Legally Blonde (musical)

"(Delta Nus) Aagh!"

"(Pilar) Tell me those are fun-sized. I think he should be shot."

"(Serena) And lemme tell you what. I don't he's that hot. (Margot) I do."

"(Serena) Well, you're a slut."

"(Elle) What you want, Warner, what you want is me, but you need to see me in a brand new domain. Well it's plain, Harvard is the perfect setting you will see you're getting all of this, plus a brain! I'll meet you there at Harvard with a book in my hand. Big sturdy book, big wordy book. Full of words I'll understand and right there is where you'll see it true. Warner what you want is right in front of you!"

"(Elle) Step 1. He's up to Harvard law, so I get in there too. (P.M.S. girls) Step two? (Elle) Make Warner reassess, impress him with my high I.Q. (Girls) Step 3? (Elle) Throw a great big wedding (Elle and girls) And invite all Delta Nu!"

"(Kate) That's great. Nice plan. Now can we think this through?"

"(Kate) Harvard Law School?"

"(Elle) I have a 4.0 average."

"(Kate) Yeah, in fashion merchandising. What makes you think you can do this?"

"(Elle) Love! I'm doing this for love, And love will see me through; Yes, with love on my side I can't lose, And Harvard can't refuse. A love so pure and true. Don't lawyers feel love too?"

"(Kate) Even if they do?"

"(Kate) What you want, sweetheart is no easy thing. If you're gonna swing it, it will wreck your senior spring. You'll need a LSAT score of more then 174. So no more parties for you. You'll need a killer essay or do not even hope. And glowing letters from your betters. Any chance you know the pope? (Elle) ahh, nope. (Kate) Too bad cause that would be a qi, and you've got a lot of work in front of you!"

"(Margot spoken) Hey everybody! It's the Spring Fling Beer Bash Extreme! (Frat guys) Extreme! (Margot) This years theme: Jamaican me Crazy!"

"(Reggae guy) What you want you wanna be out becuz the sun she warm! What you want you wanna study stuck inside your dorm. What you want you wanna party with us all night long what you want you wanna be strong! (Kate) Be strong! (Guys) Wooho!"

"(Reggae) What you want you wanna be groovin bumpin shake da room. Whacha want you wanna be provin somethin and ta whom? Whacha want you wanna be provin that you youth is gone. What you want you wann hold on. (Elle) Hold on! (guys) wooho!"

"(Reggae) What you want you wanna breathin in da healthy air. Whacha want you wanna be chasin him and he don't care. Whacha want you wanna ignore the pity in their looks. What you want you wanna say sorry got hit me books. Whacha want you wanna be sitting like a lonely child. Whacha want you wanna be drvin all da fellow wild whacha want you wanna be feelin good to be alive!"

"(Aaron) Aaron Schultz, I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes. I write finical softwear codes. But that's a challenge I've outgrown. How money yachts can one man own? Some say that I'm a pompous freak. Somehow I don't lose that much sleep. Why bother with false modesty. Harvards the perfect place for me."

"(Enid, Sundeep, Emette) Pretty impressive good to know. (Emette) Welcolm to Harvard, (Sundeep) Wassup? (Enid) yo!"

"(Sundeep) Sundeep Agrwal Padamadan, but you may call me your majesty. In my country, my word was law, but then I flee, because of stupid Coup d'Etat. But here I learn, I make new friends, and soon return in bullet proof Mercedes Benz."

"(Enid) I did the peace cores over sea's inoculating refugees from family clinics that I built myself from mud and trees. I fought to clean up their lagoons and save their rare endagered loons and led a protest march against insensitive cartoons!"

"(Aaron, Sundeep, Emette) Pretty impress- (Enid) But now I'm on the legal track because this countries out of wack and only women have the guts to go and take it back. We'll get the government come clean and get more people voting green and really stick it to the phallocentric war machine!"

"(Callaghan very Vaudville) Our topic is blood in the water, kids, it's time you faced, law school is a waste. Oh yes! Unless you acquire a taste for, Blood in the Water. Dark and red and raw! There's nothing until the thrill of the kill becomes your only law."

"(Callaghan spoken) Mr. Schultz hypothetical question, would you defend the following lawyer accused of fraud? (Sung spoken) A kind old grandma takes her savings and she sent it. Off to you client everything she saved since she was born. He promised to invest it but he spent it. On prostitutes and herion and porn!"

"(Callaghan) This one is a win unless you're lazy. Grandma's broke she's got some hack from legal aid! Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy. Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid!"

"(Callaghan spoken) Ms. Hoops, another hypothetical question, (sung spoken) Say they offer you a bundle for defending. A famous hitman for the mafia elite. Seems he missed his chosen prey killed a nun and drove a way running over three cute puppies in the street."

"(Enid spoken) What? You think I wouldn't defend him just because he is a typical man? (Callghan spoken) Oh you lesbian's think you're so tough!"

"(Callaghan) Oh dear! I fear my comment has offended. Hard to argue though when your emotions make you weak! Your employment will be very quickly ended. Once they see how your emotions make you weak!"

"(Callaghan) So what's my point I run a billion dollar law firm. And I hire four new interns every year! From this class I will select four young sharks whom I respect and those four will have a guaranteed career. Do you follow me?!"

"(Callaghan to Elle) You heard your classmates. You have just been killed. They cut your throat so grab your coat. Yes you had guts but know they're spilled. Your bloods in the water. So would you please be gone. And if you return be ready to learn. Or is that unfair? Oh wait. I don't care. That's just how I roll right here in school. With fear and shock and awe. You're nothing until, the thrill of the kill. Becomes, your, only law! Your only law. Your only law. AWWWWEEE!"

"(Greek chorus) Keep in positive. (Serena) As you slap her to the floor. (Chorus) Keep it positive (Pilar) As you pull her hair and call her whore. (Margot) You can take her in a fight (Serena) You and he will reunite. (P.M.S girls) You know we're right we're positive, we're positive."

"(Elle) Violence is never wise. Not the way to win back guys. Anyway she's twice my size. Who's got a plan B?"

"(Pilar) Uh me! Look at her she's like a nun. Show him you are way more fun. Bust out the lapdance and you've won! You off the hizzle G! (Chorus) Keep it positive (Margot) Yeah let out your inner freak! (Chorus) Keep it positive (Serena) Ms. Prissy pants won't last a week! (Pilar) You whet his appetite. (Margot) You and he will reunite."

"(Elle) Girls I'm positive. That'd we've taken this too far! Yes I'm positive, this is Harvard, not a stripper bar. All this trashy carrying on. That's the reason that he's gone. I need a salon! Yes I'm positive, try not to get upset. Oh I'm positive, that it's time for me to go brunette! Being blonde and being hot. That got me exactly squat. Time to show him I've got more to gain. Oh I'm positive!"

"(Warner) Those parties senior year, I thought we ruled the world! (Elle) You funneled all that beer, I held your head while you hurled."

"(Warner) We were like gods back then, walking among common men. Tell me. Why can't it be that way again?"

"(Elle) You have your future all planned (Warner) Yes I do, yes I do (Elle) What if I'm standing there too!? (Warner) Wait I'm not following you."

"(Elle) I'm here cause I'm serious. (Warner) Yeah right you look real serious."

"(Emmett) What what, you came her to follow a man, Harvard law was just part of that plan. What rich romantic planet are you from? (Elle) Malibu? (Emmett) Instead of lying outside by the pool, you chase some guy to an Ivy league school? That's the weirdest reason I--- (Elle) Well why'd you come?"

"(Emmett) I grew up in the Roxbury slums. With my mom and a series of bums. Guys who showed me all the way a man could fail. I got through law school by busting my ass. Worked two jobs in a addition to class. So excuse me for not weeping at your tale."

"(Emmett) I got a chip on my shoulder. And it's big as a boulder. With the chance I've been given I'm gonna be driven as hell. I'm so close I can taste it. So I'm not gonna waste it. I got a chip on my shoulder maybe you should get one as well."

"(Emmett) Well I don't go to parties a lot, not good use for the time that I've got. Can't spend hours doing my hair or staying in shape. But I know it would all by worth while once I win my first lucrative and buy my mom that great big house out on the cape!"

"(Elle) That's so sweet! (Emmett) No that's the chip on my shoulder. I hugged my mom and told her. With the chance I've been given I'm gonna be driven as hell. Though I can't take the day off. I just think of the payoff. You need a chip on your shoulder. Little Ms. Woods comma Elle."

"(Emmett) You know this vanities real picturesque, but it started its life as a desk. Clear it off and find some room for books instead. Can you live without this can you live without that. I don't know what this is! (Elle) It's for hair! (Emmett) Wear a hat! Spend some time improving what's inside your head. Out! Out! Put it in storage sell it on ebay, leave it behind! Out out! What are you angry? Good! So get angry you might find a chip on your shoulder! (Elle) Ugh! (Emmette) Oh, the room just got colder. With the chance you've been given how are you not driven as hell?"

"(Emmett) Well I predict you will probably pass (Elle) Yes! (Emmett) In the bottom percent of your class. If you're going for mediocre, you've done great. (Elle) That's not fair! (Emmett) Look, they're laughing at me like they're laughing at you. You can't win if you don't follow through. Might I venture your vacation plans can wait?"

"(Emmett) Guess she got a chip on her shoulder. Maybe some wise man told her. With the chance she's been given she should be driven as hell. She was something to see there, I'm just happy I could be there. She got a chip on her shoulder. Guess you never can teeeellllllllllllll. About little Ms. Woods comma Elle!"

"(Brooke) Do you want an easy miracle? Do you want to lose a pound or two? Then turn this video off right now. My workout's not for you! I'm talking to the women who wants it all! Who wants to pay for what she gets. Cause size two clothes don't come for those to lazy to sweat!"

"(All) I want you whipped into shape! When I say jump say, "How high?" You know you're doing it right when you start to cry. If you don't look like you should. You got to whip whip whip it good. I'm sorry ladies no escape. Until you're whipped into shape."

"(Callaghan) Meet our brand new client: Brooke. Laugh if you must but she's made tons, off her DVD's and books, "Whip your Way to Tighter Buns" Happily married so she swears. To her 60 year old stud. Till step daughter came down stairs and found Brooke all covered in his blood. If Brooke took a plea, I'd have her out in 3 to 4. But she swears she did not kill him. (Warner) Did she? (Callaghan) Let's watch some more."

"(Brooke) It's more then just a workout it's a defensive weapon too! Just wrap it around your assailant's neck and pull till he turns blue! You can also use the patented handle grip to shatter you attackers spine. All for three small payments of 19.99!"