"[Entering room] Am I too late? Look I won a coin! A gold coin! [looks around] Uh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room. What a beautiful room! Have you seen this room?"

"And, they're off!"

"Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's nearest to the door!"

"[to Owen] I can do anything I want Nick. I'm eccentric! [growls like a tiger] Go!"

"Now, as you all know, the odds of winning the state lottery or a jackpot at one of our casinos are astronomical, I mean, millions-to-one; the average sensible person doesn't even bother. However, today you have the chance of playing a game where the odds of winning are one-in-six. One...in...six. That's one throw...[Tosses a dice onto the table] of the dice."

"You haven't missed much, we're just cutting to the chase [Chuckles] "Cutting to the chase" [Laughs hysterically, then sees everyone else is silent] Eh, you'll all laugh later."

"Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet. [Everyone looks shocked for about five seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist!"

"Dad, it's been a living hell."

"Look dad, I'm Mrs. Hitler!"

"Dad, I'm prairie-dogging!"

"Dad, I don't have to pee, it's number two!"

"Bev, Bev, wake... Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on. Get down. You wanna have a nice life. Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot."

"You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield! Yay!"

"I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!"

"Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car! [the bikers continue to attack the car and force it off the road, causing it to crash into a Veterans' gathering. Randy's philtrum collides with the wheel and smears itself with its paint, making it look like Randy has Hitler's mustache, much to the shock of the veterans]"

"[to the biker]Hi! [his tongue slips]I really like you dike- bike. [he tries to laugh it off, but the biker whistles behind her, and several other bikers appear, ready to attack]"

"They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job."

"We should've bought a squirrel."

"[to Owen] I knew I recognized you, you're the referee, the bonehead!"

"Oh good! A scam!!"

"[To Duane] Duane, Mom's watching 'ou from 'eaven righ' now. Wha' would 'he doo? For starving children, Duane. 'O it for mom."

"[When he and Duane accidentally drive into the middle of a monster truck rally] WHEY DA FU AR WEY?!"

"[Looking at a map, a plane lands behind him] Where the hell is the airport?!"

"[Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl] It's really a commemorative coin."

"I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!! I DO NOT WORK FOR THE BUS COMPANY!!! ALL RIGHT?!!! I--I NEEDED A RIDE TO NEW MEXICO, SO I STOLE THIS UNIFORM!!! SEE THIS JACKET?!! THIS IS NOT MY JACKET!!! REMEMBER MARTY, THE BUS DRIVER?!! HUH?!! THIS IS HIS SHIRT!!! I STOLE IT!!! AND THESE PANTS, YOU THINK I'D WEAR THESE PANTS?!!! THESE AREN'T MY PANTS!!! THESE ARE MARTY'S PANTS!!! I STOLE THEM!!! I AM NOT...a bus driver!"