"He indicated the pair of grotesques. "For instance, I have seldom seen objects so studiously repulsive as this pair of bibelots. Skillfully done, agreed! Notice the detail in these horrid little ears! The snouts, the fangs: the malignance is almost real! Still, they are undeniably the work of a diseased imagination." The objects reared erect. One of them spoke in a rasping voice: "No doubt Cugel has good reason for his unkind words; still, neither Gark nor I can take them lightly.""

"All is mutability, and thus your three hundred terces has fluctuated to three."

"The purportedly free was seldom as represented."

"Notice this rent in my garment; I am at a loss to explain its presence! I am even more puzzled by the existence of the universe."

""Here you see the pattern from which my great work is derived. It expresses the symbolic significance of NULLITY to which TOTALITY must necessarily attach itself, by Kratinjae's Second Law of Cryptorrhoid Affinities, with which you are possibly familiar." "Not in every aspect," said Cugel."

"There can be no doubt as to the facts as I have stated them. Orthodoxy derives from this axiomatic foundation, and the two systems are mutually reinforcing: hence each is doubly validated."

"I categorically declare first my absolute innocence, second my lack of criminal intent, and third my effusive apologies."

"Ah! Five hundred years I have toiled to entice this creature, despairing, doubting, brooding by night, yet never abandoning hope that my calculations were accurate and my great talisman cogent. Then, when finally it appears, you fall upon it for no other reason than to sate your repulsive gluttony!"

"The creature displayed the qualities reminiscent of both coelenterate and echinoderm. A terrene nudibranch? A mollusc deprived of its shell? More importantly, was the creature edible?"

"Until work has reached its previous stage nympharium privileges are denied to all."

"I am not called Cugel the Clever for nothing."

"And, stretching in languid warmth, she contrived to twist her body into first one luxurious position, then another."

"Excellent; all is well. The 'everlasting tedium' exactly countervenes the 'immediate onset of death' and I am left only with the 'canker' which, in the person of Firx, already afflicts me. One must use his wits in dealing with maledictions."

""The contingency is remote." (This is also a Jeeves quote in the PG Wodehouse Novels)"

"Cease the bickering! I am indulging the exotic whims of a beautiful princess and must not be distracted."

"Yes, I realize that I see but a semblance, but so do you, and who is to say which is real?"

"I do not care to listen; obloquy injures my self-esteem and I am skeptical of praise."

"Enter, my friend, enter. How goes your trade?" "In all candor, not too well," said Cugel. "I am both perplexed and disappointed, for my talismans are not obviously useless."

"His brain ached with the want of knowing."

"My clever baton holds your unnatural sorcery in abeyance."

"Guyal reined his horse and reflected that flowers were rarely cherished by persons of hostile disposition."

"What are your fees?" inquired Guyal cautiously. "I respond to three questions," stated the augur. "For twenty terces I phrase the answer in clear and actionable language; for ten I use the language of cant, which occasionally admits of ambiguity; for five, I speak a parable which you must interpret as you will; and for one terce, I babble in an unknown tongue."

"Die then. This is my cure for sore knees."

"The colour, noise and festivity failed to elevate Carfilhiot’s mood; in fact—so he told himself—never had he witnessed so much pointless nonsense."

"What a strange and unfamiliar world if everyone were treated according to his deserts!"

"Who is seducing whom? If we are working to the same ends, there is no need for so many cross-purposes."

"Kings, like children, tend to be opportunistic. Generosity only spoils them. They equate affability with weakness and hasten to exploit it."

"Aillas groaned. “Destiny could never be so unkind.” Suldrun said in a soft voice: “Destiny doesn’t really care.”"

"Nothing is more conspicuous than a farting princess."

"“I am not skilled at inventing punishments.” “Nor are they to my taste. I enjoy creating conditions of justice. All too often, however, I must ordain harsh penalties. It is the disagreeable side to my work. The preferences of the criminal, of course, can’t be considered; as often as not, he will opt for leniency even no punishment whatever.”"

"“I wonder, sir, if you’d be good enough to advise me.” “Certainly, within the limits of discretion,” said Eubanq. “I should warn you, however, that free advice is usually not worth its cost.”"

"The words must be spoken. The thoughts must be thought. The plans must be planned. The deeds must be done."

"“Still, moderation, I beg of all of you!” “But not too much of it!” Dobbo called out. “We’d be defeating only ourselves. Moderation must be practiced in moderation.”"

"“Why not cancel the affair? There’ll be opportunities in the future.” “But I’m not confident of the future! It’s a spinning top which can totter in any direction!”"

"It is all sheer egocentricity: the myth of self triumphant over destiny!"

"Every Arrabin desperately asserts his individuality, with personal tricks and fads. A futile kind of life, no doubt, but isn’t all life futile?"

"Jantiff gave a hollow laugh. “Who now is the exploiter, monopolist, elitist tycoon and all the rest? What of egalism now?” Esteban retorted in a debonair, if somewhat edgy, voice: “Egalism is all very well, and I subscribe to it! Still: why deny the obvious? Everyone wants to make the most of their life.”"

"“It’s not a knack at all,” said Jantiff. “I’ve had to practice for years.” Tanzel said brightly: “Isn’t it elitism when someone tries to do something better can everyone else?”"

"Still, this way of life, peculiar as it seems, is not necessarily a bad system. I suspect that every style of life works our to be a tradeoff between various kinds of freedoms. There are naturally many different freedoms, and sometimes one freedom implies the absence of another."

"“While we were gone someone broke into my case and stole most of my things.” The news seemed to drive Skorlet close to the limits of self-control. “And what do you expect?” she snapped in an unpleasantly harsh voice. “This is an egalistic country; why should you have more than anyone else?” “I have been over-egalized,” said Jantiff drily. “To the effect that I now have less than anyone else.”"

"“Remember, my dear, Jantiff isn’t an egalist like the rest of us; he wants to do something quite extraordinary and individualistic.” “Yes, partly that,” said Jantiff, wishing that he had never ventured an opinion. “But it’s more like this: here I am, born into life with certain capabilities. If I don’t use these capabilities and achieve my utmost then I’m cheating myself, and living a soiled life. “Hmm,” said Tanzel sagely. “If everyone were like you, the world would be a very nervous place.” Jantiff gave an embarrassed laugh. “No cause for worry; there don’t seem to be many people like me.”"

"So much existed: so much to be felt and seen and known! A single life was not enough…"

"“Only children are intolerant of conventions. They are indispensable to an organized civilization, like discipline to an army, or foundations to a building, or landmarks to a traveler. Without conventions civilization is a handful of water. An army without discipline is a mob. A building without foundations is rubble. A traveler without landmarks is lost.” Lorcas stated that he opposed not all convention, but only those which he found irksome and pointless."

"“Legality is the mathematics of social conduct,” said Magnus Ridolph. “It is equally as cogent as the mathematics of probability.”"

"The ancient tale, thought Burke: barbarism triumphant over civilization."

"The less a writer discusses his work—and himself—the better. The master chef slaughters no chickens in the dining room; the doctor writes prescriptions in Latin; the magician hides his hinges, mirrors, and trapdoors with the utmost care."

"“I have heard your name mentioned.” “Probably as a high-flying free-wheeling financial hell-raiser.” “I believe the term ‘unscrupulous blackguard’ was used,” said Ridolph."

"The big man’s scowl deepened. “You’re not what I expected.” “Intelligence, facility, resourcefulness are not like neckties, to be displayed as ornaments,” Magnus Ridolph pointed out."

"Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor it. The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed ambition falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be the savor of superior understanding?"