"I like to think that if you put your trust out there; if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion."

"[on the phone, to Cindy's voicemail] I know you're not gonna call me back but... Hum, one more thing, remember that time I missed your awards dinner? Well, hum, I wasn't really working. I was at home watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York... I'm sorry, hum... What else?"

"River Anderson: Go fuck yourselves!"

"[about River] You know, he's just a little boy. Little boys fight. Doesn't mean he's going to grow up to be a frat-boy rapist."

"T.J. Miller - Billy Orwin"

"This is like free therapy. New York State cares."

"I need some leg warmers, my Croc is stuck!"

"Paul Rudd - Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin"

"Matthew Mindler - River Anderson"

"Philip Seymour Hoffman as Max Jerry Horowitz"

"Eric Bana as Damian Popodopoulos"

"Renée Geyer as Vera Lorraine Dinkle"

"Toni Collette as Mary Daisy Dinkle"

"Anyway, do you like the word 'kumquat'?"

"The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect. You are imperfect. And so am I. All humans are imperfect."

"Ian "Molly" Meldrum as Homeless Man"

"Barry Humphries as the Narrator"

"Willie Nelson - Himself"

"Lawrence O'Donnell - Himself"

"Richard Petty - Himself"

"Chris Matthews - Himself"

"Carolyn Shakespeare-Allen as additional voices"

"I was born Jewish and used to believe in God but I've since read many books that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination. People like to believe in God 'cause it answers complicated questions, like where did the universe come from, do worms go to heaven and why do old ladies have blue hair. And even though I'm an atheist, I still wear my yarmulke as it keeps my brain warm."

"Aaron Brown - Himself"

"Campbell Brown - Herself"

"Mary Hart - Herself"

"Nana Visitor - Galena Greenleaf"