"[Trying to get Kenny to give up his security blanket] I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious."

"Kenny, don't paint your sister!"

"Tom Leopold - Stan"

"Your Mom calls the vacuum cleaner "jaws"?"

"Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club."

"Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't."

"Doris (TV Repairwoman): Are you crazy? You fed a baby chili!"

"So...what would you little maniacs like to do first?"

"Robert Rusler - Max"

"Ilan Mitchell-Smith - Wyatt Donnelly"

"Bill Paxton - Chet Donnelly"

"Suzanne Snyder - Deb"

"Kelly LeBrock - Lisa"

"...it's purely sexual."

"If you can't get a date, make one!"

"Judie Aronson - Hilly"

"Anthony Michael Hall - Gary Wallace"

"It's all in the name of science. Weird Science."

"Something weird is happening at Wyatt and Gary's."

"They went from zeroes to heroes in one fantastic weekend."

"You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue."

"Robert Downey Jr. - Ian"

"You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals."

"I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin' up some shit!"

"Gary and Wyatt have created the perfect woman. And she'll do anything they say all in the name of science."

"If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmm, it's a mindscramble. Hurts so good."

"[to Wyatt's grandparents after they arrive unannounced] You ought to know better than to walk into somebody's house and start hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!"

"Michael Berryman - Mutant Biker"

"Vernon Wells - Lord General"

"How 'bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?"

"Andrew McCarthy - Blane McDonnagh"

"James Spader - Steff McKee"

"You know, it's so insane that someone you've never met, never talked to can be your enemy."

"I just want them to know that they didn't break me."

"Jon Cryer - Philip F. "Duckie" Dale"

"Annie Potts - Iona"

"If somebody doesn't believe in me, I can't believe in them."

"Duckie, please!"

"Harry Dean Stanton - Jack Walsh"