DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

"It's time to put your mouth where our balls are."

"I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I've gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal."

"I'd love to, but I don't think they make a "sorry your dodgeball coach just got crushed by two tons of irony" Hallmark card."

"You had me at blood and semen."

"Hey, White. I didn't think Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?"

"Lance Armstong: So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals? Peter LaFleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame."

"Thank you, Chuck Norris."

"[in a commercial for Average Joe's, now newly renovated and successful] Hi, I'm Peter LaFleur, owner and operator of Average Joe's Gym. And I'm here to tell you, you're perfect just the way you are. But if you feel like losing a few pounds, getting healthier and making some great friends in the process, then Joe's is the place for you. Don't forget, youth dodgeball classes are forming right now. So come on down and learn a great game the way it's supposed to be played. Right, kids?"

"Ball me, Blazer."

"Oh, now he's a philoso-phizer."

"Cram it up your cram hole, LaFleur! Prepare to be humiliated on cable television."

"That's me, six years and six-hundred pounds ago."

"Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it."

"Good luck losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur!"

"I can be naughty too. Really freaky naughty... you a naughty freak?"

"Yeah, that's me taking the bull by the horns, it's how I like to run my business. It's a metaphor. But that actually happened though."

"Let's not find ourselves shackled by the bonds of employer-employee relations. Unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case I got some shackles in the back. Just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em."

"[When asked how he knew where Kate lived] It's called the Freedom of Information Act for a reason. The hippies finally got something right. Just kidding. But not really."

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood! Nobody!"

"My gym has shareholders, yours haven't even got... cupholders!"

"Go on and make your jokes Mr Jokey... Joke-maker!"

"I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude... and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman."

"Here at Globo Gym, we're better than you. And we know it."

"I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver."

"Your "gym" is a skid-mark on the underpants of society."

"Well, isn't that convenient for you... and the clock!"

"Of course you'll still be yourself in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive you than you could ever become without us. And with our competitively priced on-site cosmetic surgery, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning, into a Franken Fine!"

"I don't know if you've ever seen a hundred thousand dollars before, except perhaps in the movies. But I can assure you, something gets lost in the translation. [opens briefcase revealing single stack of bills]"

"Turn it up high Reggie, I wanna burn."

"I know you, you know you, and I know you know that I know you."

"We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!"

"You're going down, La Fleur! You're going down like a sweet muffin!"

"Are you ready for the.. HURRICANE!"

"We're sweating like grease monkeys out here, I can't hold onto a ball!"

"You and your lovable band of losers have already lost!"

"What? You like it it those freaks in loser town? [Kate says They're not freaks, they're people, just like you and me] Ha, ha, people just like you and me? That's what I love about you Kate, you've got a personality!"

"I've got some great news, you're fired! Yeh, I told the bank you were stealing and drinking on the job, and they bought it! Can you believe it?!"

"And they love you. Whoo, do they love you. You're their Fonzie, Pete. Heeeeey. Right?"

"Donde Esta La Biblioteca, Pedro?"

"In 30 days I'll be bulldozing that shit heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness, And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel Race that comprise your membership are inside it when I do."

"Joanie loves Chachi!"

"Oh my God, we never even won a regional qualifying match - oh yeah, now I remember!"

"I get it, you've caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils"

"I get it. Don't crap where you eat."

"[upset about the judges vote to let Average Joe's play] That is pure poppycock!"

"[Deleted Scene as obese and eating junk food] I'm Peter LaFleur, I'm gonna take all the money you bribed me and bet on myself at 50:1 that I'm gonna buy out your company. Brilliant plan, too bad it doesn't make any sense. I'm Peter La Fleur. Peter La Fleur, La Fleur! The flower, that's French for kiss my ass! [Smells smoke comes from the toaster and gets up] Oh man, the Pizza Bagels are burning again. God dam, piece of crap toaster!"

"[Furious upon realizing that Globo Gym now belongs to Average Joe's and that Peter is his boss] You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself."

"[obese and drowning his sorrows in junk food and turning off the television advertising the now successful Average Joe's Gym] Spare Me, I won that tournament! Fuckin' Chuck Norris!"

"Yeah, hope you're all happy now. Good guy wins, bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise! I love happy endings. You know, that's the problem with the American cinema, can't handle any complexity in it, you know? "Don't let me think, I just wanna be entertained!" All right, fine. You want a little somethin' somethin' for the ride home? Check these boots out for size. [turns on radio, Kelis's Milkshake plays]"

"There, happy. Fatty make a funny!"