DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

"And our newest member, meet Fran Stalinoskovitchdadavidovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her team, the Nuclear Power Plants, won the championship, 5 years running. Which makes her the deadliest woman on Earth with a dodgeball."

"I ain't crazy, and I ain't a guy! I'm Patches O'Houlihan, and I'm your new coach."

"[When questioned on learning how to dodge balls] That's what this sack of wrenches is for. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball! [Throws wrench at Justin, hitting him square in the face] Any other questions?"

"If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!"

"Just remember the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and... Dodge."

"Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop!"

"Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No! But I do it anyway, cause it's sterile and I like the taste."

"Oh my sweet dick, it's magic!"

"Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."

"If you want dodgeball victory you gotta grab it by its haunches and hump it into submission, that's the only way!"

"Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here."

"Aim low, and will someone catch a god-damn ball?! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!"

"[Deep breath in] I love the smell of queef in the morning!"

"I've got some hookers in my room... wanna go celebrate? My treat!"

"Suit yourself, queer! [when Peter declines the above offer]"

"You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"

"Come on! I've seen better runs in my shorts!"

"They're too good to be true and you suck something awful."

"Where's your killer instinct, son? You have got to get angry, you have got to get MEAN! That's the only way you can play! (hits Gordon in the balls) You angry now?"

"Go you crazy son of a bitch!"

"[Advising Peter through the blindfold against White in a sudden death match] Just remember your training and trust your instincts. You can do it. Bye-bye."

"They must masturbate a lot, Cotton."

"I feel like I'm watching a Cher video, Cotton."

"Pepper needs new shorts!"

"I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton."

"That'll buy you one heck of a blumpkin, Cotton!"

"I don't know how they can play in diapers, Cotton. I never could."

"I feel shocked!"

"Hold your phone, she's got a cannon!"

"[Peter puts on blindfold] He won't be able to see very well through that Cotton."

"Ouchtown, population: you, bro!"

"Effin-a, Cotton. Effin-a."

"Great shot by the submissive!"

"Eff your mama, Cotton!"

"We're gonna get our taints handed to us!"

"They got guys named Laser, Blazer, Taser and all other kinds of 'asers'!"

"That guy's a dickhead."

"We could sell blood and semen."

"He'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body. [Of the others looks] I'm just sayin'.. it happens.... my cousin Ray-Ray. Boop, dead."

"[deleted scene and confronting his faithless mail-order wife] I want a divorce!"

"[alarmed by the redneck owner of the truck.] Um Guys, guys. Not to be a naysayer or anything, but the only customer we've had is that weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck."

"Gar, this sucks!"

"Steve's gotta go drain the sea monster."

"I'm gonna send you to hell!"

"An' I'll be splitting my buried treasure with ya... when I find it, that be.."

"Arr, Steve the Pirate be in no man's debt! I'll make a barter with you, true as the north star!"

"Grab life by the balls."

"Go Balls Deep! (Banner on display in arena.)"