""Baby, you shovel better than any man I've ever known... but that does not make you a superhero. You're a good husband, and a good father. Nothing more." ~ Lucille (Mrs. Shoveler)"

""You know, tooth decay and gingivitis can be a crime. That's why I use Mighty Whitey toothpaste. Because I want my teeth to look — Amazing!" ~ Captain Amazing in TV commercial"

""You keep dreaming... wanna-be!" ~ Officer Maguire"

"Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase."

"Wait — you have a Herkimer battle jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made!"

"It's a psycho-frakulator! It creates a-a cloud of radically fluctuating deviant chaotrons, which penetrate the synaptic relays. It's concantenated with a-a synchronous transport switch that creates a virtual tributary! It's focused onto a biobolic reflector and what happens is, is that hallucinations become reality... and the brain is literally fried from within."

"I can trick that out with a clam-shell holster. It comes with a leather carrying case. It's got a wadcutter and a full warranty."

"That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe."

"Totally nonlethal, but totally effective."

"I don't make anything that's deadly."

""No, no. I don't live here. I'm just here for the ladies." (at a nursing home)"

"Yes, of course, you may absolutely bring za brewskies."

""It is so easy to get the better of people when they care about each other — which is why evil will always have the edge."

"A fish-fork is no match for my machine!"

"I have created a beautiful machine that is going to encourage our fellow citizens to share my vision of the future! Can you dig it?"

"Tonight I am going to do to Champion City what I have done to its greatest superhero — und there will still be time to go up, get down... und boogie!"

"When the clock strikes twelve... cuckoo, cuckoo... you will be dead. And my city will be given a new state of mind."

"Hello, Champion City. Daddy... is home!"

"To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn."

"When you care for what is on the outside, what is inside cares for you."

"Sometimes, the true hero is the one with the courage to run away."

"We are number one! All others are number two, or lower."

"Do not go there, my son! When you doubt your powers, you give power to your doubts."

"Casanova will have many weapons. To defeat him we will need to have more than forks and flatulence."

"He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions."

"When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack."

"Learn to hide your strikes from your opponent and you'll more easily strike his hide."

"You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums."

"You must be like the wolf pack... not like the six-pack."

"There's not enough beer in the world Spleen, I'm sorry."

"No dad, He's neither a commie, nor a fruit."

"[After avenging her father's murder] "Now I'm going back to Graduate School. That was the agreement.""

"Who would want to rent a chicken?"

"Now , there's a wedgie she won't soon forget."

"Maybe you should put some shorts on or something if you want to keep fighting evil today."

"See, that's why, in general, a mad scientist is less desirable than a garden-variety scientist."

"How delightfully eccentric — while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time!"

"Do you wannna go back in the bag? Is that how we're gonna play this? You make the rules."

"Here comes Daddy!"

"I guess I'll just have to take my ball and go home."

"Let's do some CARNAGE!"

"It's the FUNKYSKUNKULATOR!"

"This is weird in here. It's scary and weird."

"If you want to know what my power is, pull my finger."

"Why are you guys always dissing me? I'm a superhero too, you know! I have powers."

"It all started when I was just thirteen years of age. One day while walking with some friends I accidentally cut the cheese. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness, I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by. Big mistake! The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head. Because I had smelt it, she decreed that I would forevermore be... he who dealt it!"