"Agent Steve Lardner: You want to kill the good guy but not be the bad guy. It doesn't work like that. You've got to wait until the bad guy kills the good guy. Then when you kill the bad guy, you're the good guy."

"Paul Spericki: I'll see you at the "I've-Peaked-and-I'm-Kidding-Myself" party."

"Marcella: Sir, it's out of my hands. The gods want you to go back home, and they want you to delete someone while you're there."

"Like I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your FUCKIN' forehead and I'm gonna FUCK the brain hole!"

"Uh-oh! Smells like a wedding! You're breaking my heart down here, Blank! I can't aim through the tears!"

"Easy there, chief. I don't see hollow-point wound care on the menu."

"Hey, hey, bing bing bing bing bang! POPCORN!"

"See, kid, this is what I'm talking about. We could be working together again, for God's sake. You know? Making big money, killing important people!"

"[Martin gives Debi flowers] I'll go put these in some rubbing alcohol."

"Where are all the good men dead? In the heart or in the head?"

"People say forgive and forget. Yeah, I don't know. I say forget about forgiving and just accept. And get the hell out of town."

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's... well... broken."

"Everybody's coming back to take stock of their lives. You know what I say? Leave your livestock alone."

"A thousand innocent people get killed every day, but a millionaire's pet gets detonated and you're marked for life."

"[to himself, rehearsing] Hi! I'm Martin Blank, do you remember me? I'm not married, I don't have any kids, and I'd blow your head off if someone paid me enough."

"I just honestly don't know what I have in common with those people anymore... or with anyone, really. I mean, they'll all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they'll have made themselves a part of something, and they can talk about what they do. And what am I going to say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?""

"Dr. Oatman, please pick up, pick up! It's Martin Blank! I, I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart! You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there."

"I know what I do isn't... moral, per se..."

"When I left, I joined the army, and when I took the service exam my psych profile fit a certain... moral flexibility would be the only way to describe it... and I was loaned out to a CIA-sponsored program, and we sort of found each other. That's how it works."

"I guess you could say I went west. You know, the way of Horatio Alger, Davy Crockett, the Donner Party..."

"Never give up, never surrender!"

"Justin Long - Brandon Wheeger"

"Missi Pyle - Laliari/Jane Doe"

"Rainn Wilson - Lahnk"

"Sam Lloyd - Neru"

"Jed Rees - Teb"

"Patrick Breen - Quellek"

"Robin Sachs - General Sarris"

"Enrico Colantoni - Mathesar"

"Sam Rockwell - Guy Fleegman"

"Daryl Mitchell - Tommy Webber/Lt. Laredo"

"Tony Shalhoub - Fred Kwan/Tech Sgt. Chen"

"Alan Rickman - Alexander Dane/Dr. Lazarus"

"Sigourney Weaver - Gwen DeMarco/Lt. Tawny Madison"

"Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith/Commander Peter Quincy Taggart"

"Are we there yet?"

"Pedal to the metal, Commander."

"All systems are functioning Commander."

"A comedy of galactic proportions."

"The show has been cancelled... but the adventure is just beginning."

"By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged."

"[to Jason, after Jason fights Gorignak] I see you managed to get your shirt off."

"[completely deadpan] By Grabthar's Hammer... what a savings."

"[before going through the chompers] We shouldn’t have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is this here? [after going through the chompers] Whoever wrote this episode should die!"

"Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!"

"Look, I have one job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm gonna do it, okay?"

"[on the ship's klaxon sounding] I remember that sound! That's a bad sound!"