The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

"I hear what you're saying, but I think you misjudge the guy."

"Land ho! Port-au-Patois dead ahead! Port-au-Patois! Port-au-Patois! Ho! Ho! Ho! Land ho! Ho!"

"Psst! There's something in the coat check."

"Not if I don't see you first, sonny..."

"I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!"

"I ought to have stayed in Kentucky where I belong."

"I still wish I could breathe underwater."

"If you ever touch me again I will kick your goddamn teeth out."

"I'm gonna fight you, Steve!"

"Captain, I am required by law to notify the bank of any illegal activities..."

"Bill Ubell here. I'm on a pay phone. I am still blindfolded. My arms are bound. But a young boy has been kind enough to assist me. There's not much chance I'll get another opportunity to call... so I thought I would ask if— What? No."

"We fuckin' stole it, man"

"I'm also a human being."

"I need to find a baby for this father."

"Actually, I was sort of terrified about having this baby. And right now I'm not really scared of anything. Maybe it's my hormones."

"Bloody hell. God save that poor little stooge."

"Oh, we were like glory's gate, my darling. We were like that bloody shark of yours. We swam with the, um, uh — Oh, goddamn it. I had it on the plane. What was I gonna say? Ah, well."

"Tell me. Who knocked up the reporter?"

"Bill Murray - Steve Zissou"

"Owen Wilson - Ned Plimpton"

"Cate Blanchett - Jane Winslett-Richardson"

"Anjelica Huston - Eleanor Zissou"

"Willem Dafoe - Klaus Daimler"

"Jeff Goldblum - Alistair Hennessey"

"Michael Gambon - Oseary Drakoulias"

"Noah Taylor - Vladimir Wolodarsky"

"Bud Cort - Bill Ubell"

"Seu Jorge - Pelé dos Santos"

"Robyn Cohen - Anne-Marie Sakowitz"

"Waris Ahluwalia - Vikram Ray"

"I'm sorry I never acknowledged your existence all those years. It won't happen again. I mean it. You are my son to me. Almost more so."

"Give me that camera. I'm gonna smash it over your head. Cut!"

"This is the first time Eleanor's ever cried in front of me as long as I've known her. Except for once when she got her arm caught in the deck winch."

"Well, I was a little embarrassed at first. Obviously people are gonna think I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick. But then I realized... that's me. I said those things. I did those things. I can live with that."

"[referring to the shark that ate his friend, Esteban] I wonder if it remembers me."

"We complete the adventure, but another member of our crew has been lost. This one was my son. Also our equity partner. We start the voyage home in our wounded vessel."

"This is an adventure."

"Does this seem fake? [points gun at jane]"

"They made soup out of my research turtles."

"We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay."

"Is that one of mine? I think one of my research turtles survived."

"Where are you coming from, jack off? Shit."

"Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?"

"Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me."

"[while playing poker with pirates] Steven. Are you rescuing me? [Steve shrugs awkwardly] Fold. [Alistair is shot by one of the pirates]"

"I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet, maybe dynamite."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome."

"Nobody knows what's going to happen. And then we film it. That's the whole concept."

"You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?"

"[to Ogata and Pele] What are you doing? Go to bed, you sons of bitches!"