"Hey, don't talk to me that way, assface. I don't work for you yet."

"[server says, "muchas gracias" and Fletch responds] Tierra Del Fuego."

"[after paying his ex-wife's attorney, Fletch walks him to the door] Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice…"

"If you haven't guessed, there's been a lot of drug traffic on the beach lately. And I'm not talking about Robitussin …"

"You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards."

"...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just wh…"

"For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner."

"[to Gail Stanwyck, who answers the door wearing a towel] Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."

"I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Gawdawful mess. You should see my s…"

"In the court ruling US vs. Fishbine, a man subjected to potential incineration while wearing another man's suit is en…"