"You really are the very monster I created, aren't you? But you won't find out the "why" of this if you kill me. Fifteen years of being curious would go to waste."

"What I am isn't important. Why is important."

"Remember this: "Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink as the same.""

"One month...I'm out in one month...One month, just one month...I'm out in one month! What if I am on the 50th floor? I don't care if I fall right down on the ground...I would still be out! [When licking his hands touched by the first raindrops he felt in 15 years after digging with a chopstick through the wall]"

"If you see a man whose face is hidden behind a violet umbrella...then... my advice is that you become good friends with Television."

"No...first I have to kill the bastard! [Responding in his mind to Mido about visiting his wife's grave]"

"I have truly become a monster..."

"I will avenge for my fifteen years... for every tooth I pull out...you will age by one year. [Dae-Su to the man owing the complex where he was imprisoned]"

"I said... I want to eat something alive. [Before eating a live octopus and then faints at sushi bar counter]"

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you... weep, and you weep alone."

"Can fifteen years of imaginary training really be put to use? [Dae-su tries to sexually assault Mi-do and gets clobbered] No. It can't."

"Can fifteen years of imaginary training really be put to use? [Dae-su fights a gang of thugs] Apparently, it can."

"[The hypnotist quoting a line from his journal] Even though I'm no better than a beast, don't I have the right to live?"

"Craig T. Nelson - Coach"

"William Fichtner - Darren MacElroy"

"Jenna Fischer - Katie Van Waldenberg"

"Amy Poehler - Fairchild Van Waldenberg"

"Will Arnett - Stranz Van Waldenberg"

"Jon Heder - Jimmy MacElroy"

"Will Ferrell - Chazz Michael Michaels"

"Alan Keyes – himself"

"Luenell – herself"

"Bob Barr – himself"

"Pamela Anderson – herself"

"Ken Davitian – Azamat Bagatov"

"Sacha Baron Cohen – Borat Sagdiyev"

"[to audience members at a rodeo] My name-a Borat. I come from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your war of terror! May we show our support to our boys in Iraq! May US and A kill every single terrorist! May your George Bush drink the blood of every single man, women, and child of Iraq! May you destroy their country so that for next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert!"

"[To the receptionist in a luxury Georgia hotel] Wazzup with it, vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat parked our slab outside. We're looking for somewhere to post up our black asses for the night, so bang-bang, skeet-skeet, nigga. We just a couple of pimps, no hoes."

"[On the subway] Hello. My name-a Borat. I'm-a new in town. (A chicken falls out of his briefcase)"

"This is Natalya. [kisses her passionately] She is my sister. She is number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. [Natalya holds up her trophy] Nice!"

"[kissing gesture made to woman] Very nice. How much?"

"[walking towards fourth wall] Yakshemash. My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex. It's nice."

"My name is Howard Stern, and welcome to the new morning show. And we have a new feature for you. This is, uh, something special. We have a traffic copter now here at WWWW. Let's go up to Mama Look-a boo boo day in the traffic copter. Mama, you there? Hello? Mama? Uh. [Helicopter sound effect] Hello? [In Mama's voice] Yes, hello. This is Mama Look-a boo boo day, the only black traffic reporter in the Detroit area, I'm proud to say. [in his normal voice] Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama. Tell me, uh, what's going on in the traffic? [in Mama's voice] First, a political statement, if I may. Kill, Kill, Kill... The White Man, by Eugene Mama Look-a boo boo day. Eugene is my pen name 'cause I wrote this while I was in the pen. OK, here we go. Kill, kill, kill the white man. Kill him until he is dead. Kill the white man. Thank you."

"David Letterman - Himself"

"Tiny Tim - Himself"

"Dee Snider - Himself"

"Renee Suran - Herself"

"Slash (musician) - Himself"

"John Popper - Himself"

"Ozzy Osbourne - Himself"

"Ted Nugent - Himself"

"M.C. Hammer - Himself"