Legally Blonde (musical)

"(All) You'll get him whipped into shape if you get grief from a guy. You'll work him over with this, till he starts to cry. If he don't act like he should. You've got to whip it whip it whip it good! It gets you out of any sway. And gets you whipped into shape!"

"(Callaghan) Hands. Who thinks she's guilty? Here is where you kids come in. Brooke has trouble trusting me. I'm her only chance to win, but I don't speak MTV. Brooke won't help her own defense, she may listen to her peers. Go and place a little sense in a place between her ears. I want her whipped into shape. If there's a brain in that hair, I want a bargain with her. It's a plea or the chair. When I talk to her I get neither Plea nor Plan nor Alibi. To quote from my defendant's tape! I want her whipped into shape!"

"(Elle) There! Right there! Look at that tan well tended skin! Look at the killer shape he's in! Look at that slightly stubbly chin! Oh please he's gay totally gay! (Callaghan) I'm not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate! That guys not gay! I say not gay!"

"(All) That is the elephant in the room. Well is a relative to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey! (Emmett) Look at his quoft and crispy locks! (Elle) Look at his silk translucent socks! (Callaghan) There's the eternal paradox look what we're seeing! (Vivianne) What are we seeing? (Callaghan) Is he gay (Elle) Of course he's gay. (Callaghan) Or European?"

"(All) Ooooohhhh! Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European? (Warner) Well hey, don't look at me! (Vivianne) You see they bring their boy up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports! In shiny shirts and tiny shorts! Gay or foreign fella! The answer could take weeks! They both say things like Ciao Bella while they kiss you on both cheeks! (Elle) Oh please! (All) Gay or European, so many shades of grey! (Warner) Depending on the time of day the french go either way! (All) Is he gay or European or-"

"(Enid) There! Right there! Look at that condescending smirk! Seen it on every guy at work! That is a metro-hetro jerk! That guy's not gay, I say, no way! (All) That is the elephant in the room well is it relevant to assume that a hotty in that costume in automatically radically, certainly flirtingly, genetically medically. Gay! officially gay! Swishingly gay gay gay gay! (Nikos kisses the hand of the judge) (All) Damnit! Gay or European? (Callaghan) So stylish and relaxed? (All) Is he gay or European? (Callaghan) I think his chest is waxed!"

"(Vivianne) But they bring their boys up different there! It's culturally diverse! It's not a fashion curse! (All) If he wears a kilt or bares a purse. Gay or just exotic, I still can't crack the code! (Brooke) His accent is hypnotic! But his shoes are pointy toed! (All) Gay or European! So many shades of grey! (Judge) But if he turns out straight I'm free at 8 on Saturday! (All) Is he gay or European! Gay or European! Gay or euro-"

"(Emmett) Wait a minute, I think I can crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try! (Callaghan) The floor is yours."

"(Emmett spoken) So Mr. Argytakos this affair with Ms. Windham has been going on for? (Nikos all spoken) 2 years (Emmett) And your first name is? (Nikos) Nikos. (Emmett) And your boyfriends name is? (Nikos) Carlos. (All gasp) (Nikos choking, trying to cover) I'm sorry I misheard! You say boyfriend, I thought you say bestfriend! Carlos is my... best friend!"

"(Carlos spoken) You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it! I no cover for you no more! Peoples! I has a big announcement to make! (Sung) This man is gay and European! (All) Woah! (Carlos) And neither is disgrace! You've got to stop you being a completely closet case! (All) Oh! (Carlos) It me not her he seeing! No matter what he say! I swear he never ever ever swing the other way! You are so gay you big parfait! You flaming one man caberet! (Nikos) I'm straight! (Carlos) You were not yesterday! So if I may! I'm proud to say! He's gay! (All) And European! (Carlos) He's gay! (all) And European (Carlos) Please gay! (All) And European and gay! (Nikos) Fine Ok! I'm gay! (All) Hooray!"

"(Margot,Serena, Pilar) Road trip! Road trip!"

"(Judge) Court reconvenes, at the scene of the crime,but I hope she's not wasting my time."

"(Elle spoken) Enid,Paulette,can you do this for me?"

"(Serena,Margot, Pilar) We're on the move to the scene of the crime... Got stuff to prove at the scene of the crime."

"(Judge) Here we at the crime scene!"

"(Chorus) Scene of the crime!"

"(Judge) Watch where you walk..."

"(Chorus) It's the scene of the crime!"

"(Judge) Don't smudge the chalk!"

"(Serena,Margot, Pilar) Omigod we rawk!"

"(Chorus) It's the scene of the..."

"(Judge) Hush!"