"I blew off my own goddamn toe. Just to numb the pain. Let me tell you something, we all get weak over women. We all get weak over women. Fuckin' broads are all nuts. They know how to kill us."

"Joseph Nunez as Raul Chavez (as Joseph Nunez)"

"Absolutely brilliant."

"Love is a battlefield, baby."

"Excuse the fuck out of us!"

"Now, if 2 Live Crew has taught us anything, it's that horniness in today's society is out of control. And at one point within the next decade, mark my words, ladies and gentlemen, society will have reached something I call APATT..."All porno, all the time." Pornography will have become an epidemic in this country. Phase one... masturbation."

"Lucy Liu as Taryn Mills"

"And to our female friends here today, we must not abuse of our dogs with the lure of a peanut butter snatch. We must channel our horniness into extracurricular activities."

"Jacqueline Bisset as Sophie Wynn"

"[To Choco from motel room door] Do you mind if I ask you a question? Do I look like I speak Spanish? Do I look South American to you? I don't understand a word you're fucking saying! You know what?! Ed's right! It's not cute! It's not fucking cute! It's never been fucking cute, Choco! I don't fucking understand you! You're a freak! [Slams motel room door in his face]"

"[In tactical team bus to TV camera man] Turn the fucking camera off!"

"[Voiceover] That's Ed Moseby, the most legendary bounty hunter in all of Los Angeles. He's my boss, my mentor, the father I never had."

"I should let you know that Mr. Heiss will only be available to meet for about five minutes, so we should hurry up and cut to the point. Um, and speak in short sentences because he has the attention span of a ferret on crystal meth."

"[Voiceover] To say that Choco is the product of a broken home is to presume a home existed in the first place. No. Choco never had a home, well, not unless you count the ten or so juvenile correction facilities where he spent his child hood."

"T.K. Carter as Lester Kincaid"

"[Voice-over] I've been training since I was twelve. Knives, guns, throwing stars. You name it, and I can fight with it. I'm a hard worker. I'm a hard worker and a fast learner. Nothing scares me. I'm not afraid to die."

"There are three kinds of people in the world... the rich... the poor... and everyone in between."

"[Voice-over] If you think America is dirtbag central, clearly you've never been to the skeeze nation of our queen mother."

"Charles Paraventi as Howie Stein"

"You tell Domino Harvey that nobody messes with Mark Heiss! Nobody messes with the WB!"

"Put your fucking weapon down!"

"Stanley Kamel as Anthony Cigliutti"

"Frederick Koehler as Chuckie"

"[Voice-over] I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. Shotgun in hand, kicking down a door and wondering if there was heavy firepower on the other side."

"[Voice-over] That night, my coin was tossed. Heads, you live. Tails, you die. 50/50 chance. Life or death. This ain't Sunset Boulevard. My destiny was life. Life as a bounty hunter."

"[As he chews gum] It's like... Night... of the Living Dead!"

"Tom Waits as Wanderer"

"[After a particularly unpleasant day of filming the bounty hunters' reality TV show, to Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green, the hosts] This is going to jump-start your careers!"

"[Voice-over] God created me in his image. I guess he had a thing for models."

"[At a gas station with three “First Ladies” masked heistmen in van] I'm gonna fill up the tank and grab a Mountain Dew. Don't make a peep. Especially you, Barbara."

"Dale Dickey as Edna Fender"

"Steven Boyer as Scooter"

"Gina Gershon as Moxxi"

"Ryann Redmond as Ellie"

"Olivier Richters as Krom"

"Sophie Popper as Child"

"Bobby Lee as Larry"

"Riana Emma Balla as Young Lilith"

"Benjamin Byron Davis as Marcus"

"Ariana Greenblatt as Tiny Tina"

"Florian Munteanu as Krieg"

"Jamie Lee Curtis as Tannis"

"Cate Blanchett as Lilith"

"Kevin Hart as Roland"

"Janina Gavankar as Knoxx"

"Edgar Ramírez as Atlas"

"[Rolls down the stairs a grenade to the Psychos, a tribe of cannibalistic barbarians] Time to go!"