"If there's one thing I know, is when someone is lying. A man in my position, that's all he has to go on. To know a lie when he hears it: the difference between life and death... your own... someone else's. That being said, he wasn't lying."

"Thanks for the sugar, sugar."

"I'm short for my height."

"I was thinking that if you're still alive when I get back from work tonight... maybe we could go out to dinner or something?"

"Because it seems to me that your son is worth more to you alive than he is to the Boss dead. And more money is worth more to me than less money."

"Sorry about that, son. But sometimes there's more to life than just livin'. Besides, you can't have a Kansas City Shuffle without a body."

"Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third. Now that's a story. This... is something else."

"You can only kill me once."

"[To the Rabbi and the Boss] The two of you killed everything I ever loved. (Pause) Fuck you both."

"I'm gonna say what any man with two penises would say, when his tailor asks him if he dresses right or left... Yes."

"My father used to say: "The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle.""

"Since we're not friends and you hate baseball, then why the fuck are you here?"

"The unlucky are nothing more than a frame of reference for the lucky, Mister Fisher. You are unlucky, so I may know that I am not. Unfortunately the lucky never realize they are lucky until it's too late. Take yourself for instance; yesterday you were better off than you are today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived, and it's too late... You see? People are never happy with what they have. They want what they had. Or what others have...I'm a bad man who doesn't waste time wondering what could've been when I am what could've been and what could not have been. I live on both sides of the fence, and the grass is always green."

"I bet it was that mouth that got you that nose."

"Look at me. Look at my smile. Your son is dead."

"Richard Foronjy - Tony"

"Joe Pantoliano - Eddie Moscone"

"Dennis Farina - Jimmy Serrano"

"John Ashton - Marvin Dorfler"

"Yaphet Kotto - Special Agent Alonzo Mosely"

"Charles Grodin - Jonathan "The Duke" Mardukas"

"Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh"

"Charles Grodin embezzled 15 million dollars. The mob wants him dead. The F.B.I. wants him alive. Robert De Niro just wants him to shut up."

"Monday... Escape with their lives from New York... Tuesday... Impersonate F.B.I. agents in Chicago... Wednesday... Steal plane in New Mexico... Thursday... Almost kill each other by accident... Friday... Almost kill each other on purpose..."

"Taking The Midnight Run Is A Hell Of A Way To Make A Living"

"This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."