"Alex Rogan is a small town teenager with big time dreams. Dreams of college... of success... of marrying his girlfriend, Maggie. He's just like everybody else, except Alex has a very special talent... that no one on Earth can appreciate. But tonight, a mysterious stranger has called on Alex. He's come from a galaxy that's under attack from an alien force. And Alex's unique ability is their last hope."

"Jane Rogan: Oh, Alex, I always knew you'd leave someday, but I never expected this."

"Louis Rogan: [as Alex's ship lands on his return to Earth] Woohoo! All right; we're being invaded! This is great!!"

"Maggie Gordon: I love you, Alex Rogan."

"Enduran: Victory or death!"

"Video Game Attract Mode: Greetings Starfighter! You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada!"

"[After the stunned residents of the trailer park see Grig and Alex land the Gunstar] You should be proud of Alex, Mrs. Rogan. You must all be proud of him. He saved the Star League and hundreds of worlds, including Earth."

"Up to your old Excalibur tricks again, eh, Centauri? Did it ever occur to you that it is against the law to recruit from worlds outside the Star League?"

"Alex, I want you to know that it was for the greatest good that I brought you back. Of course... it never hurts to be rich. [dies]"

"I must congratulate you on your virtuoso performance, my boy. Centauri is impressed. I've seen 'em come, and I've seen 'em go, but you're the best, my boy. Dazzling! Light years ahead of the competition! Centauri's got a little proposition for you. Are ya interested?"

"[voice in video game] Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-dan Armada."

"[to Grig] Maybe there is a Starfighter left."

"Terrific. I'm about to get killed a million miles from nowhere with a gung-ho iguana who tells me to relax."

"[to an alien] I'm sorry, it was an accident. I didn't mean to step on your, uh, whatever that is."

"There's gotta be a perfectly logical explanation for all this."

"It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the third most intelligent. The second most intelligent creatures, were of course dolphins who, curiously enough, had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth. They had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger, but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits. So they eventually decided they would leave Earth by their own means. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards somersault through a hoop while whistling "the Star-Spangled Banner", but in fact, the message was this: [dolphin freeze-frames in mid-air] "So long, and thanks for all the fish!""

"Stephen Fry – The Guide/Narrator"

"John Malkovich – Humma Kavula"

"Anna Chancellor – Questular Rontok"

"Warwick Davis and Alan Rickman (voice) – Marvin the Paranoid Android"

"Bill Nighy – Slartibartfast"

"Sam Rockwell – Zaphod Beeblebrox"

"Zooey Deschanel – Trillian"

"Mos Def – Ford Prefect"

"Martin Freeman – Arthur Dent"

"Losing your planet isn't the end of the world."

"The answers to what's out there are in here."

"Everything you need to know about there, is in here."

"The most astonishing adventure in the universe begins—when the world ends."

"Don't leave Earth without it."

"Don't Panic"

"Questular Rontok: She's lying. She's skinny and she's pretty and she's lying."

"I'd much rather be happy than right any day."

"Voila! Himalayas! Good, eh?"

"Welcome to our factory floor!"

"You must come with me."

"It won't affect me. I'm already a woman."

"Buttons aren't toys!"

"So much for the laws of physics."

"I think you think you don't know, but we both know that you do! (smiles a toothy grin and points at Humma Kavula)"

"[Humma Kavula is removing Zaphod's second head with a giant buzzsaw] Hey, hey, hey, take it easy now. Think about this before you do it. NO STOP IT! Ah that kinda tickles. [his second head is removed] TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE! DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE! [Zaphod's second head has been placed on a hula dancer bobblehead doll with the label "STUPID" underneath it] IT'S NOT FAIR! YOU NEED ME! COME BACK! COME BACK! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! COME BACK!"

"HUMMA KAVULA!!!!"

"I'm the president of the galaxy, babe. I ain't got a whole lot of time for reading."

"I'm just gonna go… find something else for my whole life to be about."

"Apparently you can't be president with a whole brain."

"In the name of democracy, freedom, stuff like that... I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking the ship with me!"

"Whoo, they're on our tail! Fire a gun! Launch a missile! Do some damage! Come on!"

"If there's anything more important than my ego on this ship, I want it caught and shot right now. Hey, c'mon, I love it."