"You can't imagine what I've come up with. [shows Buddy an envelope] Paper cuts, now they can be a bitch, occupational hazard I guess. But I bet its been a while since you've had one. Me, I'm starting to get used to them. [slices the envelope into Buddy's face] Stings, doesn't it? Well, like I said, you'll get used to them."

"[While torturing Buddy] It makes me feel so much better."

"[After shooting Buddy's phone] I want you, to think and remember, every insult, every offence, everything you have ever taken away from me. Think to yourself. Its pay back time."

"All right, Guy, come on, let's finish this. Give it to me. Show me what you're made of. Show me what you've learned. Don't let me down, son. Everything I've taught you comes down to this. This is the only way that you can hope to survive. Because life is not a movie. Everyone lies. Good guys lose. And love does not conquer all. So let's do this thing. Let's finish it."

"Look, I don't make the rules. I play by them. What, your job is unfair to you? Grow up, way it goes. People use you? Life's unfair? Grow up, way it goes. Your girlfriend doesn't love you? Tough shit, way it goes. Your wife gets raped and shot, and they leave their unfinished beers...[choking up] their... their stinking long-necks... just lying there on the ground... [cries for a moment, and regains his composure] So be it. Way it goes..."

"You were getting complacent, ungrateful, complete and total job burnout, and don't think I didn't notice. You just didn't give a shit anymore. Draggin' your feet everywhere. Telling everybody you were doing my job. That you were running the show. That without you, I was nothing. Yeah, people tell me things. So don't come preaching to me about your ideas of what's fair. You're no martyr here. You're no hero. You're just a fuckin' hypocrite. You're just like any other punk kid out there, lookin' for a way in, any way in, and you need me!!!"

"Look, I can appreciate this. I was young too, I felt just like you. Hated authority, hated all my bosses, thought they were full of shit. Look, it's like they say, 'If you're not a rebel by the age of 20, you got no heart, but if you haven't turned establishment by 30, you've got no brains.' Because there are no story-book romances, no fairy-tale endings. So before you run out and change the world, ask yourself, 'What do you really want?'"

"You think you know it all, don't you? You're 25 years old. You're a baby. You don't know shit."

"[to Dawn] Look, once you're past the "oops, he caught us" stage and realize that we are both fucked, let me know, okay?"

"You look happy. I hate that!"

"Avoid women directors. They ovulate. Do you have any idea what that does to a three month shoot?"

"If they can't start a meeting without you, well, that's a meeting worth going to, isn't it? And that's the only kind of meeting you should ever concern yourselves with."

"Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"... Good. Now memorize it, because starting now, the only job that you're going to be able to get on this planet or any other planet is selling SHOES!"

"Newland, you couldn't be happy if it meant being cruel. If we act any other way, I'll be making you act against what I love in you most. And I can't go back to that way of thinking. Don't you see! I can't love you unless I give you up."

"Jim Cummings - Ocula"

"Harry Shearer - Punch-It"

"Michael McKean - Insaniac/Troglokhan"

"Christopher Guest - Slamfist/Scratch-It"

"Bruce Dern - Link Static"

"Clint Walker - Nick Nitro"

"George Kennedy - Brick Bazooka"

"Jim Brown - Butch Meathook"

"Ernest Borgnine - Kip Killigan"

"Frank Langella - Archer"

"Tommy Lee Jones - Chip Hazard"

"Jackie Joseph - Wife"

"Rance Howard - Husband"

"Belinda Balaski - Neighbor"

"Julius Tennon - Toy World Supervisor"

"Archie Hahn - Satellite Dish Installer"

"Jonathan Bouck - Brad"

"Alexandra Wilson - Ms. Kegel"

"Denis Leary - Gil Mars"

"Jacob Smith - Timmy Fimple, Christy’s younger brother"

"Robert Picardo - Ralph, Clean Room Technician"

"Wendy Schaal - Marion Fimple, Christy’s mother"

"Dick Miller - Joe"

"Ann Magnuson - Irene Abernathy, Alan’s mother"

"David Cross - Irwin Wayfair"

"Kevin Dunn - Stuart Abernathy, Alan’s father"

"Phil Hartman - Phil Fimple, Christy’s father (final film role)"

"Jay Mohr - Larry Benson"

"Gregory Smith - Alan Abernathy"

"Kirsten Dunst - Christy Fimple"

"We found out what it really takes to make a great toy, to make it stand out on the shelf. We learned how the joints of toys worked, all the mechanics that go into them. The whole thing was an education; and we helped to create a toy line that was extremely successful for Hasbro. In fact, ultimately, sales for the Small Soldiers toys out-performed the film."

"[from theatrical trailer] GloboTech Defense Systems. In a secret lab, the world's most advanced military microprocessor has been created. But the Cold War is over. For GloboTech to survive, new markets must be found. Now, all that power has been placed into the brain of a fighting machine unlike any known to man. They made it strong. They made it clever. They made it... small. They made... a mistake."

"The few, the proud, and the small."

"Big Action! Big Trouble! Big Movie! Small Soldiers!"