"That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her, I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half because you know what it's like to be whole."

"I don't want to hear about you sleeping with my daughter. You're sleeping with me now."

"[on the phone, leaving a message] Babe, you're acting like I have cheated on you, and I have never cheated on you. Except for that one time, with myself, and you caught me."

"Ewan McGregor — Catcher Block"

"Sarah Paulson — Vickie Hiller"

"David Hyde Pierce—Peter MacManus"

"Renee Zellweger — Barbara Novak"

"I'm sorry I have to say this, Barbara but....I love you. So I can make love to you heartfelt, passionate, worshiping, adoring love and you can still have meaningless sex with me, right?"

"The ultimate catch has met his match"

"I'm not gonna storm out of here, Catch. And I'm not gonna admit that you got Barbara Novak to fall in love, because I'm not Barbara Novak. There is no Barbara Novak. And I didn't fall in love with Zip Martin. I fell in love with Catcher Block. And that was a year ago, when for three and a half weeks I worked as your secretary. I don't expect you to remember me, I wasn't a blond then. But you did ask me out. And it broke my heart to say no, but I loved you too much. I couldn't bear to become just another notch in your bedpost. With your dating habits I knew that even if I was lucky enough to get a regular spot on your rotating schedule, I would never have your undivided attention long enough for you to fall in love with me. I knew I had to do something to set myself apart. I knew I had to quit my job as your secretary, and write an international best-seller controversial enough to get the attention of a New York publisher as well as KNOW magazine, but insignificant enough that as long as I went unseen, KNOW magazine's star journalist would refuse to do a cover story about it. I knew that every time we were supposed to meet, you would get distracted by one of your many girlfriends and stand me up, and this would give me a reason to fight with you over the phone and declare that I wouldn't meet with you for a hundred years. And then all I would have to do was be patient and wait the two or three weeks it would take for everyone in the world to buy a copy of my best-seller, and then I would begin to get the publicity I would need for you to, one, see what I look like, and, two, see me denounce you in public as the worst kind of man. I knew that this would make you want get even by writing one of your exposés. And in order to do that, you would have to go undercover, assume a false identity and pretend to be the kind of man who would make the kind of girl I was pretending to be fall in love. And I knew that since I was pretending to be a girl who would have sex on the first date you would have pretend to be a man who wouldn't have sex for several dates. And in doing so, we would go out on lots of dates to all the best places and all the hit shows until finally, one night, you would take me back to your place that you were pretending was someone else's in order to get the evidence you needed to write your exposé. By seducing me until I said, "I love you." But saying "I love you" was also my plan. I just wanted to tell you the truth so that when you heard me say, "I love you" you would know that I knew who you were, and you would know who I was. Then you, the great Catcher Block, would know that you'd been beaten at your own game—by me, Nancy Brown, your former secretary. And I would have, once and for all, set myself apart from all the other girls you've known, all those other girls that you never really cared about, by making myself someone like the one person you really love and admire above all others: you. Then, when you realized that you had finally met your match, I would have at last gained the respect that would make you wanna marry me first and seduce me later. [Catch is staring at her in undisguised confusion and astonishment.] I just wanted you to hear all this from me before you heard it from your private eye."

"I'm taking [Barbara] to my place which she still thinks is your place by saying the guy she thinks I am who acts like you has a meeting there with you and the guy who she still doesn't know I really am."

"Bridgette Wilson-Sampras — Francine Donolly"

"Justin Chambers — Massimo Lenzetta"

"Judy Greer — Penny Nicholson"

"Matthew McConaughey — Steve Edison"

"Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t wed, plan."

"His big day is her big problem."

"Jennifer Lopez — Mary Fiore"

"Penny: Oh no! Darn it, I just remembered that I... I promised my friend's brother's godmother that I would help her um change her fax cartridge tonight... because she's going out of town tomorrow... on an African safari!"

"Bert: Girl asks you to dance, you dance."

"Massimo: You long for him the way I long for you."

"Geri: Pierre, I love you, but if you use another carnation in my bouquet I will deport you. Muah."

"Massimo: You need to learn the patience. Love can't always be perfect. Love is just love."

"Oh, of course. Krazy Glue. Why didn't I bring the Krazy Glue, in case his pecker fell off?"

"You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches."

"What I'm thinking involves a machete and a pair of pliers."

"Are you aware that Fran has chosen teal for her bridesmaids? Teal, the color of gangrene. ... Oh, oh, and I Honestly Love You as your wedding song? You might as well commit matrimonial suicide right now!"

"You saved... my shoe. M-my life."

"Monica Keena - Mary Callaghan"

"Earwax. 'X' on a triple letter, 'A' on a double word. Seventy-two points."

"You are exquisite. You're timeless. And you have the love of a man named Steve. A man who, while you were away having meetings about mozzarella, said to me: 'I can't believe she picked me. I can't believe I'm marrying the most incredible woman I've ever met.' So that tells me that this marriage of yours is not only gonna work, it's gonna last forever."

"A quarter cup of lemon juice, half a cup of salt and a loofah sponge. Scrub scrub scrub."

"Micole Mercurio - Midge Callaghan"

"Jason Bernard - Jerry Wallace"

"Michael Rispoli - Joe Fusco Jr."

"Glynis Johns - Elsie"

"I had to go through your wallet to get your identification. And you know what I must say, I've ever met anyone who alphabetized her credit cards before."

"Ally Walker - Ashley Bartlett Bacon"

"Peter Boyle - Ox Callaghan"

"Jack Warden - Saul"

"He would get these far-off looks in his eyes and he would say "Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan." I just wish I'd realized at the time, he was talking about my life."

"Peter once asked me when I fell in love with Jack. And I told him, "It was while you were sleeping.""

"Sandra Bullock - Lucy Moderatz"

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person really knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?"

"What if what I think is great, really is great... but it's not as great, as something greater?"

"Bill Pullman - Jack Callaghan"

"Peter Gallagher - Peter Callaghan"

"Ben Bodé as Tom Marlowe"

"Derek Basco as Ricky"