"You see, Mrs. Walker, this is quite an opportunity for me. For the past 50 years or so I've been getting more and more worried about Christmas. Seems we're all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas and I are sort of getting lost in the shuffle."

"Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind... and that's what's been changing. That's why I'm glad I'm here, maybe I can do something about it."

"Philip Tonge - Julian Shellhammer"

"Maureen O'Hara - Doris Walker"

"Amir Blumenfeld as Adrian"

"David Krumholtz as Seth Goldstein"

"Thomas Lennon as Todd"

"Patton Oswalt as Larry Juston/Mall Santa"

"Eddie Kaye Thomas as Andy Rosenberg"

"Neil Patrick Harris as a fictionalized version of himself"

"Danny Trejo as Mr. Perez"

"Danneel Harris as Vanessa Fanning"

"John Cho as Harold Lee"

"Kal Penn as Kumar Patel"

"Elias Koteas as Sergei Katsov"

"Koreans have killed his mother and now his tree. Christmas is ruined."

"[Upon being asked to go to a Christmas Eve party] No can do man. I have to stay here and smoke this weed, otherwise I won't get high."

"Uh, miss, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you rape my friend on Christmas Eve."

"Paula Garcés as Maria Perez-Lee"

"[Adrian: Also, I told her you work for the White House.] Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe that."

"Dog/Wolf voices"

"Diane Keaton - Daphne"

"Olympia Dukakis - Rosie"

"Charles Barkley - himself"

"Danny DeVito - Rocks"

"Kirstie Alley - Mollie Ubriacco"

"David Gallagher - Michael "Mikey" Ubriacco"

"John Travolta - James Ubriacco"

"Tabitha Lupien - Julie Ubriacco"

"When he gets nervous, he gets completely honest. That is a major business liability."

"Lysette Anthony - Samantha"

"George Segal - Albert"

"Look, they're gonna know my wife put me in this suit. It's the color of poo."

"Mr. Prescott!"

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

"Good idea."

"Around the back!"

"[To Vera] Shut up, Vera!"

"Uh-oh! Let's get out of here!"

"Hey, don't touch me, officer!"

"[To Kevin] Shut up, you little moron!"

"Good night. Aah!"

"Well, prison isn't so bad. We do get Salisbury steak on Wednesdays."

"Jerry Nelson as:"

"Steve Whitmire as:"

"Frank Oz as:"

"David Rudman as:"

"Dave Goelz as:"

"Steven Mackintosh - Fred"

"Jessica Fox voices the Ghost of Christmas Past"