"Oh, yeah! The Stif-meister's coming back to Grand Harbor! Deck the halls, bye-bye Great Falls, wipe my ass and lick my balls! It's Stifler time, baby! Whoo-hoo-hoo!"

"Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty"

"Shannon Elizabeth - Nadia"

"Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein"

"It's time for a second helping."

"Time for your next piece of pie!"

"Times Change. People Change. But Friends & Family Are Forever."

"Get Ready For Another Slice of Pie!"

"This Summer It's All About Sticking Together."

"Danielle: [Jim has Amber's dildo while under the bed] Johnny West is missing."

"Trucker: Squeeze his ass son, you'll like it!"

"Finch: [talking to a picture of Stifler's Mom] How did you do that magic you did?"

"Kevin: My brother said by the end of the summer I'll get the big picture, and I see it. No matter what, times change, things are different. But the problem is, I don't want them to be."

"Hey. Keep it real, homies."

"[to parents of girl they caught in bed with Jim] Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady, I... didn't get your daughter's name, but I hope my son did."

"My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis. [Stands up to the women], but that doesn't mean anything to you, does it? Because you don't have a penis, or maybe you do."

"This one time--um, here."

"Jim?! holy potatoes!"

"But we never even had friendly hello sex."

"My name is Petey, and I have gigantic balls!"

"This is my first time, uh, si-since my first time."

"That's a lot of flutes."

"I kind of super-glued myself to, uh, myself."

"Whack away, Jim. Whack away."

"Eat shit, 'Shit break'."

"Finch, fist yourself!"

"[after Finch describes watering a ficus as a "pure tantric moment"] Finch, stay the fuck away from that ficus. That is a jizz-free ficus."

"Oh God, I kissed Jim."

"Where are the fucking females?"

"[answers the phone after awkward situation with Jim and Finch] Stif-meister's palace of love--uh, straight love."

"Ladies, I am down with the funky shit."

"[When walking past a girl in a short skirt before a lecture] Ooh! There's little hearts on her panties! There's little hearts on her panties!"

"Tantric, what the fuck is Tantric?"