Black Comedy Films

"Bel Powley as Kelsey"

"Obama ain't right. You got Obama wrong. Ain't nothing worse than that."

"You don't get to act all crazy your entire life because Dad died."

"Angus Costello as Kid Who Vomits"

"Your dad was a hero, and heroes are necessary, and they should be allowed to have families."

"I haven't been high in a while but I still do it, I like that lifestyle."

"Ricky Velez as Oscar"

"If you have money, why would you ever live in Staten Island?"

"I just thought she looked really good in those pants. Thought that was a nice thing to say, I didn't know I'd get MeToo'd for it."

"You're going to make me babysit your kids?! I'm on drugs."

"We're like the only place that New Jersey looks down on."

"Oh I trained her in the car. She's not going to break."

"When we go out in public, people look at me like I'm kidnapped."

"I regret my friendship with you guys."

"Thanks for the sex. It was wonderful until you started talking."

"You look a little like Antonio Banderas, if I squint my eyes a bit."

"Benjamin Brown as Aaron"

"Nicole Dalton as Jessica"

"Lee Weaver as Barney"

"Joanna Kelly as Jill"

"Lisa Brenner as Juliet"

"David Ellison as Romeo"

"Liza Weil as Norma"

"Don McManus as Dennis Rivers"

"Maree Cheatham as Elderly Woman"

"Zach Galifianakis as Bucky"

"Martin Spanjers as Seth"

"Paul Adelstein as Philly"

"Matthew Modine as Mr. Jack"

"Callum Blue as Sweet Stephen Miller"

"Gee, if you're not Stephanie Sinclair, and I'm not Stephanie Sinclair, and this is Stephanie Sinclair's apartment, then what the fuck are we all doing here?"

"Adam Baldwin as Tommy the Cop"

"Looks like rain!"

"[Repeated line] Wow, life in the big city! Ain't nothing like it!"

"[Repeated line] Has anyone seen my cats?"

"[Repeated line] Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday."

"Word of advice: don't crib your jokes from the trolls of Free City."

"Mom! Do not touch that sock! I swear to God if you touch that sock you will be in therapy for the rest of your life! No! It's my special sock! Put it down!"

"Here's to Lazarbeam He's true blue he's a piss pot through and through"

"I was trying to steal a video clip, now we're trying not to die."

"Hey everyone, Dan here, from the diamond minecart and today, I will be having a poo!"

"[Repeated line whenever the bank is being robbed] Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon."

"Code: It's not just zeros and ones, it's hidden messages. I like to think of myself actually as not a code writer, but an author. I just use zeros and ones instead of words."

"Naheem Garcia as Convenience Store Owner Joe"

"Everybody down on the ground !"

"Mark Lainer as Hostage"

"Mike Devine as Officer Johnny"

"Camille Kostek as Bombshell"

"Tina Fey as Vacuuming Mom (voice)"

"He hits hard. And yet his hands are so soft."