"The studios are not taking risks. Look at a movie like Knocked Up or Juno. I thought both were funny movies, but what’s the politics of Knocked Up? You get drunk, have sex with a jerk, and the jerk will turn out to be a worthwhile human being and you’ll live happily ever after. That doesn’t happen! And in Juno you’re a high-school girl, you get knocked up, you just dump the baby and everything is fine. It’s like, what are we watching here? [Laughs.] It’s a very strange time."

"What if this guy got you pregnant?"

"Imagine if this guy got you pregnant"

"From the director of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" comes a comedy about a one night stand that became something more"

"Save the due date"

"Every time when you see yourself you think, how is these monster came here"

"You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter."

"Marriage is like a freak, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."

"Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling. Guess what the fuck's up? Allison is going in labor, and you are not fucking here. No, where are you? You're at a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco, you motherfucking piece of shit! And you know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm gonna have to kill you. I'm gonna have to pop a fucking cap in your ass. You're dead, you're Tupac, you are fucking Biggie, you piece of shit! I hope you fucking die or drop the fucking chair and kill that fucking kid! I hope your plane crashes. Peace, fucker!"

"It's a girl - buy some pink stuff!"

"I proposed to you like an idiot and you said no to me."

"Sheila Kelley - Fran"

"Paul Johansson - Blair Brennan / "Bolt""

"Kathy Najimy - Tawny Miller"

"Teri Hatcher - Ariel Maloney / "Dr. Monica Demonico""

"Garry Marshall - Edmund Edwards"

"Carrie Fisher - Betsy Faye Sharon"

"Whoopi Goldberg - Rose Schwartz"

"Elisabeth Shue - Lori Craven / "Angelique""

"Cathy Moriarty - Montana Moorehead / "Nurse Nan""

"Robert Downey, Jr. - David Seton Barnes"

"Kevin Kline - Jeffrey Anderson / "Dr. Rod Randall""

"Sally Field - Celeste Talbert / "Maggie""

"A Deliciously Malicious Comedy."

"All that glitter... All that glamour... All that dirt."

"I would like to voice my strong concern about this show's spiraling decline in ratings. David, ever since you took us to the Caribbean, it's been Jamaica homeless people sucking soup, and a big wave outside that cost a hundred thousand dollars. That's depressing and it's expensive, two words I hate. You know the words I like? I like the word "peppy" and the word "cheap". Peppy and cheap."

"Barbara Garrick - Victoria"

"Caroline Aaron as Dr. Marcia Fieldstone"

"Kevin O'Morrison - Cliff Reed"

"Rob Reiner - Jay"

"Dana Ivey - Claire Bennett"

"David Hyde Pierce - Dennis Reed"

"Carey Lowell - Maggie Baldwin"

"Rita Wilson - Suzy"

"Victor Garber - Greg"

"Gaby Hoffmann - Jessica"

"Rosie O'Donnell - Becky"

"Ross Malinger - Jonah Baldwin"

"Bill Pullman - Walter"

"Meg Ryan - Annie Reed"

"Tom Hanks - Sam Baldwin"

"What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew was the only someone for you?"

"Look, Annie... I love you. But let's leave that out of this. I don't want to be someone that you're settling for. I don't want to be someone that anyone settles for. Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it, isn't it?"

"Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble."

"Shut up, shut up?! Mom never said shut up to me! Mom never yelled at me!"

"Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental."

"Jonah, listen to me. You don't know Victoria. I hardly know her myself. She is a fat mystery to me. She tosses her hair a lot. Why does she do this? I have no idea. Is it a twitch? Does she need a haircut? Should she use a barrette to keep her hair out of her face? These are things I'm willing to get to the bottom of. And that is why... I am DATING her. That's all I'm doing. I'm not living with her. I'm not marrying her. Can you appreciate the difference? This is what single people do. They try other people on and see how they fit. But everybody's an adjustment. Nobody's perfect. There's no such thing as a perfect... [Annie walks in. Sam sees her for the first time, loses his train of thought, and stops talking]"

"Look, we had a tough time at first, but we're dealing with it. Jonah and I will get along fine again...as soon as I break his radio."