"Supposing there was somewhere reality was a little thinner than usual? And supposing you did something there that weakened reality even more. Books wouldn't do it. Even ordinary theater wouldn't do it, because in your heart you knew it was just people in funny clothes on a stage. But Holy Wood went straight from the eye into the brain. In your heart you thought it was real. The clicks would do it. (p. 286)"

"Why us?" he said. "Why is it happening to us?"

"Being trampled almost to death by a preoccupied troll is almost the ideal cure for a person confused about what is real and what isn't. Reality is something walking heavily up your spine. (p. 319)"

"It was totally confusing, just like real life. (p. 208)"

"The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. (p. 193)"

"The Archchancellor's most important job, as the Bursar saw it, was to sign things, preferably, from the Bursar's point of view, without reading them first. (p. 11)"

"The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield. (pp. 10-11)"

""Wossname!" said the parrot, who was sitting on his shoulder."

"The speaker was Duke Vassenego, one of the oldest demons. How old, no one knew. But if he didn't actually invent original sin, at least he made one of the first copies. In terms of sheer enterprise and deviousness of mind he might even have passed for human and, in fact, generally took the form of an old, rather sad lawyer with an eagle somewhere in his ancestry. (pp. 173-174)"

"Now he realized what made boredom so attractive. It was the knowledge that worse things, dangerously exciting things, were going on just around the corner and that you were well out of them. For boredom to be enjoyable there had to be something to compare it with. (p. 169)"

""Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind." (p. 153)"

"They were discussing strategy when Rincewind arrived. The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking. (p. 102)"

"At the gate was a large, heavy-set man, who was eyeing the queue with the smug look of minor power-wielders everywhere. (p. 46)"

"He'd looked at its ramshackle organisation, such as it was, with the eye of a lifelong salesman. There seemed nowhere in it for him, but this wasn't a problem. There was always room at the top. (p. 53)"

""She hwas dusting," said Mrs. Whitlow, helpfully. When Mrs. Whitlow was in the grip of acute class consciousness she could create aitches where nature never intended them to be. (p. 77)"

""What did she just say to that troll?" he said, as a deep wave of laughter rolled across the room."

""They're pretty high mountains," said Azhural, his voice now edged with doubt."

""Pictographic writing doesn't work like that. It's all down to context, you see." He racked his brains to think of some of the books he'd seen. "For example, in the Agatean language the signs for ‘woman' and ‘slave' written down together actually mean ‘wife.'" (p. 161)"

"I heard once where there was this city that was so wicked that the gods turned it into a puddle of molten glass," said Gaspode, apropos of nothing. "And the only person who saw it happen was turned into a pillar of salt by day and a cheese shaker by night."

"You could always tell a wizard's robe; it was bedecked with sequins, sigils, fur and lace, and there was usually a considerable amount of wizard inside it. (p. 13)"

"When he was left alone he wandered over to the lectern and looked at the book. The title, in impressively flickering red letters, was Mallificarum Sumpta Diabolicite Occularis Singularum, the Book of Ultimate Control. He knew about it. There was a copy in the Library somewhere, although wizards never bothered with it."

"‘They never give him any of the things a sensitive growing wossname really needs, if you was to ask me.'"

"Demons have existed on the Discworld for at least as long as the gods, who in many ways they closely resemble. The difference is basically the same as that between terrorists and freedom fighters. (pp. 34-35)"

"The prayers of most religions generally praise and thank the gods involved, either out of general piety or in the hope that he or she will take the hint and start acting responsibly. (p. 76)"

"The entire priesthood was sitting around it and watching it carefully, in case it did anything amusing or religious. (p. 80)"

"After all, the whole point of the wish business was to see to it that what the client got was exactly what he asked for and exactly what he didn't really want. (pp. 83-84)"

"He'd stopped wondering how he'd come to be here, wherever it was. Malign forces. That was probably it. At least nothing particularly dreadful was happening to him right now. Probably it was only a matter of time. (p. 86)"

"He decided to try the truth again. It was a novel approach and worth experimenting with. (p. 105)"

""I want to be a eunuch, sir," Eric added."

""The trouble is," he said, "is that things never get better, they just stay the same, only more so." (p. 124)"

"Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric drills. (p. 230)"

"The Ephebians made wine out of anything they could put in a bucket, and ate anything that couldn't climb out of one. (p. 226)"

"Ptraci didn't just derail the train of thought, she ripped up the rails, burned the stations and melted the bridges for scrap. (p. 243)"

"Teppic stared into his wine mug. These men are philosophers, he thought. They had told him so. So their brains must be so big that they have room for ideas that no one else would consider for five seconds. On the way to the tavern Xeno had explained to him, for example, why it was logically impossible to fall out of a tree. (p. 213)"

"No one is more worried by the actual physical manifestation of a god than his priests; it's like having the auditors in unexpectedly. (p. 203)"

"They are great minds, he told himself. These are men who are trying to work out how the world fits together, not by magic, not by religion, but just by inserting their brains in whatever crack they can find and trying to lever it apart. (p. 225)"

""You're a criminal?" said Teppic."

"The fact is that camels are far more intelligent than dolphins.*"

"It's not for nothing that advanced mathematics tends to be invented in hot countries. It's because of the morphic resonance of all the camels, who have that disdainful expression and famous curled lip as a natural result of an ability to do quadratic equations. (p. 171)"

"Camels gallop by throwing their feet as far away from them as possible and then running to keep up. (p. 175)"

"It's a fact as immutable as the Third Law of Sod that there is no such thing as a good Grand Vizier. A predilection to cackle and plot is apparently part of the job spec."

"Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid. (p. 135)"

""Well, yes," said the IIa, very embarrassed, because interfering with the divine flow of money was alien to his personal religion. (p. 154)"

"Belief is a force. It's a weak force, by comparison with gravity; when it comes to moving mountains, gravity wins every time. (p. 202)"

"Battle elephants! Teppic groaned. Tsort went in for battle elephants, too. Battle elephants were the fashion lately. They weren't much good for anything except trampling on their own when they inevitably panicked, so the military minds on both sides had responded by breeding bigger elephants. Elephants were impressive. (p. 256)"

"Those first pyramids had been built by human beings, little bags of thinking water held up briefly by fragile accumulations of calcium, who had cut rocks into pieces and then painfully put them back together again in a better shape. (p. 96)"

"Ritual and ceremony in their due times kept the world under the sky and the stars in their courses. It was astonishing what ritual and ceremony could do. (p. 77)"

"A few stars had been let out early. Teppic looked up at them. Perhaps, he thought, there is life somewhere else. On the stars, maybe. If it's true that there are billions of universes stacked alongside one another, the thickness of a thought apart, then there must be people elsewhere."

"Whatever his eyes were focused on wasn't occupying the usual set of dimensions. (p. 65)"