"A little, lingering doubt perhaps, Blane? You know, you gotta give her credit though. I mean, after you dumped her, she certainly went out and found herself what I'd have to say is probably the most interesting date that our generation..."

"[to Duckie] You got a problem, friend?"

"Andie, you're a bitch."

"Well, listen, any girl who did that to me, I would not be too jazzed to hold onto, Blane. It's not worth it, man. I told you it isn't gonna work, you know. This girl was, is, and will always be nada."

"Look, I don't want to take you home. I mean, I'd like to be with you. If not here, somewhere else. Anywhere you want. I'm sorry. What can I say? I made a mistake. I overestimated my friends. I'm sorry. What, do you wanna hit me?"

"You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. I believed in you, I always believed in you. I just didn't believe in me. I love you... [kisses Andie on the cheek] Always. [starts to leave]"

"You buy everything, Steff. You couldn't buy her, though, that's what's killing you, isn't it? That's it, Steff. She thinks you're shit. And deep down, you know she's right."

"Good morning! Welcome to another day of higher education!"

"I just want them to know that they didn't break me."

"This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing, it's really marvelous!"

"I'm off like a dirty shirt."

"We don't have none of this stuff in the boy's room! Wait a minute! We don't got none of this... we don't got doors on the stalls in the boy's room, we don't have, what is this? What's this? We don't have a candy machine in the boy's room!"

"This is an incredibly romantic moment, and you're ruining it for me!"

"It's the end of the month, they're out of toilet seat covers!"

"It's called a sense of humor - you should get one - they're nice."

"Well, that's very nice. I'm glad. Well here's... here's the point, Andie. I'm not particularly concerned with whether or not you like me, because I live to like you and... and I can't like you anymore. So... so when you're feeling real low and... and dirty, don't look to me to pump you back up 'cause... 'cause... 'cause maybe for the first time in your life I won't be there!"

"You know, it's so insane that someone you've never met, never talked to can be your enemy."

"Drinking and driving don't mix, that's why I ride a bike."

"Blane? His name is Blane?! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!"

"God, Andie, I would have died for you!"

"May I admire you again today?"

"Duckie, please!"

"Marcie Dahlgren-Frost: Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. Dahlgren is my maiden name, Frost is my married name. I'm single again, but I never bothered to remove the frost. And I get compliments on the hyphen."

"[On the way to his brother's] Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh... Larry and... uh... Larry and, uh... Uh... Betsy. Betsy, uh... Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Nice kids."

"[Imitating a radio DJ while making breakfast] It’s 7:02 in the a.m., you’re listening to “W-I-don’t-have-to-go-to-work-today” brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. For the best in tires see Chanice! Kobolowski."

"[serving gigantic pancakes to Miles for his birthday] You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!"

"[struggling to open the washing machine] Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not!"

"[to Maizy's principal] I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam."

"[They're eating Chinese take-out] This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How DO you find the time?"

"[to her mother] If my whole family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too."

"Hey, Mom. Next time you take off in the middle of the night, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house?"

"E. Roger Cogswell: [to Buck] You gotta let somebody know where you are. I've been checking car trunks for your corpse."

"John Candy - Buck Russell"

"Jean Louisa Kelly - Tia Russell"

"Gaby Hoffmann - Maizy Russell"

"Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell"

"Amy Madigan - Chanice Kobolowski"

"Elaine Bromka - Cindy Russell"

"Garrett M. Brown - Bob Russell"

"Laurie Metcalf - Marcie Dahlgren-Frost"

"Jay Underwood - Bug"

"You can mess with a lot of things. But you can't mess with kids on Christmas."

"Donald Trump - Himself"