"[as Mr. Chuckles, about God] What's He doing? He can take John Lennon. He can take those three young lads down at Ainsley Pit. He's even thinking of taking my old man. And Margaret bloody Thatcher lives! What's He sodding playing at, eh?"

"[as Mr. Chuckles] So God was creating man. And his little assistant came up to him and he said: "Hey, we've got all these bodies left, but we're right out of brains, we're right out of hearts and we're right out of vocal chords." And God said: "Fuck it! Sew 'em up anyway. Smack smiles on the faces and make them talk out of their arses." And lo, God created the Tory Party."

"This band behind me'll tell you that that trophy means more to me than owt else in the whole world. But they'd be wrong! Truth is, I THOUGHT it mattered. I thought that MUSIC mattered. But does it? Bollocks! Not compared to how people matter. Us winning this trophy won't mean bugger-all to most people. But us refusing it - like what we're going to do now - well, then it becomes news, doesn't it? [flurry of press camera shutters] You see what I mean. That way, I'll not just be talking to myself, will I? Because over the last ten years, this bloody government has systematically destroyed an entire industry. OUR industry. And not just our industry - our communities, our homes, our lives. All in the name of "progress". And for a few lousy bob. I'll tell you something else you might not know, as well. A fortnight ago, this band's pit were closed - another thousand men lost their jobs. And that's not all they lost. Most of them lost the will to win a while ago. A few of them even lost the will to fight. But when it comes to losing the will to live, to breathe, the point is - if this lot were seals or whales, you'd all be up in bloody arms. But they're not, are they, no, no they're not. They're just ordinary common-or-garden honest, decent human beings. And not one of them with an ounce of bloody hope left. Oh aye, they can knock out a bloody good tune. But what the fuck does that matter? [gasps emotionally, close to tears] And now I'm going to take my boys out onto the town. Thank you. [rapturous applause]"

"Here comes Messalina. Girls, tend your fires. Or she'll be in by the back door."

"Robert Medley - Emperor Diocletian"

"Gerald Incandela - Leopard Boy"

"Janusz Romanov - Anthony"

"Steffano Massari - Marius"

"Lindsay Kemp - Dancer"

"Ken Hicks - Adrian"

"Daevid Finbar - Julian"

"Donald Dunham -Claudius"

"Richard Warwick - Justin"

"Leonardo Treviglio - Sebastian"

"Neil Kennedy - Maximus"

"Barney James - Severus"

"His beauty is enhanced by his anger. It is his anger which is divine. His punishments are like Christ's promise. He takes me in his arm and caresses my bleeding body. I want to be with him. I love him."

"I don't know why you fancy boys so much, Anthony. You're worse than a Greek. They're okay for a quick one. But I can't wait for Rome and a real woman."

"Roll up, roll up! The Vestal Virgins versus the Sabine women. A glorious rape in colour."

"The legend comes to life!"

"From the team who brought the three Superman blockbusters to the screen comes a story to stir the imagination - and warm the heart."

"Santa Claus. The spirit of Christmas. But who is he really?"

"Seeing is believing!"

"Guess who's coming to town?"

"A gentleman's got a walking stick. A seaman's got a gaff. And the merry men of Robin Hood They used a quarterstaff. On the Spanish plains inside their canes They hide their ruddy swords. But we make do with an old bam-boo And everyone applauds!"

"Barbara Windsor as Blonde at Fair"

"Stanley Unwin (comedian) as the Chancellor"

"Arthur Mullard as Cyril"