""Obvious...And everybody knows. You wear your shame like a badge, because you don't have the balls to actually pin one on.... Yes... Just look at you... Desperate to be feared, you want to be perceived as a monster, draped in black... And yet... You leave that little window... A glimpse at the perfection underneath. OBVIOUS; The chiseled jaw, the mouth of a monster... Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why...... - Joker"

""A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look" - Joker"

"Aren't I just good enough to eat?"

""I am the Champion of the WORLD!"- Elseworlds: Batman/Lobo"

""Devil is double is deuce, my dear doctor ... and joker trumps deuce." Batman #681"

""Laugh, clown, laugh...and laugh again! The police are completely at bay! Batman is baying at the moon! No one can beat the Joker! Soon, now...soon they'll see it my way! They'll know I mean what I say! Today, the American fish... and tomorrow all the fish in the world! But...what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadn't thought of that! What if they all conspire against me...leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no...that would never work! The VEGETARIANS wouldn't go along! And anyway...I could use my chemicals on cattle! JOKER-BURGERS! OUTRAGEOUS! - Detective Comics #476"

""You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?" - Batman #681"

"[as Clayface-Joker] "Oh, come on! There's always something to learn. Let's start with 'Getting Your Ass Kicked 101.'""

""I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled, kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Batman #655"

""If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!" - Dreadful Birthday Dear Joker"

""Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?" - Batman #663"

"(To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it." - Emperor Joker"

"(As Nightwing pummels him) "Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?" - Joker: Last Laugh #6"

""Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too." - Emperor Joker"

""You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?" - Batman #663"

""Yum Yum. Dim Sum. Chinese food made from real Chinese." - Emperor Joker"

""Live...and in person! The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks, the One and Only JOKER! Prerecorded for this time zone." - The Sign of the Joker"

""What's wrong with the World? After all the AGGRAVATION I went through just STEALING this crop-duster...you'd think they'd give me one that would FLY right." - Batman: The Long Halloween"

"Drive-In Waitress: Take your order, please? Joker: Yes, indeedy. Thank you. (Talking incredibly fast) I'd like the Big Beefer, Heavy Mustard, double pickles, three strips of bacon, make 'em crispy, ranch dressing on the side... Waitress: Ah, sir... Joker: Side order of fries, also crispy, one of those fake pie thingees with the boiling hot juice that scalds the roof of your mouth...I LOVE that... Waitress: Sir... Joker:Two of your special Egg Nog Shakes, a boy's kiddie meal, and I'll pay extra for a full assortment of the toys that come with it. Waitress: Sir! You were talking way too fast. You'll have to repeat all that! Joker: Of all the incompetence! Listen, you brain-dead Cephalapod! I have better things to do than repeat myself in the fleeting hope that through some MIRACLE you might somehow triumph over your own crushing ignorance and get ONE ITEM of my order right! I DEMAND to see your manager! Manager: I'm sorry, sir. How may I help you? Joker:(shoots the manager) I really wanted those shakes."

""Hello Late-Show lovers...and lovers of the Late-Show!" - The Laughing Fish"

"" The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!" - Batman #681"

""You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!" - Batman: Dark Victory"

"(to Batman) "Quick question: When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?" - Batman: The Long Halloween"

""Every clown loves kids, captain. Just ask Sarah Essen-Gordon. Oh, that's right, you can't!" - Gotham Central #15"

""One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall." - Batman: The Man Who Laughs"

""In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out." - Shadow of the Bat #37"

""It's a clear choice -- me or Pettit. Vote or die. Cancer or tuberculosis." - Detective Comics #737"

"(to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle." - Superman/Batman: World's Finest"

""I won't even waste the usual Joker Venom on you, Brute, but give you something you can understand...lead! - Batman #1"

""Very neat! That ugly head of yours does have a brain!" - Batman #1"

""If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!" - Batman: Dark Detective"

""I'm not mad at all. I'm just differently sane." - Batman and Robin #13"

"Now you wanna talk? Too late."

""If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!" - Batman #1"

""They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it." - Batman: The Dark Knight Returns"

"(to Judge Drake) "You can't win anyway... You see, I hold the winning card!" - Batman #1"

"(to Batman) "Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?""

""You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that's just Wikipedia. You actually believed all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days of drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?" - Batman #681"

"Why am I smiling? Well, at twenty-seven it's fun to be told I can't see certain movies unless accompanied by an adult."

"episode 26. Take a Lesson teleplay by Ruth Brooks Flippen"

"episode 27. Independence, Gidget Style teleplay by Joanna Lee"

"episode 28. One More For the Road teleplay by Irma and Austin Kalish"

"episode 25. Love and the Single Gidget teleplay by John Mc Greevey and Stephen Kandel, story by Lee Karson"

"episode 22. We Got Each Other teleplay by John Mc Greevey"

"episode 23. Operation Shaggy Dog teleplay by Dorothy Cooper Foote"

"episode 29. Ask Helpful Hanna teleplay byIrma Kaish, story by Janet Carson"

"episode 24. Ring-a-Ding-Dingbat teleplay by Barbara Avedon"

"episode 18. Like Voodoo teleplay by Albert Mannheimer"

"episode 19. Gidget's Career teleplay by Joanna Lee"

"episode 20. Ego-A-Go-Go teleplay by Barbara Avedon"