"This is the Johnny shirt that all your ugly friends are wearing. You are much better looking, so get it and make them see how hideous they are. It's not really edible, you could eat it if you really tried."

"Have you seen this boy? He is very ugly."

"Acheron Cosmetic Surgery - because you're ugly :)"

"Suck it like you loves it, baby!!"

"You are so small."

"Please stop breathing."

"The most beloved massive head wound recipient in existence."

"This is my back"

"Kiss me!! I'm insane!!"

"Keep off! It's impolite to walk on the dead."

"Smile! You fucker!"

"Utilizes dazzling, stark, black and white technology given to us by the benevolent space creatures."

"Drink blood. Go to hell. Parents concerned about vampirism."

"Break glass in case of overwhelming despair."

"# Have you ever been murdered?"

"# Pain. Good?"

"# Do you kill people?"

"# Murder. What's with that?"

"Smile!! Though your life is miserable"

"Much more will happen, but I am sneaky piggy, so I no tell."

"I can tell the book's getting more successful because of the dramatic increase in the "YOU FUCKER! I WROTE TO YOU AND YOU NEVER WROTE BACK YOU SUCK YOUR RESPONSE WAS SO SHORT IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO DEVOTE SHITLOADS OF PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE TO MEEEEE AND ONLY MEEEEE" kind of letters. People, I do enjoy the letters, but REALLY, to most readers I am a book in their hands, not a friend and not an enemy. Not even a person. What matters is the book, not my personal responses to some lunatic's queries. Overall, however, the mail (paper and electronic) has been quite lovely, making me smile like the little girl I wish I was."

"It's a book you can enjoy with the entire family, so long as they're numb to the grotesque."

"Keep Smiling until you stop"

"Until the future happens, goodnight."

"Check out Happy Jack's Happy Noodle boy Page - I won't give you the URL because life is never easy - do a web search."

"For those dense fucks who grow weary at the absence of sophomoric violence, here is a little boy being attacked by his cuddly gerbil."

"Gas station attendant: GLAARGH! BLOOOGH! (morphs into demon) Yess! I am the DEVIL!! DAMN you and your mighty word probe!"

"Jhonen: Ohhh, come on. You're the Devil."

"Gas station attendant: Nooo, I'm not the Devil. Go away."

"Jhonen: Heyyyy...wait a minute. You're the Devil, aren't you?""

"Sir? There seems to be a problem with this ice-sucky machine. Please make my pain end."

"Don't sue me. I'm funny."

"Angry nun is always comedy."

"Kids, don't be stupid and try this. This is a trained flying toddler."

"Ah, swearing - Beloved crutch of the intellectually deviant."

"Kids, drugs won't help things. They'll only turn you into a hideous little freak troll-baby with exploding eyeballs."

"He is thinking of how pathetic this is. [next panel] I don't know what he's thinking here. He is very mysterious."

"Stupid people: I would ask you to keep in mind that this should NOT be a source of moral guidance (THAT WOULD BE MOVIES). Put away the knives and never allow yourselves to forget: YOU ARE STUPID."

"Fun Fact: it's not a moose."

"Parents, don't get upset-It's a fake brain. A gelatin mixture was poured into a brain shaped mold. We then filled it with the blood of a homeless man. No one will miss him."

"To achieve THIS shot, we first made a plaster mold of the actor's head. We then filled it with cow parts. Then, for realism, we surprised the actor by blowing a hole through his head."

"A lovely day in the city park. Sun shining, the birds singing! They're laughing at me mom!!"

"NOOOOOO!!! I’ve lost the respect of this impolite special ed student!! I have no valid reason to live!! (Thank you, Lord, for sarcasm.)"