"[Holds up two dollar bills, referring to Dave England] I'm gonna pay this motherfucker right here... two hundred smackaroos... it's not counterfeit, it's real... to eat horse shit!"

"Bam just took a golden dildo up his ass at high speed. That's what happened."

"[Getting shocked by an electric stool] Ah! Argh...! [Jumps of off the stool] No, [repeatedly] I don't fucking like that dude...! That fucking hurts, dude!"

"There's a machine in here! Where's the fucking card throwing machine?"

"What? I can't hear... kinda."

"[While trapped in the trunk of a taxi cab] Get me out of here!"

"[Doing the jihadist suicide bomber skit, to taxi driver] Where I'm going, I don't need luggage."

"Ow...! Ah...! My ass hurts so fucking bad!"

"[While chewing on horse feces] It's so dry!"

"[Pulling Ehren out of the tire] Jesus Christ, you got a fat fucking ass!"

"So here I am, trying to contribute to Ehren McGhehey's new beard. I hope he knows that I skipped showering for about a week and a half to make this a little more gross. [Shaves his pubic hair]"

"[Riding a BMX bicycle] Why would anybody ride this shit? What's the reasoning? Why can't they just make two of the same size wheel?"

"[After the riot control test] Son of a fuck you!"

"[After Johnny Knoxville falls head first off the penny farthing bicycle] You didn't land it."

"Son of a–fuck you!"

"Ow, my hip! I think I just gave birth!"

"[To Dave England who has an upset stomach] Last time you shit in a damn van and now you get to shit in a limo!"

"[About to be buried up to his neck in a pile of manure] I'm Steve-O and this is some shit. [Screams] I'm Steve-O and this is some shit!"

"I'm Steve-O, and sorry Dad, but no one's gonna miss this for the world. This is the Butt Chug."

"All right cast me out, goddammit!"

"[After completing the butt chug] Alright, let's go to the bar!"

"I just had a leech chomp my eyeball. YES!"

"Dude, Wee Man, I would never use a card throwing machine on you!"

"[Chuckles after extracting horse semen] You just pleasured a horse."

"It's times like these when you know - Johnny Knoxville is one gnarly dude."

"Get ready to be happy ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Knoxville is gonna jump the entire lake! He's amazing."

"[After Matt Hoffman attempts to launch over a ditch, imagined as the "English Channel" on his bicycle] He didn't even make it to Germany!"

"[After getting fired out of a street sewer in a devil costume in DTLA] Keep God outta California! Whoo! Tell Charlie Daniels to write a song about this! God is out! He can have the other 48... or 49... whatever..."

"Hey Ehren, maybe after this movie you'll finally lose your virginity."

"[After Wee Man and Preston go bungee jumping off the bridge] That was intense, really intense. Well, not really intense, but pretty intense."

"Water-based lubricants, friend or foe? You be the judge."

"[After drinking the horse semen] I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I'm completely ashamed of myself."

"I'm so glad I'm not the star of this movie."