"Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very, very, long time. If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline."

"[If the player manages to trap themselves] Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room. A complimentary escape hatch will open in 3... 2... 1."

"As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. When the testing is over, you will be... Missed."

"All subjects intending to handle high-energy gamma leaking portal technology must be informed that they may be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues. No further compliance information is required or will be provided, and you are an excellent test subject!"

"[once Pellet has been caught] Very very good. A complimentary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber."

"The Enrichment Center is committed to the well-being of all participants. Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

"[If player traps themselves in the pellet catcher area] Through no fault of the Enrichment Center, you have managed to trap yourself in this room. An escape hatch will open in 3... 2... 1."

"Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"

"Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids. The Enrichment Center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck."

"Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance."

"The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in 3, 2, 1..."

"This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through (most of) the test chamber. Please take care of it."

"The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."

"[once second pellet has been caught] The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."

"[once the last button has been activated] You did it! The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck. However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized. Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator."

"[once the cube has been incinerated] You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations. [If this is done for the first time, an achievement titled “Fratricide” (described as “Do whatever it takes to survive.”) is unlocked at the same time.]"

"The experiment is nearing its conclusion. The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake."

"[If player traps themselves in the pellet catcher area] Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room. A complimentary escape hatch will open in 3... 2... 1."

"[If player loses a cube in the goo at the bottom] Weighted Storage Cube destroyed. Please proceed to the Aperture Science Vital Apparatus Vent for a replacement. [Vital Apparatus vent opens]"

"Well done! Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions. For more information, please attend an (Aperture Science computer-aided) Enrichment Center Electrical Safety seminar."

"Welcome to the final test. When you are done, you will drop the device in the Equipment Recovery Annex - Enrichment Center regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake (garbled speech)"

"Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. [The player's platform slows down and is lowered into a fire pit] Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."

"What are you doing? Stop it! I... I-I... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very, very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honour of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party."

"Hello? Where are you? I know you're there, I can feel you here. Hello?"

"What are you doing? You haven't escaped, you know. You're not even going the right way. Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Uh-oh, somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back."

"You're not even going the right way. Where do you think you're going? Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going. Hello?"

"Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said “Goodbye”, and you were like, [deep voice: “No way!”] And then I was all, “We pretended we were going to murder you.”? That was great. Is anyone there?"

"You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you. It's not too late for you to turn back. I'm not angry. Just go back to the testing area."