Primetime Emmy Award Winners

"I love the So You Think You Can Dance show. I love it. I think it’s some of the best hours on TV. I think those dancers are extraordinary and, more so, I think those choreographers are uniformly amazing[...] And so I got two of who I think are the best choreographers on SYTYCD — Tabitha and Napoleon — to be involved in some movement elements. Because I think when dance is mediocre, it’s painful. But when dance is really impressive, it destroys."

"I don't know how they do it but [Tabitha and Napoleon] love each other so much. They're this husband and wife duo that work together all the time and yet I've never seen them have an argument. I've never seen them kind'of roll their eyes at each other. I've never seen anything like that. They are the perfect example of a fabulous marriage."

"Honestly, I thought of him as a good-looking jock kind of guy, and I didn’t think he was very artistic or very smart."

"Somehow Napoleon and Tabitha have this ability... to put emotion into hip-hop routines and it really is a real talent."

"One of the biggest complaints about season 4 is the time the judges spent heaping endless praise upon the choreographers rather than discussing the dancers, but in the case of hip-hop choreographers Napoleon and Tabitha Dumo [sic] (i.e., [NappyTabs], now and forever), that praise was well-deserved. The couple brought a lyrical storytelling sensibility to their routines that transformed hip-hop from hard-hitting abstract steps to something far more emotionally engaging."

"Maybe it's because Laurieann Gibson is my choreographer and I'm really close with her but it's the interpretation of hip-hop that I thought was a little bit contrived."

"Yeah, and here's another piece of advice: Stay away from kids, 'cause their hair is filled with mad lice. There's no such thing as too much Purell. This a cautionary tale, word to George Orwell. So don't 1980-force any plugs into sockets, Always wear a chastity belt and triple lock it, Then hire a taster, make him check your food for poison. And if you think your mailman is a spy, then destroy him."

"At the Farmer's Market with my so-called girlfriend. She hands me her cell phone says it's my dad, "Man, this ain't my dad, this is a cell phone." I threw it on the ground. What you think I'm stupid? I'm not a part of your system. My dad's not a phone, duh!"

"'Cause I’m a Motherlover, You’re a Motherlover. We should fuck each others mothers, Fuck each others moms. I’m pushing that way where you came out as a baby, Ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy. Fucking each others moms. ‘Cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night. If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right."

"I just had sex, and it felt so good (felt so good). A woman let me put my penis inside of her. I just had sex, and I'll never go back (never go back) To the not-having-sex ways of the past."

"I don't sleep, motherfucker; off that 'gnac and the durban, Doin' 120, gettin' head while I'm swervin'. Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick. Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick! I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherfucker, Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker"

"Girl, you know we've been together, such a long, long time (such a long time) And now I'm ready, to lay it on the line. Well, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide (open wide). Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind (what's on my mind). A gift real special, so take off the top, Take a look inside - it's my dick in a box (it's in a box)."

"Roll up to the theater; ticket buying, what we’re handlin' You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we’re dropping Hamiltons. Now parked in our seats, movie trivia's the illest. "Which Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?" We answered so fast it was scary. Everyone stared in awe when we screamed "Matthew Perry!""

"Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon, Call Parnell just to see how he’s doin’. Hello? What up, Parns? Yo, Samberg, what’s crackin'? You thinking what I’m thinking? Narnia! Man, it’s happenin'!"

"I'm on a boat, motherfucker, take a look at me, Straight floating on a boat on the deep blue sea (yeah, yeah). Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat, You can't stop me, motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat."

"I jizz right in my pants Every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands It's like having sex to me You say I'm premature I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times It's a necessity."

"Woooo! 3, 2, 1, go! Have you heard the news? Everyone’s talkin' Life is good ‘cause everything's awesome Lost my job, there’s a new opportunity More free time for my awesome community I feel more awesome than an awesome possum Dip my body in chocolate frostin' Three years later wash off the frostin' Smellin’ like a blossom, everything is awesome Stepped in mud, got new brown shoes, It’s awesome to win and it’s awesome to lose."

"Everyone who has gambled on keeping the three of us together so far, it's gone well. We figured it couldn't hurt to see how long we could ride it."

"As they become adults, they are feeling that they have different interests at times, and they all realize that it is healthy [to] go and do individual stuff. But I feel right now that they really enjoy being with each other and really respect what each member brings."

"Hey, boys, I want you both, I hope that you think that's cool (Say word?). I know most guys won't freak together. But she forgot about the golden rule Ah-ah-ah!It's okay when it's in a 3-way. It's not gay when it's in a 3-way. With a honey in the middle, there's some leeway. The area's grey in a 1-2-3-way."

"Back in that ass, yeah Your mom says hi, jinx!"

"Kings of the bar scene, pounding on brewskies, Banging chicks right there in the sand. Bros before hoes and chicks with no clothes and Slamming shots and marry a man."

"As a coping mechanism for teenage me, masking was an incredibly successful tactic – I was only bullied intermittently during my school years – but as a catalyst for growth, it worked more like castration."

"Ever since I can remember, my thoughts have been plagued by a sense that I was a little out of whack, as if belonging was beyond me."

"if you want to change the conversation, you really do have to step into the murky waters, don’t you?"

"everyone around the world has a humor"

"I do think conversations are at a point where we’re not listening to people with lived experience anymore. We’re listening to people who have really hostile reactive views, and that it’s caught up in a moral panic, which also has a very, very strong right-wing online presence that is stirring up the debate, and it’s fairly unacknowledged. I want to come from a more constructive point of view, like I am genderqueer. I have a life, and it doesn’t revolve around trying to justify my existence."

"I think there’s something also quite political about a genderqueer performer expressing joy on stage."

"In recent years, the public has slowly become familiar with the idea that women with Autism exist, and a few excellent books like Jenara Nerenberg's Divergent Mind and Rudy Simone's Aspergirls have worked to build awareness of this population. It's also helped that high-profile Autistic women like comedian Hannah Gadsby and writer Nicole Cliffe have come out publicly as Autistic."

"A Netflix deal is fantastic, but it hasn’t changed my life, because I keep my life small."

"People think that if you get up onstage, a joke is funny or it’s not. No. The audience is participating in this conversation. The audience brings their own baggage. So I would never say you cannot do rape jokes. I’m just saying can we please acknowledge that women get raped? Men also. People get raped, and it’s traumatizing, and we do not have a language or a narrative in which to place that wider trauma. So just having throw-away punch lines, sure, you can do it, but people get triggered, and the reason people get triggered is because other people don’t care. They’re like, “We think it’s funny; get over yourself.” That’s because there’s no broader cultural context for the viewpoint of people who’ve been traumatized. I don’t believe in censorship, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to say, “Hey, be better.”"

"(You spend time in the new special responding to your online trolls. Why not just ignore them? Isn’t devoting time to them a way of giving them power?) These people are actually humans. They live and they say things and they mean it, and I can’t believe that in all aspects of their life they’re that crazy. I don’t want to live in a vacuum where I’m like, There are those people with dumb ideas. I want them to know their ideas are dumb but they’re not dumb."

"Autism is not a prison. It’s not something that should be terrifying. It is not a disability except that the world makes it incredibly difficult for us to function — and no one is asking what people with autism think."

"There’s a lot about me that people are like, ‘‘Ah, look, lesbian,’’ and really it’s about me not wanting to think about my physical self so I can just get on with things."

"I think a helpful way for everybody to think about it is that I’m not on the spectrum: Everybody is on a spectrum. The human brain is on a spectrum, just as gender is."

"I couldn’t have written ‘‘Nanette’’ without understanding that I had autism. I don’t read the world the way other people read it."

"I built my career on writing jokes apologizing for myself. It’s what most people do. You have to explain who you are, and you point to a difference that you have. That’s your angle. But when it becomes the only reason you speak, it becomes an issue; all your material revolves around why you’re different. The great freedom post-“Nanette” was that I’d put all that on the table."

"There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself."

"I am never not cross-referencing the trees with the forests, and it can be a very exhausting way to engage – but I wouldn’t change it for the world, because I believe communities need thinkers like me."

"Please stop expecting people with autism to be exceptional. It is a basic human right to have average abilities."

"I only wear blue clothes because blue makes me feel calm. I listen to the same music, watch the same shows, and eat the same foods over and over again without any qualms. I find joy in my life where once I couldn’t because I was too busy trying to do the “right” thing instead of checking in with my own needs first."

"I am unable to intuitively understand what I am feeling, and I can often take a much longer time to process the effects of external circumstances than neurotypical thinkers. But it is they who get impatient with me, and under that pressure I feel forced to guess my needs before I have had time to process stuff in my own way, and so mistakes are made...You know how sometimes you put your hand under running water and for a brief moment you don’t know if it is hot or cold? That is every minute of my life."

"I wish more than anything that I had known about my ASD when I was a kid, just so I could have learned how to look after my own distress, instead of assuming my pain was normal and deserved. There is no one to blame, but I still grieve for the quality of life I lost because I didn’t have this key piece to my human puzzle."

"I don’t want to circle the drain of trauma. I don’t want to be a one note comic. I want to have freedom of expression, and in order to do that, I need to train my audiences to not expect stuff from me."

"My mother doesn't like sex. She doesn't like the word, she doesn't like act, and I'm not entirely sure she's too impressed with the results. Ah well, you get out what you put in."

"...You shouldn't clap, that [was] a lie... I like to tell lies. According to Shakira, hips don't lie. Which makes me a bundle of contradictions."

"Tasmania is famous for its shape, which is the same shape as the pubic hair region on a woman's body, which I personally don't identify with. Mine's more like a map of the former Soviet Union. Not to scale."

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"Who would have thought that the fatal flaw of communism would be that there's no money it."

"There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you."