"Sy Greenblum: [In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial] Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company."

"Joe Earley: [after cutting off a finger with a table saw] Can you believe this?! Would you look at that! Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers"! I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red."

"Richard Fletcher: [sarcastically, after having tripped up Noodles Macintosh] Awwwww, did I do that? Oopsie!"

"Crazy Ernie: If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal! That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!"

"Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!"

"For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly."

"This is my ant farm. These little guys can lift fifty times their own weight. They also spend weeks digging these intricate little tunnels. And oh yeah, they really hate it when you do this! [Raul picks up the ant farm and shakes it] Oh look! They're really mad now!"

"Not many people know this, but the turtle is nature's suction cup. [licks the bottom of a turtle, throws it towards the ceiling] Look. It sticks."

"[speaking to the crowd at the telethon] Dear friends, I'm sure that one day you realize that by shutting down this hotbed of subversive activity..."

"(The broadcast which gets Channel 8 shut down by the FCC) This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot!! You think I CARE about the pea-brained yokels of this town?! If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first!! I can't stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!"

"This is a business, not a home for irresponsible pus-brains!"

"Watch out, Mr. Coyote... Aww."

"This is pretty good watermelon...[pauses and considers]...Tastes like poop. I'm gonna eat some Corn Flakes.[grabs box of Corn Flakes] These are pretty good...WHOA!! Free toy inside! Free toy inside!! Let's find it. [rummages his hand in the box] Don't let your mom know that you do this."

"I'm thinkin' of something orange. Something orange. Give up? It's an orange. [laughs] Ok, now I'm thinkin' of something blue. Something bluuuuuue. [singing] DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA DAA DAAAAA!! [Thugs push him into the closet] Don't you like Bonanza?!"

"Oh, Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a very, very, very lucky little boy. You know why? You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOOOOOSE!!!"

"[Grinning] This is my new mop. My friend George, he gave me this mop. It's a pretty good mop. It's not as good as my old mop, I miss my old mop. But it's still a good mop. Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you, 'cause life is like a mop. And sometimes, life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff, but you've got to clean it out. You gotta put it in here and rinse it out and start all over again. And sometimes, life sticks to the floor so bad a mop isn't good enough. It's not good enough. You gotta get down here with, like, a toothbrush or something, and really scrub, and if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work...you can't give up. You've got to run a window and yell, "HEY! THESE FLOORS ARE AS DIRTY AS HELL , AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!""

"WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!!"

"[while sculpting a plate of mashed potatoes] This means something. This is important!"

"Sometimes, the true hero is the one with the courage to run away."

"We are number one! All others are number two, or lower."

"Do not go there, my son! When you doubt your powers, you give power to your doubts."

"Casanova will have many weapons. To defeat him we will need to have more than forks and flatulence."

"He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions."

"When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack."

"Learn to hide your strikes from your opponent and you'll more easily strike his hide."

"You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums."

"You must be like the wolf pack... not like the six-pack."

"There's not enough beer in the world Spleen, I'm sorry."

"No dad, He's neither a commie, nor a fruit."

"[After avenging her father's murder] "Now I'm going back to Graduate School. That was the agreement.""

"Who would want to rent a chicken?"

"Now , there's a wedgie she won't soon forget."

"Maybe you should put some shorts on or something if you want to keep fighting evil today."

"See, that's why, in general, a mad scientist is less desirable than a garden-variety scientist."

"How delightfully eccentric — while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time!"

"Oh, there's another chicken. Crazy chicken world."

"Do you wannna go back in the bag? Is that how we're gonna play this? You make the rules."

"Here comes Daddy!"

"I guess I'll just have to take my ball and go home."

"Let's do some CARNAGE!"

"It's the FUNKYSKUNKULATOR!"

"This is weird in here. It's scary and weird."

"If you want to know what my power is, pull my finger."

"Why are you guys always dissing me? I'm a superhero too, you know! I have powers."

"It all started when I was just thirteen years of age. One day while walking with some friends I accidentally cut the cheese. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness, I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by. Big mistake! The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head. Because I had smelt it, she decreed that I would forevermore be... he who dealt it!"

"I am transparent. I am like the window. I am see-through. I'm like Saran Wrap."

"It's cool, isn't it? It goes right up to the point of being, like, confusing."

"Come on — haven't you guys ever been a kid? Haven't you guys ever... had a dream?"

"When you go invisible... you can feel it."