Primetime Emmy Award Winners

"There are some movies I can watch over and over, never get sick of. I'll put one of those on and be puttering around the house. Then a certain scene will come on and I'll just have to go over and watch."

"Oh, yeah, I love DVD's. I don't have what you'd call an extensive collection, maybe a couple of hundred or so. But I have something on almost all the time."

"I always feel ill-prepared for commentaries and it had been so long I was afraid I'd forget everything that happened on the film. But having everybody come together for it was really great. It was like a high school reunion. We all reminisced and just had a great time."

"I do like movies that take a toll on the audience. I want to work the subconscious. I want to involve you in ways in which you might not necessarily want to get involved. I want to play off those things that you're expecting to get when the lights go down and the 20th Century Fox logo comes up. There's an audience expectation and I'm interested in how movies play with--and off--that expectation. That's what I'm interested in."

"I find it amoral if you're making a movie where the problem is solved with a guy standing in the back of pickup truck firing a machine at the bad guys. The morality of it is questionable because the repercussions of violence are incredibly far-reaching."

"Violence shouldn't be presented as drama. I think people looking for an easy way out often write scenes where characters come into violent conflict as opposed to looking for the true drama in the situation. That's a shortcoming of a lot of films and television shows. I think certain presentations of violence are not immoral, but amoral."

"The movie is not that violent. There are ideas in the movie that are scary, but the film isn't about violence, the glorification of violence or the embracing of violence. In the movie, violence is a metaphor for feeling. It's a film about the problems or requirements involved with being masculine in today's society."

"Film-making encompasses everything, from tricking people into investing in it, to putting on the show, to trying to distill down to moments in time, and ape reality but send this other message. It's got everything. When I was a kid I loved to draw, and I loved my electric football sets, and I painted little things and made sculptures and did matte painting and comic books and illustrated stuff, and took pictures, had a darkroom, loved to tape-record stuff. It's all of that. It's not having to grow up. It's four-dimensional chess, it's strategy, and it's being painfully honest, and unbelievably deceitful, and everything in between."

"You want to be able to provide something, and you're pissing down a fucking well. It will suck you dry and take everything you have and, like being a parent, you can pour as much love as you want, and your kid still says, "Just let me right out here, you don't have to take me all the way." You're working to make yourself obsolete. I'm not going to make Persona - my movies are fairly obvious in what the people want and what it is that's happening; it;s not that internalized. What's internalized is how you process the information from the singular, subjective point of view. And that becomes the subtext of it."

"We wanted a title sequence that started in the fear center of the brain. [When you hear] the sound of a gun being cocked that's in your mouth, the part of you brain that gets everything going, that realizes that you are fucked - we see all the thought processes, we see the synapses firing, we see the chemical electrical impulses that are the call to arms. And we wanted to sort of follow that out. Because the movie is about thought, it's about how this guy thinks. And it's from his point of view, solely. So I liked the idea of starting a movie from thought, from the beginning of the first fear impulse that went, Oh shit, I'm fucked, how did I get here?"

"A stylized version of our IKEA present. It is talking about very simple concepts. We're designed to be hunters and we're in a society of shopping. There's nothing to kill anymore, there's nothing to fight, nothing to overcome, nothing to explore. In that societal emasculation this everyman is created."

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. This is kind of an emotional thing for me because I've known about this show for a long time, and the newspapers and the magazines that I've probably been interviewed 150 times in the last nine months since I've known about this. As I say, you'll work up to it; we come over here this afternoon, we meet the guests that are on the show, and you get kind of charged up. I don't mean to be maudlin about it, but I know that tonight a lot of people, a lot of my friends are watching all over the country, and I only have one feeling as I stand here knowing that so many people are watching: I want my nana!"

"I did not know that."

"And so it has come to this: I, uh... am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. I want to thank the gentlemen who've shared this stage with me for thirty years, Mr. Ed McMahon... Mr. Doc Severinsen... and... you people watching, I can only tell you that it has been an honor and a privilege to come into your homes all these years and entertain you—and I hope when I find something that I want to do, and I think you would like, and come back, that you'll be as gracious in inviting me into your home as you have been. I bid you a very heartfelt good night."

"It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea. It was so hot today I saw a pigeon walking in the shadow of Orson Welles. It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself.""

"Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can — and will."

"Blow me a raspberry."

"You know, I understand how you feel. This is a really contentious issue. Probably as contentious, and potentially as troubling as the abortion issue in this country. All I can tell you is, rushes to pass legislation at a time of national crisis or mourning, I don't really think are proper. And more importantly, nothing in any of this legislation would have done anything to prevent that awful tragedy in Littleton.What I see in the work I've done with kids is, is troubling direction in our culture. And where I see consensus, which is I think we ought to concentrate on in our culture is... look... nobody argues anymore whether they're Conservatives or Liberal whether our society is going in the wrong direction. They may argue trying to quantify how far it's gone wrong or why it's gone that far wrong, whether it's guns, or television, or the Internet, or whatever. But there's consensus saying that something's happened. Guns were much more accessible 40 years ago. A kid could walk into a pawn shop or a hardware store and buy a high-capacity magazine weapon that could kill a lot of people and they didn't do it.The question we should be asking is... look... suicide is a tragedy. And it's a horrible thing. But 30 or 40 years ago, particularly men, and even young men, when they were suicidal, they went, and unfortunately, blew their brains out. In today's world, someone who is suicidal sits home, nurses their grievance, develops a rage, and is just a suicidal but they take 20 people with them. There's something changed in our culture."

"All I see is people out there who are hungry for more."

"I was planning to go into architecture. But when I arrived [to sign up for courses], architecture was filled up. Acting was right next to it. So I signed up for acting instead."

"Why westerns get segregated into a genre in Hollywood, I don't know... It's just good entertainment."

"The only good time to say I have diarrhea is during a game of Scrabble, because it's worth a shitload of points."

"That was some really great "fatcting"."

"This is my impression of a Southern woman. "Tsk, I am so mad at the Taliban right now!""

"I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks."

"I call my balls the bush twins."

"I'm going to do all new, fresh material...you guys been keeping up with this O.J. thing?"

"I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver."

"My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing."

"I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean."

"At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?"

"Did you ever wake up with an erection...and then you realize you're just in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!""

"Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Will you touch my vagina...?" and she's like, "What!?" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say.""

"When you look like I do, it's hard to get a table for one at Chuck E Cheese."

"When I was a kid, I had dyslexia. And I would write about it in my dairy."

"Growing up my dad was like "Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis... Galifianakis... Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss'"... I'm like "That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?""

"I failed kindergarten because I couldn't spell my last name."

"I want to combine the NAACP with Mothers Against Drunk Driving. It's called Mothers Against the Advancement of Colored People."

"Seriously!, this is a DVD! I need dinosaurs, thunder, race wars, something! Dammit, I gotta sell this motherfucker.... 36.63."

"If you love Barry Manilow, you're gonna love the Insane Clown Posse. Love 'em. They're exactly... well, they're not EXACTLY alike, but they're a little bit alike..."

"Hello, my name is Zach Galifianakis, and I hope I'm pronouncing that right."

"I was named after my grandad. Yes, my name is Zach Grandad Galifianakis."

"Here's something you'll never see in Braille: "If you see something, say something"."

"Sometimes I order a beet salad, so when the waiter comes and lays down my salad I can say "thanks for laying down those funky beets". It's an expensive joke because I don't even like beets."

"I like to stump Google. The other day I Google'd "how many Mexicans live in North Korea"....Google didn't know. I also Google'd "how many candles does Dave Navarro own?"...14,000."

"I once played charades with a couple that was deaf.....they were amazing. I mean, none of this sounds like business."

"I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a black neighborhood. Over there, they call it Ask body spray. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist."

"The only time it's ok to yell out 'I have diarrhea' is when you're playing Scrabble...because it's worth a shitload of points."

"You shaved your head for V For Vendetta. Did you also shave your V for Vagina? (to Natalie Portman)."

"For 8 years now I've been addicted to cold turkey. When I tell people I'm quitting cold turkey, they say,"What are you quitting?", I'm fucking quitting cold turkey."