"[At Mikita's, the doughnut shop] And there I am in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at three o' clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&M's to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door and mentions there's a little sweetshop on the edge of town. So, we go, and - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby breaking into this little sweetshop right? Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. Well I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son, that's a different story altogether... I had to beat them to death with their own shoes... Nasty business really... But sure enough, I got the M&M's and Ozzy went on stage and did a GREAT show." [everyone in donut shop claps]"

"[Telling Wayne what people might say if he mentions Jim Morrison on the show] Look, there's Garth, and his friend Wayne...the psychopath."

"I know all seven animal styles: The crane, the stag, the horse, the tiger, the bat, the rat, the monkey, the Beatle [imitates Ringo Starr]. I will take you."

"That's nothing, it's a...birthmark."

"- "Gilly from Philly""

"- Mr. Ellis"

"- young Frank Sinatra impersonator/fake ID salesman"

"- themselves"

"- Mirage desk clerk"

"- "Girl in the Red Ferrari" (non-speaking cameo)"

"- Marty the Blackjack dealer"

"Juliette Brewer - Cousin Ruby Sue"

"- Cousin Vicki"

"- Cousin Catherine"

"- Audrey Griswold"

"- Russell "Rusty" Griswold"

"- Cousin Eddie"

"- Ellen Griswold"

"Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold"

"Roy - What a great audience."

"Jilly - That's it, kid. Now all we have to do is teach you how to dress."

"Honey, these boys ain't much to talk to, but, if you want a night away from your cat... they're more than fine."

"In this world, you’re either up on the stage in the spotlight, or down in the pit serving drinks"

"Lord is my witness, I hate this heat! If it isn't gluing your butt to the truck seat it's making you sweat like a farm animal!"

"I gotta warn ya Clark – they don’t play the same games that they do at them regular casinos"

"Whoa man it is a blazer out there. You're lucky you got air conditioning in here {Casino} - like mother nature intended."

"It's a bust, Las Vegas fun police, hand over your chips. ha ha ha ha"

"Don't worry, he's with me."

"Ahh Uban Coffee you know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything, ice cream, mashed potatoes or just eat it straight out of the can for a quick pick me up."

"Oh, yeah. That's from when I sold my kidney. I figured with all the advancements in modern science, I'd better sell it while someone still wanted to buy it. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark."