"[yawning after having sex with Little Red Riding Hood] Thou it was a ripe annual fucketh Miss, thy firey cunt will stir pleasing memories, please if it pleases you proceed to yonder wedding."

"Bedtime Stories For Grown-Ups"

"Uncut, Uncensored & Incredibly Unsuitable for Children!"

"Hal Smith as Mother Goose (live action segments)"

"Richmond Johnson"

"Carol Piacente"

"Kelly Gordon"

"Lorenzo Music as Various"

"Hal Smith as Mother Goose"

"Jacqueline Beudant - Geraldine Rich"

"Calvin Culver (aka Casey Donovan) as Jacque Beudant, art dealer"

"Jamie Gillis - Dr. Seymour Love"

"Constance Money - Misty Beethoven"

"Ripe mango, take two..."

"I'm gonna suck your cock like the inside of a ripe mango."

"Mark Margolis - unhappy man"

"Terri Hall - Tanya"

"Gloria Leonard - Barbara"

"Nina Hartley — Hilly (Hillary Clinton)"

"Lisa Ann — Serra Paylin (Sarah Palin)"

"Once again, the hypocritical left is trying to have it both ways. First, they criticize Governour Paylin for not having enough experience in the foreign policy arena. And then they slam her, because she's trying to show are godless, vodka swilling neigbours just a little down-home-hospitality. They make it sound like full lips, great tits, piercing-brown eyes and an ass that just won't quit for a bad thing. Well, excuse me: It that is a bad thing, than cut off my dick and express mail it to the nearest gay rightsparade."

"You betcha, get naked!"

"You know Hillary, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it's really hard to concentrate when your tongue's in my hoo hoo."

"Mike Horner — Bill Orally (Bill O'Reilly)"

"Evan Stone — Professor"

"Lee Stone — Supporting cast"

"Alec Knight — Husband (Todd Palin)"

"Mick Blue — Russian soldier"

"Sascha — Russian soldier"

"Sindee Jennings — Young Serra Paylin"

"Jada Fire — Condi (Condoleezza Rice)"

"[on the telephone with Dr. Young.] You gotta help me. I'm in love with Linda. We want to get married... thank you. There's only one problem - she needs a nine inch cock. I'm only 3 inches away from true happiness, is there anything you can do? You can? Really? [turning to Linda Lovelace] No problem, honey. He can cut it off as short as you want!"

"Lovelace is almost a Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not as she takes the whole joint down her gullet. No, it’s not a small-potato penis but a roustabout rod of ten inches that plummets into the deepest recesses of our lady’s oral cavity. It seems a miracle. … I was never so moved by any theatrical performance since stuttering through my own bar mitzvah."

"It is all very well and good for Linda Lovelace, the star of the movie, to advocate sexual freedom; but the energy she brings to her role is less awesome than discouraging. If you have to work this hard at sexual freedom, maybe it isn't worth the effort."

"It is a crime that movie is still showing; there was a gun to my head the entire time."

"Virtually every time someone watches that movie, they're watching me being raped."

"The End. And Deep Throat to you all."

"No wonder you can't hear any bells! You don't have a tinkler!"

"Do you wanna get off or do you wanna wreck a city?"

"[while receiving cunnilingus] Mind if I smoke, while you're eating?"

"It makes me feel tingly all over and then nothing... There should be bells ringing, dams busting, bombs going off."