"The sex you're trading up for What you hope is love Is just another thing that He'll be careless of. But though there are caveats galore, You've only got to love him more — And you do; You really do. Even when it's all too clear."

"We may be through with the past, but the past is never through with us."

"Now that I've met you, Would you object to Never seeing each other again? 'Cause I can't afford to Climb aboard you. No one's got that much ego to spend. So don't work your stuff, Because I've got troubles enough. No, don't pick on me When one act of kindness could be Deathly, Deathly, Definitely."

"Oh, for the sake of momentum I've allowed my fears to get larger than life. And it's brought me to my current agendum Whereupon I deny fulfillment has yet to arrive. And I know life is getting shorter, I can't bring myself to set the scene. Even when it's approaching torture, I've got my routine."

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do Two can be as bad as one It's the loneliest number since the number one No is the saddest experience you'll ever know Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know."

"It is in the humble opinion of this narrator that this is not just "something that happened." This cannot be "one of those things"... This, please, cannot be that. And for what I would like to say, I can't. This was not just a matter of chance. … These strange things happen all the time."

"Men are shit. What? Men... are... shit. What, isn't that what they say? Because we do bad things, don't we? We do horrible, heinous, heinous, terrible things. Things that no woman would ever do. No, women, they don't lie. No, women don't cheat. Women don't manipulate us. But you see what I'm getting at. You see what society does? Little boys, it's, "Wow, womaaaan!" We are taught to apologize. I am sorry. I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry. What is it that we need? Is it their pussies? Their love? Mommy wouldn't let me play soccer... and Daddy, he hit me, so that's who I am, that's why I do what I do? Fucking bullshit. I will not apologize for who I am. I will not apologize for what I need. I will not apologize for what I want!"

"Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men! [simulating sexual thrusting]"

"In this big game that we play, life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve, it's what you take. I'm Frank T.J. Mackey, a master of the muffin and author of the Seduce and Destroy system now available to you on video and audio cassette. Seduce and Destroy will teach you the techniques to have any hardbody blonde just dripping to wet your dock. Bottom line? Language. The magical key to unlocking the female analytical mindset. Tap directly into her hopes, her wants, her fears, her desires, and her sweet little panties. Learn how to make that lady "friend" your sex-starved servant. I don't care how you look. I don't care what car you drive. I don't care what your last bank statement says. Seduce and Destroy produces an instant money-back guarantee trance-like state that will get you this ´— naughty sauce you want fast. Hey — how many more times do you need to hear the all-too-famous line of "I just don't feel that way about you?""

"I loved her so. She knew what I did, she knew all the fucking stupid things I’d done. But the love was stronger of anything you can think of. The goddamn regret. THE GODDAMN REGRET! And I’ll die, now I’ll die and I’ll tell you what. The biggest regret of my life, I let my love go. What did I do? I’m sixty-five years old, and I’m ashamed. Million years ago, the fucking regret and guilt, these things... don’t ever let anyone ever say to you, you shouldn’t regret anything. Don’t do that, don't! You regret what you fucking want, use that, use that, use that regret for anything, any way you want, you can use it, OK? Oh, God. This is a long way to go with no punch. A little moral, story I say: Love...Love...Love. This fucking life, it’s so fucking hard. So long, Life ain’t short it’s long, it’s long. God damn it! God damn, what did I do? What did I do? What did I do?"

"I can't let this go. I can't let you go. Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things, those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see?"

"A lot of people think this is just a job that you go to... take a lunch hour, the job's over, something like that. But it's a 24-hour deal... no two ways about it... and what most people don't see is just how hard it is to do the right thing. People think if I make a judgment call, that it's a judgment on them. But that's not what I do, and that's not what should be done. I have to take everything and play it as it lays. Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail. And that's a very tricky thing on my part... making that call. The law is the law, and heck if I'm gonna break it. But if you can forgive someone... well, that's the tough part. What can we forgive? Tough part of the job. Tough part of walking down the street."

"I'll tell you everything, and you tell me everything, and maybe we can get through all the piss and shit and lies that kill other people."

"Let me tell you something, this is not an easy job. I get a call on the radio, dispatch, it's bad news. And it stinks. But this is my job and I love it. Because I want to do well. In this life and in this world, I want to do well. And I want to help people. And I might get twenty bad calls a day. But one time I can help someone and make a save, correct a wrong or right a situation, then I'm a happy cop. And as we move through this life we should try and do good. Do good... And if we can do that, and not hurt anyone else, well... then..."

"I lost my gun today when I left you and I'm the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it's on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things, that we should say what we're thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today, and I am not a good cop. And I'm looked down at. And I know that. And I'm scared that once you find that out you may not like me."

"Jeremy Blackman - Stanley Spector"

"William H. Macy - Quiz Kid Donnie Smith"

"Mark Flannagan - Joseph Green"

"Genevieve Zweig - Mrs. Godfrey"