"Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that "never happened" from one of their files that "doesn’t exist"."

"Frank the Pug: (upon seeing Ben's skin only) Hey, J, zero percent body fat! (Homage to Lara Flynn Boyle.)"

"An hour ago, a man I've known my whole life vanished in front of my eyes because of a woman with things coming out of her fingers and a two-headed guy with the IQ of a cannoli. So yeah, everything's okay."

"So feisty."

"Here's the deal. I lose, you lose. I win, everything keeps spinning."

"Worms: Once you've had worm, that’s what you'll yearn!"

"Oh, yummy. Someone I need to eat."

"When we're kids, before we're taught how to think, or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I'm supposed to believe."

"Man, tell it to the hand."

"So what's it like on the outside? Not doin’ this every day?"

"Silly little planet. I could rule the place with the right set of mammary glands."

"[after seeing the Grand Central Station Locker Creatures’ ”large adult entertainment section”] That's just nasty."

"[After neuralizing Newton and Hailey] Okay, first, get some contact lenses, ‘cause joints look like they can pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia... move your bum ass out of your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old."

"Prisoners of MIB. The scum of the universe. Well, now it's the scum's turn."

"Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light..."

"[After K calls for him to leave, to Newton and Hailey] Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black."

"[after Frank the Pug suggests the "good cop, bad cop thing"] How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?"

"Jeff, I am so not in the mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!"

"Richard Pearson - Gordy"

"About to lay the smack-down on your candy ass! (In homage to The Rock)"

"[J has just saved a whole subway of passengers from being eaten alive by Jeff, the giant worm-like alien, who chewed off about 98% of the subway train before retreating] [Neuralizes subway passengers] The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You're ignorant. How a man gon' come bashin' thru a subway when — That's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh, we seen it all." [feigning fear] "Oh, no! A 600 ft. worm! Save us, Mr. Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice, move to the next car! Y'all just sit there like...[Neuralizes subway passengers again, regains his composure] Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our new, smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening. [walks off, neuralizing Capt. Bridgewater in the process]"

"Brad Abrell - Mannix"

"Greg Ballora - Sleeble"

"Kevin Grevioux - Pineal Eye"

"Carl J. Johnson - Gleeble"

"Peter Graves - Himself"

"Michael Jackson - Agent M"

"Biz Markie - Beatboxing Alien"

"Jay Johnston - Younger Pizza Parlor MIB Agent"

"Drew Massey - Worm Boy (uncredited)"

"Martha Stewart - Herself (cameo)"

"Tim Blaney - Frank the Pug (voice)"

"Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, "Flush me J., Flush me." and I'd be like, "Naw.""

"Colombe Jacobsen - Hailey"

"Nick Cannon - MIB Autopsy Agent"

"Thom Fountain - Neeble"

"Rosario Dawson - Laura"

"Johnny Knoxville - Scrad/Charlie"

"Tony Shalhoub - Jack Jeebs"

"Rip Torn - Zed"

"Will Smith - Agent J/James Darrell Edwards III"

"Lara Flynn Boyle - Serleena"

"Patrick Warburton - Agent T"

"Time to put on the last suit you'll ever wear...again..."

"This Summer, They're Back in Business. They're Back in Action. They're Back in Black."

"Back in Black."