First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Thug: [repeating] Look, bud, I said 'Your money or your life.'"
"Thug: This is a stickup! Now come on. Your money or your life."
"Rochester: Well, it went down two points this last year."
"Jack Benny: That star has five points."
"Rochester: You mean that shiny one with the three points on it?"
"Jack Benny: Where's that big glass star I told you to pack away last Christmas?"
"Jack Benny: We're a little late, so good night, folks."
"Rochester: It would've been hard to rhyme a dollar ninety-eight."
"Jack: What do you think of this card I wrote for Don? "To Don from Jacky, Oh golly, oh shucks. I hope that you like it, It cost forty bucks."
"Perry Mason: Maybe my writers are better than yours."
"Jack: I can't understand it. On your show you always win."
"Jack: Gee, I never thought of that."
"Marilyn Monroe: I know, Jack. But what about twenty-five years from now when I'm fifty and you're thirty-nine?"
"Jack: Oh, it's not that big a difference. You're twenty-five and I'm thirty-nine."
"Marilyn Monroe: What about the difference in our ages?"
"Jack: Well, only if you have enough. I'd hate for you to run out to the zoo just for me."
"Liberace: Would you like to stay for dinner, Jack?"
"Jack: Breast of flamingo and gazelle steaks?"
"Cook: We have some breast of flamingo and gazelle steaks."
"Liberace: What do we have for dinner?"
"Rochester: Yes, that's the spot all right. You almost had a heart attack when they laughed at Bob Hope."
"Jack: When they laugh at one of my jokes... it just gets me right here. [Puts hand on heart]"
"Jack: When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it."
"Jack: I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them."
"Jack: Don, you're hanging yourself."
"Don Wilson: I don't think you know how much it means to me to do the commercial. After all I'm not a funny man. I can't sing or dance. I don't lead a band. What are you paying me for?"
"Bob Crosby: That's like keeping the smog and throwing away Los Angeles."
"Jack: I'm thinking it over!"
"Mugger: Look bud. I said, your money or your life."
"Mugger: Your money or your life."
"'Clyde:' Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?"
"Jack: No, I just want to reach 40."
"Clyde: Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no."
"Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out."
"Bob Hope: Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh."
"For a man who was the undisputed master of comedy timing, you'd have to say that this was the only time when Jack Benny's timing was all wrong. He left us much too soon. He was stingy to the end. He only gave us eighty years and it wasn't enough."
"Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down."
"Jack: I'm scared, I'm frightened."
"Clyde: General Electric."
"Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?"
"Clyde: I wondered why he had his hand on his hip when I shot him."
"Jack: [Pointing to the tiger] He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark."
"Clyde: Then the animals lit fires to keep us away."
"Jack: Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath."
"Clyde: You're telling me. What about those first three nights, we had to light fires to keep the animals away."
"Jack: It's really dangerous, here in the jungle."
"Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble."
"Jack: These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they?"
"Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy."
"Bob: This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network. [mouths ABC]"