Midlife Crisis Films

"You're not going to erase my son's memory."

"I'm getting off the wheel."

"Why is he cursing at us?"

"[losing it] The wheel! The little hamster wheel that we're all running up to get a little taste of your little water thingy!"

"He's not a doctor."

"Not in *any* sense of word."

"Circle of Trust."

"Mmm. Well, I think Harvard's cheaper."

"What are you talking about? You were his golden boy."

"Don't do that."

"We're just trying to help you, sir..."

"Really? He said that to you?"

"To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that."

"Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the hood."

"Yeah, well I have eyes too. So I'll be watching you... watching me."

"Nobody's tempted, nobody..."

"That's disgusting."

"Yeah. The pulse on your carotid antery remained steady as you pleaded your innocence."

"[sarcastically] Our dear friend the Buddha? How's he doing? It's been so long. Do you ever listen to yourself?"

"[to his cat after seeing the remixed video of Greg's rant] That's the Godfocker? [cat hisses]"

"I never went soft on you."

"[as Jack is being loaded into an ambulance, to Greg] Focker!"

"Olga Fonda — Svetlana"

"We've had this date since the beginning, Greg."

"I pulled my hamstring doing a reverse cowgirl!"

"John DiMaggio Jordan Peele Kelli Kirkland — EMTs"

"You kids wanna pick your nose and flick your boogers? Do it!"

"But do it only when it's dry. Don't do a wet one."

"Nick Kroll — Young Doctor"

"I'm watching you."

"Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?"

"[to Roz, on a three-way call with Greg] Why can't you support my dreams the way I've always supported yours? When you wanted to try new sex positions for your research, I was your guinea pig!"

"OK. I get it, Greg. I screwed up. The pressure of being in that family finally got to me."

"More like his golden bitch. He wanted Deb and me to get married in Oyster Bay. Done. Can we name our baby after him? "You got it, Jack." Then he gives me this whole spiel, right, about how I'm next in line to his throne. He came up with this name for me, the Bobfather."

"Ah. He pulled the same shit on you, didn't he? In that family, we're all just hamsters on Jack Byrnes' little wheel. His Circus of Trust or whatever he calls it."

"Greg, he's not responding to my treatment."

"[sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?"

"Well, I got good news for you. You're not Jesus."

"I had no idea how deep I was until I stepped away, and I'll tell you something. Once I got off the treadmill, I've never been happier."

"I guess they fight sometimes."

"Deepak Chopra — Himself"

"Maria Bello as Sally Lamonsoff"

"Maya Rudolph as Deanne McKenzie"

"I'm just like daddy."

"Piece of crap car."

"[talking to Rob about the broken car] My old man lent me this turd."

"Di Quon as Rita"

"I want mommy's milk."

"Dan Patrick as Norby the Ride Guy (uncredited)"

"I thought we were going to get wasted."