Team Fortress 2

"[in a competitive (normally 6v6) match] I like my teams like I like my romances: in groups of six."

"[during a stalemate] I have a tie. I'm wearing it, it's silk, and it costs $9000. I do not need another one!"

"And when the Spy saw the breadth of his achievement, he wept, for there were no more backs to stab."

"[boxing bell rings] Hey! Just a— taking a boxing class here. Uhh! Listen, a contract...uhh!...a contract came in and...UHH!...Uh, arms in, arms in...and I thought of you— uhh!! That's mine! That's my molar! Did, did anyone see where that went?"

"Hey, Pauling. I'm on a Teufort sightseeing tour. We just went to the library and took pictures of both the books. And then they took us to a tramp fight. And I guess now we're going to look at a sewage fire. It hasn't gone out in like fifty years or something. So we're really proud of it."

"[drunkenly] Say, it's, it's Pauling. I'm… I'm at a beer garden with Demo, so there's lots of beer and...uh..beer."

"Pauling here. I'm at a campfire with Soldier, Salty Pete, Pepper Pot Pete, and Perry Pepper Pants, and Peter Poopy-Toots. [whispering] And they're all cardboard. I think he's crazy. [normal voice] Oh, what's that Soldier? Tree bark rations? Sounds… American! [whispering] Do this contract and then get this man some help."

"Medic's showing me how to sew a heart inside of another heart and pump them full of radiation. It's sorta like making a turducken, but with people!"

"Hey it's Pauling here. I'm on a vision quest with Sniper. I just ate some ground-up mushrooms and grubs. Sniper said that it's supposed to make me ghost noise picnic dripping, but I don't boot soup what he's mustaching about. I don't even dynamite a little pyramid gravy. Anyway, here's a condor."

"If you're alive, can you say something? Jump around, so I know you're okay! Unless you've broken your legs, in which case, don't jump around- that'll just make it worse!"

"First rule of hacking: look for the green wire! Oh...what color would you say that is? It's more of a sort of aqua-marine [sic], isn't it?"

"[pages turning] Hmm. [pages turning] Oh! Oh, sorry. Sorry! Hope that didn't disturb you too much, then. That was--did you hear that noise? Yeah, that was just the sound of...some books. Pages being turned. By me. 'Cause I was reading...the books. [chuckles] You know what it's like, you know? When you get the urge. And--and ability. To read. Suddenly takes you, you're like I've gotta read some books! So that was what I was doing, just reading the old, uh--some of the old bloody classics. Of literature. By uh...Dickens. And uh...um...others. So uh, so I'm not a moron."

"[obnoxious squeaking] Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry! I hope I didn't disturb you too much, then. Um, I was just polishing… my… book museum. When it occurred to me that I've read all of the books. Tragic! Speaking as, uh, someone who can literally read. Not bragging, not trying to show off; but uh, but I can read. And uh, yeah! I've just been working my way through all of the classics, really: Pride and Punishment, Brothers Masagiganovnov, Franken's...Dickinson. Um, read all of 'em. So I'm not a moron."

"[playing Bach’s (little) prelude in C minor, BWV 934] Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry! I hope I didn't disturb you too much, then. Um, I'm listening to some uh, classical music. This one is by, um--what's his name? Wolfgang...uh, Wolfgang Beethoven. Who--my personal favorite, if I'm honest. Um, I just love all the--I just love all the bloody melodies! That he comes up with. Hummable, they are. That's--to me, that is the mark of great music, if you can hum along. And I can, to this one, on all of them. So I'm not a moron."

"Spy: Ahh, a 1962 Chateau Matador!"

"Pauling: [whispering] Hey, hey I'm at a wine tasting with Spy...it all tastes like raisins and gasoline. Uh, quick! give me some fancy-pants words to say to him."

"Spy: À votre santé!"

"Pauling:[normal voice] Spy, your wine is...great! It's really, uh, pre-precocious! Uh...volup-voluptuous? And uh, uh, big, big-boned!"

"Spy: Ugh..."

"Pauling: Yeah, it's got a very big-boned wine taste."