"I've—we've got a special on Cutwell's Shield of Passion ointment," said the face, and winked in a startling fashion. "Provides your wild oats while guaranteeing a crop failure, if you know what I mean."

""You're dead," he said."

"(That was a cinematic trick adapted for print. Death wasn't talking to the princess. He was actually in his study, talking to Mort. But it was quite effective, wasn't it? It's probably called a fast dissolve, or a crosscut/zoom. Or something. An industry where the senior technician is called a Best Boy might call it anything.)"

"The thing between Death's triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn't a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls."

"The world's greatest lovers were undoubtedly Mellius and Gretelina, whose pure, passionate and soul-searing affair would have scorched the pages of History if they had not, because of some unexplained quirk of fate, been born two hundred years apart on different continents. However, the gods took pity on them, and turned her into an ironing board, and him into a small brass bollard."

"When you're a god, you don't have to have reasons."

"History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It's been around a long time."

""What do people like to drink here, then?" The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that they were directly in front of him."

"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people used when they said to St George, "You killed a what?"

"Go away, Mort thought. His subconscious was worrying him. It appeared to have a direct line to parts of his body that he wanted to ignore at the moment."

"You know, people just don't see what their mind tells them isn't there."

"Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote."

"I'm sure it's not wizardly to be alone in a lady's boudoir."

"It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe."

""Sodomy non sapiens," said Albert under his breath."

"Resolution was good for the moral fiber; the only trouble was the fiber didn't appreciate the sacrifices he was making for it."

"Truly, he thought, the way of enlightenment is like unto half a mile of broken glass."

"As simple as that? You didn't use magic?"

"Women's clothes were not a subject that preoccupied Cutwell much—in fact, usually when he thought about women his mental pictures seldom included any clothes at all—but the vision in front of him really did take his breath away."

"Pardon me for living, I'm sure."

"Albert glared at him. "Shut up.""

"Only one creature could have duplicated the expressions on their faces, and that would be a pigeon who has heard not only that Lord Nelson has got down off his column but has also been seen buying a 12-bore repeater and a box of cartridges."

"What's the use of having the power if you don't wield it? Man doesn't show you respect, you don't leave enough of his damn inn to roast chestnuts on, understand?"

"He was suddenly aware that he had made some lifelong enemies, and it was no consolation to know that he probably wouldn't have them for very long."

"There were more than nine hundred known gods on the Disc, and research theologians were discovering more every year."

""You won't get away with this," said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you'll wish—" He stopped talking."

"What are you going to do when we get there?""

"Am I going to be crowned or not?" she said icily. "I've got to die a queen! It'd be terrible to be dead and common!"

"Although the scythe isn't preeminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome. Once its owner gets it weaving and spinning no one—including the wielder—is quite certain where the blade is now and where it will be next."

"'And what would humans be without love?'"

"He sighed again. People were always trying this sort of thing. On the other hand, it was quite interesting to watch, and at least this was a bit more original than the usual symbolic chess game, which Death always dreaded because he could never remember how the knight was supposed to move."

"The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it."

"This was the type of thief that could steal the initiative, the moment and the words right out of your mouth."

"These weren't the normal city watch, cautious and genially corrupt. These were walking slabs of muscle and they were absolutely unbribable, if only because the Patrician could outbid anyone else."

"After that one thing sort of led to another and pretty soon everyone was fighting to get something—either away, out or even."

"Sourcerer , n. (mythical) A proto-wizard, a doorway through which new majik may enter the world, a wizard not limited by the physical capabilities of hys own bodie, not by Destinie, nor by Deathe. It is written that there once were sourcerers in the youth of the world but not may there by now and blessed be, for sourcery would mean the Ende of the World . . . If the Creator hadd meant menne to be bee as goddes, he would have given them wings."

"The current Patrician ... He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overwhelming majority of citizens. †"

"He had the unique opportunity to watch Conina fight. Not many men ever got to see it twice."

"To Rincewind's annoyance the Luggage barrelled after her, cushioning its fall by dropping heavily onto a slaver, and adding to the sudden panic of the invaders because, while it was bad enough to be attacked with deadly and ferocious accuracy by a rather pretty girl in a white dress with flowers on it, it was even worse for the male ego to be tripped up and beaten by a travel accessory; it was pretty bad for all the rest of the male, too."

"It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting."

"Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure in any case. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed."

"'My father always said that death is but a sleep,' said Conina."

"'My father always said that it was pointless to undertake a direct attack against an enemy extensively armed with efficient projectile weapons,' she said."

"The Hashishim, who derived their name from the vast quantities of hashish they consumed, were unique among vicious killers in being both deadly and, at the same time, inclined to giggle, groove to interesting patterns of light and shade on their terrible knife blades and, in extreme cases, fall over."

"A popular spell at the time was Pelepel's Temporal Compressor, which on one occasion resulted in a race of giant reptiles being created, evolving, spreading, flourishing and then being destroyed in the space of about five minutes, leaving only its bones in the earth to mislead forthcoming generations completely."

"The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap, and much more difficult to find..."

"'I don't trust this man,' said Nijel. 'I try not to judge from first impressions, but I definitely think he's up to no good.'"

"Wizards didn't kill ordinary people because a) they seldom noticed them and b) it wasn't considered sporting and c) besides, who'd do all the cooking and growing food and things. And killing a brother wizard with magic was nigh-well impossible on account of the layers of protective spells that any cautious wizard maintained about his person at all times.*"