"Girl Student: This is America, and we're Christians here - aside from a few Jewish people who were just born that way - and I can tell you one thing: Jesus Christ and his apostles were certainly not into "man-on-man action," which is how they describe it on their porno videos, which, I am proud to say, Blockbuster does not carry. Um, I work there and it's very family... [pause] Plus, that religion John Travolta belongs to."

"Christina Ricci - Dedee Truitt"

"Johnny Galecki - Jason Bock"

"Ivan Sergei - Matt Mateo"

"My mother was the kind of mother who always said she was her daughter's best friend. Whenever she did, I thought, "Great! Not only do I have a shitty mother, but my best friend's a loser bitch!""

"Rule one of sex: a person can do anything for ten minutes if they don't breath in."

"If you think I'm just plucky and scrappy and all I need is love, you're in over your heads. I don't have a heart of gold and I don't grow one later, OK? But relax. There's other people a lot nicer coming up - we call them "losers.""

"Seems like everybody's having sex but me. Good for them. It's not that I'm against sex. I mean, it was clever of God or evolution or whatever to hook the survival of the species to it because we're gonna screw around no what. It was a smarter thing to pick than say... the instinct to share your toys or return phone calls. We'd have died out like eons ago. But on the minus side, god... all the attachment that goes with it. It's like this net. Sex always ends in kids or disease, or like, you know, relationships. That's exactly what I don't want. I want the opposite of all that. Because it's not worth it, not really, is it? When you think about it? [cut to montage of memories of heart-warming relationship scenes] OK, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not all shit. Maybe... God damn it. I thought the whole idea was I know what happens next. I'll tell you one thing... I'm not gonna go back to Bill's house and be this big changed person for you. I told you right off I don't grow a heart of gold. And if I do, which is, like, so unlikely... give me a break and don't make me do it in front of you. Come on, guys, go, okay? [looking at the camera angrily] GO! I'll give you this much, though... I never was the same again after that summer."

"[Refusing heterosexual sex with Dedee] I've never tried communism, but I know I wouldn't like that. It's the same thing. Or grits."

"Colin Ferguson - Tom De Lury"

"My name is Dedee Truitt. I'm sixteen, and this is Creve Coeur, Louisiana... which is French, I think, for like, 'fucked heart'."

"[as Birdman] It's a beautiful day. Forget about the Times... everyone else has. Come on. Stand up! So you're not a great actor. Who cares? You're much more than that. You tower over these other theater douchebags. You're a movie star, man! You're a global force! Don't you get it? You spent your life building a bank account and a reputation... and you blew 'em both. Good for you. Fuck it. We'll make a comeback. They're waiting for something huge. Well, give it to them. Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery! Sixty's the new thirty, motherfucker. You're the original. You paved the way for these other clowns. Give the people what they want... old-fashioned apocalyptic porn. Birdman: The Phoenix Rises. Pimple-faced gamers creaming in their pants. A billion worldwide, guaranteed. You are larger than life, man. You save people from their boring, miserable lives. You make them jump, laugh, shit their pants. All you have to do is..."

"[as Birdman] How did we end up here? This place is horrible. Smells like balls."

"Lindsay Duncan - Tabitha Dickinson, a top theatre critic"

"Andrea Riseborough - Laura, an actress and Riggan's girlfriend"

"Amy Ryan - Sylvia, Riggan's ex-wife and Sam's mother"

"Edward Norton - Mike Shiner, a popular Broadway actor"

"Emma Stone - Sam Thomson, Riggan's daughter and assistant"

"Leslie, play with my balls."

"Michael Keaton - Riggan Thomson / Birdman"

"Naomi Watts - Lesley, an actress and Mike's girlfriend"

"Zach Galifianakis - Jake, Riggan's lawyer and friend"

"[as Birdman] That's what I'm talking about. Bones rattling! Big, loud, fast! Look at these people, at their eyes... they're sparkling. They love this shit. They love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit. Yes. And the next time you screech, it'll explode into millions of eardrums. You'll glimmer on thousands of screens around the globe. Another blockbuster. You are a god. See? There you go, you motherfucker. Gravity doesn't even apply to you. Wait till you see the faces of those who thought we were finished. Listen to me. Let's go back one more time and show them what we're capable of. We have to end it on our own terms... with a grand gesture. Flames. Sacrifice. Icarus. You can do it. You hear me? You are... Birdman!"

"I'm nothing. I'm not even here."

"Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige."

"Merritt Wever - Annie, the stage manager"

"Barry Rothbart - Peter Diblasio"

"Jake Hoffman - Steve Madden"

"Katarina Čas - Chantalle Bodnick"

"Brian Sacca - Robbie "Pinhead" Feinberg"

"Shea Whigham - Captain Ted Beecham"

"Henry Zebrowski - Alden "Sea Otter" Kupferberg"

"Ethan Suplee - Toby Welch"

"Jon Favreau - Manny Riskin"

"Jean Dujardin - Jean-Jacques Saurel"

"Jon Bernthal - Brad Bodnick"

"P. J. Byrne - Nicky "Rugrat" Koskoff"

"Matthew McConaughey - Mark Hanna"

"Kyle Chandler - Patrick Denham"

"Kenneth Choi - Chester Ming"

"Rob Reiner - Max Belfort"

"Hey, Jordon, let me give you a little legal advice: Shut the fuck up! [Jordon: [becomes enraged as he was escorted away by the FBI agents] Oh, fuck you, you fucking prick! I'm making an honest living, you motherfucker!]"

"Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort"

"[Seeing the results of Black Monday] HOLY... FUCKING... SHIT."

"Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff"

"[On the phone with a customer] We don't give two shits about how technology works. All we care about is being fucking RICH."

"Margot Robbie - Naomi Lapaglia"

"Joanna Lumley - Aunt Emma"

"Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. Fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right. You got to feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt. Done."

"This right here is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my home! The show goes on! [quoting from Norma Rae] They're gonna need to send in the National Guard to take me out, 'cause I ain't going nowhere!"