First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Amy Poehler - Cricket Feldstein"
"[about her late husband] He was an abominable man. Why do women marry abominable men?"
"[disappointed with the mourning dress she is trying on] Can't you make it... plunge a little in the front?"
"Elisabeth Shue - Elisabeth Shue"
"Alastair Sim - Commodore Gill"
"Natalie Amenula - Yolanda"
"David Arquette - Gary"
"Every time I'm beginning to think I know what colour your eyes are you disappear!"
"Skylar Astin - Rand Posin"
"Phoebe Strole - Epiphany Sellars"
"Melonie Diaz - Ivonne"
"Joseph Julian Soria - Octavio Marquez"
"I still get nervous around ethnics."
"Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz"
"Arnie Pantoja - Vitamin J"
"Catherine Keener - Brie Marschz"
"It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating."
"[in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!"
"It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!"
"Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson."
"Michael Esparza - Chuy"
"I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!"
"You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!"
"Ramiro Fabian as Hector"
"John Cho as Nightclub cleaner"
"Phill Lewis as Audition actor"
"Marisol Nichols as Young audition actress"
"Alfred De Contreas as Martinez"
"Alejandro Patino as Sanchez"
"Adam Alexi Malle as Afrim"
"Kohl Sudduth as Slater"
"Barry Newman as Hal"
"Christine Baranski as Carol"
"Terence Stamp as Terry Stricter"
"Robert Downey, Jr. as Jerry Renfro"
"Heather Graham as Daisy"
"Steve Martin as Robert "Bobby" Bowfinger"
"Eddie Murphy as Kit Ramsey / Jefferson "Jiff" Ramsey"
"Jamie Kennedy as Dave"
"[looking at FedEx truck coming into his street] See that FedEx truck? Every day, it delivers important papers to people all around the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we- and by we, I mean me - will be important."
"[lamenting to his agent about being passed over for choice roles and the agent could hardly get a word edgewise] White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No and you know why? 'Cause I ain't played none of them slave roles, or get my ass whipped. That's when you get the nominations. Black dude play a slave role, gets his ass whipped, gets the nomination, white boy play an idiot, they get the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar."
"The Con is On."
"David Krumholtz - Barry Corman"
"David Huddleston - Mr. Corcoran"
"Nathan Lane - Ed Chapman"
"Michael J. Fox - Michael "Mikey" Chapman"
"Christina Vidal - Angie Vega"
"Cyndi Lauper - Geena Briganti"
"[after vomiting in a hat] Never again. From now on, it's only Kosher Franks."
"[after seeing Angie for the first time] Va Va Va Vroom. Well, Hello Dolly!"