"You remember "Cockup Cascade", right? The term I came up with for an unfortunate feature of many stealth action games where the slightest misstep means getting caught in a pile-on of escalating fuck-ups, so you might as well just reload the instant you get spotted? Well, Desperados III is the patron saint of Cockup Cascade; the cocks barely have a chance to come down again. The enemies all have visibility cones spread wider than your mum's legs when she hears a bottle opener, and you can only see one guard's cone at a time; on top of that, a lot of guards who look like they're staring straight ahead are, in fact, glancing back and forth like a nervous gazelle at a tennis match, covering an area the size of a conservatively-proportioned aircraft hangar. So half the time, you'll settle into the nice, long "slitting a throat" animation, and only then be informed that someone offscreen is looking at you from their table at a delightful Parisian-style street café on the surface of Mars. And thus, the cascade begins. Everyone on the map is alerted and rushes your position, more guards spawn in on top of the existing ones; it's like the fucking fight scene at the end of the original Casino Royale. And while you do have a gun, you fire it once and then can't fire it again until you've remembered all the lyrics to "The British Grenadiers", and your special power to pause the game and queue up your next few actions, at this point, provides nothing besides the chance to take a moment and really drink in just how completely fucked you are. So don't kid yourself about making a stand; you're just going to fucking quick-load. It's not so bad in the early game, but before long, levels are absolutely packed with enemies and overlapping patrol routes, and it turns into a sort of ultra-violent puzzle game, where the objective is to figure out the precise sequence of actions to pick off every enemy in ascending order of gregariousness, quick-saving with every inch of progress. An experience like untangling a huge ball of Christmas lights, turning it over and over, picking on loose bits, occasionally pulling on the wrong thing, getting electrocuted and making all the children scream."
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
Imported from EN Wikiquote
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Zero_Punctuation
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
Zero Punctuation
912 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by Zero Punctuation →
Related Quotes
"Things have become a little more abstract and it's hard to tell what's real and what's a metaphor for your decaying s…"
"I say most things are more understandable. It always pissed me off when I unlocked a new skill for a character, and w…"
"“Oh here he comes. Here comes old gloomy trousers to crash the storybook romance between Zelda and all of gaming medi…"
"On the whole don’t take away that I hate the game, for Christ’s sake, but I know what you’re going to say. “Oh who ca…"
"Amnesia: The Bunker is trying an interesting new spin on things because while you are a gormless no-faced bellend and…"
"Fighting games are like six year olds in a playground. They’re full of energy and fun to watch but the moment you try…"
"But then I got to the final, final boss, and I won’t mince words, he chopped my soft ass up like avocado for the summ…"
"Hey, remember when Diablo 3 came out and it was always online even if you only wanted single player and everyone got …"
"Thing is, though, while the story's engaging with this dismal, weighty tone full of horror and blood and guts, and ge…"
"I know by this point you've all trained yourselves to not hear the phrase "subscribe to our patreon" alongside "got a…"