"I've lived a life of danger. I've used my body to find my soul, broken, beaten, as I get old. Now buckle up and enjoy the ride, it's almost time for me to fly."

"[He is strapped down in a chair] I'm trapped! [Johnny pours honey all over his head] And you're putting honey on me! [Johnny then pours chunks of salmon on the chair near his crotch] And salmon? [The door opens and a bear roars as it comes in] Oh, my God! WHAT THE FUCK... IS GOING ON...?!"

"A lot of people ask: "What will Jackass be like once we're older". Well, it'll get more mature."

"That was a violent brawl. One sided to be sure."

"If you think we're wearing underwear under these tunics... you're sadly mistaken, my friend."

"No, fuck you. I'll start a new life in here."

"So if we get bit we die? Are you serious?"

"It ain't a bunch of NASA scientists over here, you know what I mean? This ain't a MENSA convention."

"I just said why can't I wear my cool hat and now I know why."

"Is there an "antidope" here? Is that what it's called? Antivenom, not "antidope". What does "antidope" mean? I don't even know. What's "antidope"?"

"It's semen alright."

"[After getting hit in the head by a speeding soccer ball] Yeah, that rang my bell. [Points to trailer behind him] I took a huge shit in there too."

"Chris Pontius as Self"

"It felt like I got a 200 pound colonic up my ass."

"What did you guys do to Eric?"

"I went up high as a moose's caboose."

"That bull didn't like fucking magic!"

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!"

"We have winners and we have Steve-O."

"[To Steve-O] You still got those million dollar teeth that's for sure. [Steve-O then removes his dentures to reveal a missing tooth]"

"Hello, I am Johnny the Magnificent. Today I'm going to wow you with my supreme skills of prestidigitation."

"Almost twenty years ago today, we filmed the original cup test... and now twenty years later we're still doing the same stupid shit."

"Concussions aren't great, but as long as you have them before you're 50, it's cool, and Knoxville is 49, so we're good."

"I'm Poopies... big-time movie star. And today, we're big wave surfing."

"You might be younger, taller, better looking, richer, more talented... but motherfucker I can ride!"

"Dave England as Self"

"So here we are back at the bullring. Even at the time when I wanted to die, I wouldn't get in the bullring, you know. When life was it's least valuable I would have no part in this bullshit. And it's my least favorite thing. The movie's going so well, why the fuck are we doing this?"

"These guys are old, we paid our dues, so we're handing the torch to you."

"And if you're wondering if the curtains match the drapes, let me tell you, I tore those drapes out a long time ago."

"Preston should've pooped before he came to work today. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail."

"Jeff Tremaine as Self"

"Compston "Dark Shark" Wilson as Self"

"It's been a while since I ate the horse semen, but I think I prefer the pig. Bacon's better than horse meat right?"

"Milk milk lemonade. Around the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger up that hole. Now you've got a Tootsie Roll!"

"Dimitry Elyashkevich as Self"

"Eric Manaka as Self"

"Rachel Wolfson as Self"

"When the beast awakens, the monster arises."

"Rob Dyrdek as Self"

"Sean "Poopies" McInerney as Self"

"Zach Holmes as Self"

"Ehren "Danger Ehren" McGhehey as Self"

"Jason "Wee Man" Acuña as Self"

"Preston Lacy as Self"

"This is so fucked up! I knew this was gonna fucking happen! Why the fuck did we go down to the basement?"

"I'm kinda embarrassed right now. Like, I came out of his penis. Hood card taken away."

"Davon "Jasper" Wilson as Self"

"[on the wailing infant] I must go punch that baby."

"I have adventured it and found nothing but sugar and violence. It is most charming."

"[to Duncan, about sex] Why do people not just do this all the time?"