you mustn't, not anymore. I'm sick and tired of it."

"Karren Brady: You don’t have to be have been in France to answer the question, “Do the French like their children?” That really is beyond stupid."

"Jim Eastwood: It looks as if we're all trying to shoot Bambi. Lord Sugar: Er, It was actually Bambi's mother that got shot."

"Jim Eastwood: (to Susan) I actually think you’re just marginally worse than Glenn."

"Lord Sugar: I have never yet come across an engineer that can turn his hand to business."

"Susan Ma: Do a lot of people drive in France."

"Natasha Scribbins: Lads’ magazines are about lads, yeah?"

"Jim Eastwood: (through a microphone as Tom Pellereau looks on disapprovingly) Number 73! House Number 73! With the skip outside! (no response) Hello? (Still no response. Jim tries again more doubtfully) Hello?"

"Natasha Scribbins: What we need to bear in mind is that our focus group was quite focused."

"Nick Hewer: There’s never any meat in it. That’s the problem – it’s just waffle."

"Melody Hossaini: It felt so good yesterday to see dirt on me, to see my fingernails dusty, to see dust in my eyes."

"Edna Agbarha: I train chief executives how to be better at their job. A person who has a budget of £5bn, I'm the individual who does the assessment on that particular person and his leadership team and I teach them how to be even better at their jobs. Nick Hewer: (to Lord Sugar) Do you need training? Lord Sugar: I don't think so."

"Nick Hewer: Trying to nail anything on Jim is a bit like trying to nail jelly to a wall."

"Jim Eastwood: Could you sell this type of small petit object?"

"Edna Agbarha: To some extent, I've been in both camps. I've been the brains and I've been the brawn as well."

"Lord Sugar: I haven't seen much of you, Ellie. I don't think I can go into business with you, so I'm going to tell you that you're fired. Ellie Reed: Okay. [Ellie gets up and leaves. Lord Sugar turns to face Vincent] Lord Sugar: Vincent, I've got a feeling that you're too in awe of other people, and I think you're playing a bit of a risky game by strategising and bringing in the wrong people, so I think a message needs to go back. Vincent, you're also fired."

"Natasha Scribbins: Melody just turned to me and just basically got a big plate of blame and went “There you go. Fancy a bite?”"

"Lord Sugar: (to Vincent) With your track record at Logic, I suppose Winalot was not on the agenda, really."

"Lord Sugar: This Jim, he seems to have some kind of control over people. I don’t know why."

"Natasha Scribbins: (to Vincent) Tom’s voice was not heard 'cause you were so far up Jim’s behind, you couldn’t see the wood for the trees!"

"Susan Ma: Zoe made so many bad decisions on this task. She was just sad and pessimistic, with a horrible attitude throughout the task. I never ever want to work with her again."

"Vincent Disneur: (to a dog owner, while filming the advert) Can we have the dog on all fours? Dog owner: On all fours? Vincent Disneur: You know, on all fours, rather than sitting down. Dog owner: Do you mean standing up? Vincent Disneur: Yeah, standing up."

"Vincent Disneur: What I thought we could do is have some sort of advert where you’ve got the old-school labrador that everybody loves, and you’ve got the It Boy pug. When you get them together, they don’t like each other too much, but at the end they become pals. And that would be the name of the brand: Pals. Ellie Reed: Pal is already a name. Tom Pellereau: It’s the second biggest dog food brand in the world. Vincent Disneur: Is it? Tom Pellereau: If not the first."

"[after Team Logic's fifth successive loss] Lord Sugar: You know, I had a dream recently. I dreamt that one day I came into the boardroom and you lot weren't here. Never mind "Logic", you should be branded "Tragic"!"

"Stuart Baggs: Influenza's going to be Cockney. [Cockney accent] 'Let's hide down 'ere. Dey won't find us down 'ere, mate.' [take two, as Influenza] 'Don't worry, E.coli. Come an' 'ide down 'ere wiv me. No cleaner cleans this deep.' [whiny voice, as E.coli] 'Oh no, it's the Germ-o-nator! Urrrrgh!'"

"Stuart Baggs: Hasta la vista, gravy."

"Felicity Jackson: Due to not selling enough, my next person will be Natasha Lord Sugar: Right. (slight pause. And then...) Natasha Scribbins: I sold more than...Jim. (Jim gives Natasha an evil look)"

"Lord Sugar: (to Jim) I don't know whether you're made of brains or bollocks."

"Lord Sugar: My disposals get taken away in the back of a taxi."

"Leon Doyle: I drew a picture of a teapot with a light. (pause) I took a back seat but I don’t want to say back seat, I was on the ground."

"Helen Milligan: (After Susan returns to the house) Oh my god! Is it just you?! (Jim enters) Jim Eastwood: Did anyone order a final four?"

"Leon Doyle: (to a female customer) We can get you naked and spray you."

"(After Lord Sugar fires Gavin, he sends Zoe and Vincent back to the house. Outside, they console him while Nick and Karren discuss further reasons in the boardroom) Nick Hewer: Foolish loss. He just couldn't control them. Karren Brady: And I think they're clear now that there's no hiding place."

"Vincent Disneur: You've got nice hair. Would you like a free massage?"

"Felicity Jackson: They wouldn't even take a penny off! A penny!"

"Lord Sugar: (to Vincent) I know you’re Belgian and that’s where the waffles come from, but…"