First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"What I'm thinking involves a machete and a pair of pliers."
"You saved... my shoe. M-my life."
"What if what I think is great, really is great... but it's not as great, as something greater?"
"You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches."
"A quarter cup of lemon juice, half a cup of salt and a loofah sponge. Scrub scrub scrub."
"Oh, of course. Krazy Glue. Why didn't I bring the Krazy Glue, in case his pecker fell off?"
"Earwax. 'X' on a triple letter, 'A' on a double word. Seventy-two points."
"Are you aware that Fran has chosen teal for her bridesmaids? Teal, the color of gangrene. ... Oh, oh, and I Honestly Love You as your wedding song? You might as well commit matrimonial suicide right now!"
"Geri: Pierre, I love you, but if you use another carnation in my bouquet I will deport you. Muah."
"Massimo: You long for him the way I long for you."
"Judy Greer — Penny Nicholson"
"Rob Riggle - Officer Franklin"
"Cleo King - Officer Garden"
"Bryan Callen - Eddie Palermo"
"Jernard Burks - Leonard"
"Mike Tyson - Himself"
"Mike Epps - Black Doug"
"Heather Graham - Jade"
"Sasha Barrese - Tracy Garner"
"Jeffrey Tambor - Sid Garner"
"Justin Bartha - Doug Billings"
"Bradley Cooper - Phil Wenneck"
"Ed Helms - Dr. Stuart "Stu" Price"
"Ken Jeong - Leslie Chow"
"Zach Galifianakis - Alan Garner"
"Have you seen this man?"
"Easy, tiger!"
"You mess with the wrong guy."
"Where the hell is my tiger?"
"Well, technically, I'm an escort."
"Rachael Harris - Melissa"
"Some guys just can't handle Vegas"
"Whose baby is this?"
"Am I missing a tooth?"
"I stole a police car?!"
"What happened last night?"
"Totally... Totes McGotes."
"Holland Taylor - Bunny"
"Jolyon James - Woody"
"Peter Egan - Victor Ellis"
"Jack Davenport - Edward Fletcher-Wooten"
"Sarah Parish - TJ"
"Jeremy Sheffield - Jeffrey"
"[about Nick] Can you believe Kat gets to shag this guy? No, really, you should send God a bottle of wine or a quiche or something."
"Debra Messing - Kat Ellis"
"Dermot Mulroney - Nick Mercer"
"Will someone buy my Hoo-Ha a drink?"
"[to Kat, about Jeffrey and Nick] Darling, why spend anymore time on that horse's ass when Mr. Tie-Me-Up-Tie-Me-Down is standing right over there?"
"[after seeing Nick wink] Oh God. I think I've just come."
"Amy Adams - Amy"