"I saw a bloke the other day talking to himself. So I tried to listen but I couldn't hear him. But the weird part is w…"

"I'll never forget the day my mum said "Carl when I was your age I used to go to the movies with a bottle of water and…"

"Have you ever done those Coca-Cola burps that come out of your nose and eyeballs? You think a burp looks bad! Someone…"

"You know those people who let their yawn out and they keep talkin'. "Yeah Tuesday would be pretty good (continues tal…"

"Sometimes you're talkin' and a little bit of spit flies out. You see it floating in the sky and land on 'em. You both…"

"I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight a…"

"Do you do those secret farts at the supermarket. Quickly piss off to another aisle."

"My friends like to tell me before they fart like it's important. They get really excited, like I wanna know about it.…"

"My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts."

"I forgot to mention that where the guest of honour is a man, he should take the hostess's arm when entering the dinin…"