Talent Tv Shows

"Claire Young: Look, a snake! Ugh! I hate snakes. If Sir Alan, for a Million Pound, came up to me and said "Claire, kiss that snake.", I'd say. "I'm sorry. I'd rather kiss you!""

"(In the boardroom after the kosher chicken incident) Sir Alan Sugar: It's an insult to the Muslim religion, let alone the Jewish religion. On your CV, what did you say on there? You're a good Jewish boy. Michael Sophocles: I'm not, I'm only half Jewish, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, you either are or you aren't, yeah? Michael Sophocles: I'm a nice Jewish boy. Sir Alan Sugar: OK, because if you're unsure, you can always pull your trousers and we can check."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Is it right that you went to a Muslim halal butcher and asked him to give you a kosher chicken, and he actually made a prayer over it, is that right? Michael Sophocles: That's correct, Sir Alan. Margaret Mountford: And he slaughtered it for you? Michael Sophocles: That's correct. Sir Alan Sugar: Are you having a laugh or what? I don't know why you didn't go the whole hog, and find a Roman Catholic priest to take the butcher's confession. You're here because you're supposed to be intelligent people, it's unbelievable! Aren't you embarrassed, Michael? Michael Sophocles: I am embarrassed, yes, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Do you know what the word L'Chaim means? Michael Sophocles: I know what the word schmuck means. Sir Alan Sugar: (repeating the question) No, but do you know what the word L'Chaim means? Michael Sophocles: No. Sir Alan Sugar: (shocked) You don't?!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: You know what? I think this team was totally out of control. It's the people who made the mistakes in buying the products that I can point at, or I can point at the team leader. Be under no illusion, there's no rule, no written rule, that I just have to get rid of one person. There's three terrible mistakes here. I don't give a shit! I'll fire three of you if I have to, I'll fire the whole bloody five of you! Don't bother me at all! It's up to you, you open your bloody mouth, or I'll just make some quick decisions."

"(Sir Alan, Margaret and Nick continue the discussion alone...) Nick Hewer: How can he not know what a kosher chicken is? He did classics at Edinburgh, he's a bright enough boy, how could he make such a mess of things?. Margaret Mountford: Well, I think Edinburgh's not what it used to be."

"Sir Alan Sugar: You know what, it seems that you hang on every word that I say and turn it on your colleagues. No good, no good. Sorry, same old story. Jenny, you're fired. Goodbye! (Jenny gets up and leaves) Right, who's next?"

"Lee McQueen: (on the phone to Raef) Just to let you know, we fucking just nailed the blue cactus as well.(laughs) Come on. Raef Bjayou: (to a seller after he hangs up the phone) Sorry about the bad language you heard there."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Jenny, you are a woman of the world. Slightly older than the rest of the people here. (Jenny smiles as he says this) Jenny Celerier: It's my birthday today Sir Alan. I'm thirty-six today. Sir Alan Sugar: (paying somewhat scant regard) Congratulations. At 36 are you telling me you've never heard of the term "analogy kosher" and you don't know that's associated with Jewish people? Jenny Celerier: (nodding and shaking her head at the same time) No, Sir Alan."

"Raef Bjayou: I think that we need to remember that those in a size 16-32 dress, are size 16-32 for a reason: they love cake."

"Michael Sophocles: They're just dumb-dumbs. (after failing to sell a cake to some brides-to-be)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: The fundamental flaw here is that the selling approach was wrong, in the sense that you're not selling double glazing. Michael Sophocles: I didn't sell it like a hard-sell double glazing. Nick Hewer: Really? Sara Dhada: We tried our absolute best to sell those cakes, it was really difficult. The first questions, we were asking, "Are you getting married, who are you getting married to? Really interested in their wedding. It is new, it's all edible..." [Sir Alan winces; Nick and Margaret look at Sara disapprovingly] Sara Dhada: "...You can do this to it, you can do that to it, you can have different colours put in it, it'll be like a wow factor at your wedding." We explained all these points, and it was so difficult to... Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, I'll tell you what. If I had been one of the recipients of your sales pitch, if it's anything like what you're doing now, I would have gotten hold of your head and pushed it in the bloody cake!"

"(in order to generate sales for Alpha, Raef tries on the bear costume slipping on the bear's head) Raef Bjayou: (laughing for a second) I'm going to suffocate in this thing!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: Stop it! Not on! Naughty, Naughty, Naughty!"

"Lucinda Ledgerwood: I don't like the boxing, I don't like the colors, and I don't like the pictures on it and to me that is... Lee McQueen: So, is it underlying factor then that you shouldn't have volunteered to go and look at the fucking... Lucinda Ledgerwood: I didn't FUCKING volunteer!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Renaissance) I didn’t send you out to do a remake of Ben-Hur!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Renaissance) You made one, not one, The biggest error. The biggest error going: I don't know what your bloody advert's about! I do not know what it's about! It doesn't mention the word "tissues" once in the voice-over, you've got this little box of tissues down the bottom that... and a little strap-line down the bottom and it would not sell any tissues. It might make me or my grandmother or my auntie smile and look at the little kid crying and think "Ahhhh" like that but it ain't gonna make me look for those on the shelf! You lost! I'm sorry, you lost and it's not my opinion. This is the opinion of the three professionals I consulted today, and I am so frustrated because you did 90-5% of the work! A much better cinema-graphic, representation than these people. Much, much better but I'm sorry, you lost! (To Alpha) You won because your horrible advert, your horrible box threw it in the people's face, the actor there was talking about tissues three times, he brought out the anti-bacterial thing which is one of the points that I wanted to mention. You had the box in big shot, in the picture, on the mum's lap, you had it again somewhere else and at the end pack shot you had it there. (tapping Alpha's box) That's the thing I'm gonna remember. You won, so well done."

"Claire Young: How do you think Michael is? Helene Speight: Shit. Claire Young: I think he's shit as well."

"Michael Sophocles: Sir Alan, I think I'm an absolutely fantastic salesman... Sir Alan Sugar: But you didn't bloody sell did you?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Helene your posture, not being disrespectful or rude, you remind me of the portrait of the Mona Lisa in which there's this one sole expression with you all the time."

"Claude Littner: I'll talk about Lucinda if I may, Alan. She's a very intelligent, bright individual. No doubt highly skilled at what she does and I would think she'd be a disaster for you. Paul Kemsley: I'll tell you a good point. If you're building a nice office for yourself and you want it lit beautifully with candles - nice smelling candles, good aroma therapy in the air, nice calm, perfect... Karren Brady: Paul! That is unfair."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Lucinda, I'm afraid to say you're a little bit too zany for me, a little bit too unconventional for me. And so, Lucinda, with regret, you're fired!"

"Claude Littner: What are the things you're going to offer Sir Alan? Alex Wotherspoon: Like you say, I am 24 years old so... Claude Littner: Can you not just answer a question?! I'm finding it very.. I mean, it's just how many times do I have to ask the same question before you actually give me an answer!"

"Claude Littner: (on Lee's CV which is riddled with spelling mistakes) Did they ever teach you spelling?"

"Bordan Tkachuk: You were doing a degree, were you? Lee McQueen: No, unfortunately for me my exam results etc were never good enough to do a degree. When I was a trainee catering manager, they put me through to do a professional qualification in catering. I was there for two years, I was actually doing my HCIMA for that period of time. Bordan Tkachuk: Are you sure it was two years? Lee McQueen: As far as I am aware, it was two years, yes. Bordan Tkachuk: Really? The university has actually dropped me a line here confirming that you were only there for four months. Lee McQueen: Really? Oh, Okay well then, it was four months then. Bordan Tkachuk: Was it two years or four months? Do you want to see or do you know? Lee McQueen: No, no, if that's what you are saying. Bordan Tkachuk: No, I am asking you. I have asked you twice, it's your CV. It says Thames University 1996 to 1998. Lee McQueen: Then I have, um, put something incorrect on my CV. Bordan Tkachuk: Was it just one thing? Lee McQueen: Well, I have made a mistake already haven't I, so it's difficult for me to be completely confident. Bordan Tkachuk: What worries me is that you have got someone here who is prepared to bullshit their way through. Lee McQueen: I am not prepared to bullshit my way through. Bordan Tkachuk: Well you did on that. Lee McQueen: I am not prepared to bullshit my way through. Bordan Tkachuk: But you did on that and that worries me a little bit about you because I am looking at this and saying what else is there about you? Lee McQueen: My integrity is out the window. All I would say to you is that I am not proud my educational background, Bordan, and I have put something down there to make my educational background seem a little bit better than what it is and that's a blip on my integrity and I can't erase that. All I can say is that I am disappointed in myself for doing that."

"Claire Young: (as Lucinda is in an interview with Claude Littner) Lucinda's been up there ages. Oh, I'd love to be her in there. (in Lucinda's voice) Erm, erm, excuse me. Erm, erm (normal voice) And he'd just be like "Shut it! Shut up now!""

"Paul Kemsley: I didn't find anything interesting in your CV. Alex Wotherspoon: Obviously taking into account my age, that's why my CV isn't as extensive as... Paul Kemsley: I was running my own business at twenty-two."

"Ruth Badger: Tell me what you mean by autocratic? Mani Sandher: I haven't got time for this - look it up in the dictionary. Ruth Badger: Okay. Patronising as well."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I did have a preview of that tape before. Nick actually gave it to me and when he gave it to me, I thought he had mixed it up with one of his other videos, because to me it looks like a 1970s porno movie Debbie Does Dallas. (Nick and Ruth exchange amused looks)"

"Paul Tulip: (to the camera) If I get brought back into the boardroom, I'm gonna laugh my head off and just absolutely annihilate Alexa. (In the end Paul wasn't brought back into the final boardroom)"

"Alexa Tilley: I had to take my lead from Tuan and Syed because I don't have restaurant experience. Nick Hewer: Well, you did work in a pizza parlor, you told me. Alexa Tilley: Yes, I sold pizzas at Asda but I don't really have experience of quantities that would go into producing that number of pizzas."

"Sir Alan Sugar: It was dictated to you? By who? Syed Ahmed: By the chef. Sir Alan Sugar: What, the chef said 'Buy 100 chickens'? (doubtfully) You sure?"

"The Invicta Chef: (on the argument between Samuel and Tuan) Welcome to the catering world."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Mani Sandher) You think you did a good job? Mani Sandher: I did the best job I could. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Invicta) How did we get on here then? How do you like having a lady operating you then? Any good? (brief pause) Don't all rush. Tuan Le: Could be better. Sir Alan Sugar: (to Alexa Tilley) You think you did a good job? Alexa Tilley: I enjoyed it. I think we worked alright together as a team. Sir Alan Sugar: Anything else you've got to say chaps? Paul Tulip: I'd be very surprised if we won."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've set you lot a task and now have got to fire someone; quite frankly I'd like to get rid of the bleeding three of you. Tell me why I shouldn't get rid of you, now! Syed Ahmed: Because I'm a winner, Sir Alan, that's why. Sir Alan Sugar: You're not a bloody winner! You lost! Syed Ahmed: I've learnt from my mistakes, and I've learnt from this, definitely, and this well never happen again. Sir Alan Sugar: Business is not about come in, piss my money up the wall, "Oh, never mind, sorry you lost it, now you've learnt your lesson, you won't do it again." Syed Ahmed: I've learnt life the hard way, from a young age. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible. Syed Ahmed: And I put in 150%. Sir Alan Sugar: I hold you 100% responsible! Syed Ahmed: I stepped up to the mark, and I... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry, Syed, I hold you 100% responsible. But... (to Alexa) I warned you, I warned you severely about this. You have not come to the table today, I still don't understand what you did. He [Syed] should be going with you also... You're a very, very bad manager. You didn't manage this thing properly. You're a lightweight. You're fired! (brief pause) I'm really angry with this situation. Clear off! (Alexa, Syed and Tuan get up and start to leave. Before walking out the door, Syed turns to Sir Alan) Syed Ahmed: Thank you, Sir Alan, thank you for the opportunity. (leaves) Sir Alan Sugar: Cheeky bastard. "Thank you for the opportunity.""

"Sir Alan Sugar: What a shower. What a bloody shower! (about the losing team)"

"Margaret Mountford: Velocity had a float of £2,000. They spent £1,097, and they took £1,423, so they made a profit of £326. Sir Alan Sugar: Right, okay. Nick? Nick Hewer: Well, Invicta were also given a budget of £2,000... they spent it. Sir Alan Sugar: They spent all of it? Nick Hewer: Yep, bar £6. Took only £1,186, which resulted I'm afraid in a thumping loss of £807. Sir Alan Sugar: LOSS! That's a first, chaps! That's a first!"

"Nick Hewer: So that's 100 chickens and 100 chicken tikka pizzas, one chicken per pizza? Alexa Tilley: That... that sounds like a lot of chickens."

"Paul Tulip: (In an Italian accent) You mess with me, I carve you up!"

"Syed Ahmed: We need 100 chickens, we need 30 kilos of minced beef, and we need 45 kilos of gammon. So I'll repeat that again, 45 kilos of gammon, minced beef 30 kilos, chicken: 100 chickens. (on the phone to the wholesaler)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Do I need another corporate lawyer? The answer is no. Karen, you're fired!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I just don't know whether you're some sort of bloody nutter. (to Jo Cameron)"

"Virgin Megastores buyer: (about Invicta's children's calendar) It's got a look of desktop publishing about it. Mani Sandher: Does it? Virgin Megastores buyer: I don't think we'll be able to pay more than £2.70-£2.75 for this. (silence)"

"Syed Ahmed: (After the Harrods pitch and moving on to the Virgin pitch) We got annihilated! I still don't know what the retail price is! Paul Tulip: I can't believe they were asking us, "What do you think we should put the retail price on?" Eh?! Syed Ahmed: Thirty six hours! Paul Tulip: Thirty six hours you're meant to be doing that sort of thing!"

"Mani Sandher: You don't have a clue what we're doing, do you? You don't have a clue what we're doing! Syed Ahmed: Well, why don't you explain it then... Mani Sandher: I can't be bothered to explain it to you, 'cause it'll take all day!"

"Nargis Ara: Ask me any questions. Virgin Megastores buyer: What sort of retail price are... Nargis Ara: (interrupting) I haven't finished speaking!"

"Nargis Ara: Did you know that there are six million cat owners in the UK alone? (the opening line to all her pitches)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Tuan, you're being very quiet and it don't rub off on me just sitting back and letting everyone hang themselves. If anyone's going to be fired amongst you gentlemen today, who would you pick? Tuan Le: (instantly) Ben. Sir Alan Sugar: (somewhat surprised) You would? Tuan Le: Yes."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ben, name them. Two people that are coming back into this boardroom with you because one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Well, I'm very disappointed by the lack of loyalty, they didn't stand up to be counted; to be a leader, they put me out there. I took up the challenge... Sir Alan Sugar: I didn't ask you that question, I'm not looking for a lecture. Name the two people you'd think that didn't perform in this task, 'cause one of you is gonna get fired. Ben Stanberry: Samuel and Syed."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I've got your card marked. (to Syed)"

"Syed Ahmed: I grew up in the East End, and have had to work for everything, no handouts... (whenever he found himself in the firing line)"