"Richard Levy: [showing Tad a tabloid cover story] Congratulations. You're actually drinking, driving, smoking, leering and groping at the same time. Which on one hand, is just about the coolest thing ever...but on the other hand, maybe isn't so great for the image."

"Cathy Feely: [to Tad] And at which point, Tad. If you are going back to the airport, I will ride with you, and by the Route 73 cloverleaf, I will have given myself to you in ways you've only read about in the drugstore!"

"Henry Futch: Sometimes Goliath kicks the shit out of David. It's just nobody bothers to tell that story."

"Kathryn Hahn - Angelica"

"[kisses Rosie] I love you, Rosie. I always have. If I've been a jerk this last week, it's because I've been fighting - I've been fighting for you. I don't want to lose you to Tad Hamilton, or anyone else. You're the one."

"Yikes-a-bee."

"[to Tad] Like do you know she has six smiles? One when something really makes her laugh. One when she's making plans. One when she is laughing out of politeness. One when she is uncomfortable. One when she is making fun of herself. And one when... she's talking about her friends."

"I can't go with you Tad, because you don't love me, you maybe want to love me. But I think what you love right now is the idea of me. You can't love someone for what they stand for or seem to be. You have to love them for their details, for the little things that are true of them and only them."

"[giving Rosalee some parting advice before her big date] Guard your carnal treasure."

"I told you to guard your carnal treasure! You practically chucked it at him!"

"Tad Hamilton is an actor. How do you know he's not acting with you?"

"You have five smiles, Pete. One when you think someone an idiot. One when you think someone's REALLY an idiot. One when you're singing to Barry White. One when you're getting all dressed up. And one when you're looking at me."

"I am the boy-next-door... if you live in a dysfunctional neighborhood."

"[summing up the "Win a Date" contest] Heaven is just a mouse click away."

"When great love is rejected, Rosalee, something inside a man dies. So all he can do is run away, where he can meet the girl he'll love second most."

"Hey, if you feel it and you don't do everything in your power to reach for it, then you're basically slapping life in the face."

"Noble Willingham - Roger Roy McClellan"

"William Forsythe - the Store Custodian"

"Jenny O'Hara - Dotty Dodge"

"John Candy (uncredited) - the manager of the Target store"

"Jennifer Connelly - Josie McClellan"

"John M. Jackson - Bud Dodge"

"Any little fraulein who expects anything more from me than a little bit of pleasure, a little bit of danger, and a great set of pectorals, she's looking for a fall right on her ass."

"[to himself] She's so beautiful. And I'm the town liar."

"He took the job that no one wanted...and got the girl that everyone did."

"Maximum comedy at minimum wage!"

"Frank Whaley - Jim Dodge"

"Dermot Mulroney - Nestor Pyle"

"Kieran Mulroney - Gil Kinney"

"Dale Raoul as Mom"